


Honeydew

by lunchbucket



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magic, Care of Magical Creatures, Healer Sirius, Hogwarts Forbidden Forest, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-First War with Voldemort, Professor Remus, Ravenclaw Remus Lupin, Sirius Black Raises Harry Potter, Slice of Life, Smut, St Mungo's Hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 46,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21112001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunchbucket/pseuds/lunchbucket
Summary: Healer Sirius Black feels like his life is going through the motions. He is still recovering from the tragic death of his best friends four years prior while doing his best to parent their five-year-old son. However, when a new patient's encounter with a mysterious creature leads him to contact a person from his past, his life gets shaken up into one giant beautiful mess that he isn't sure he knows how to handle.Or,That magic feeling when you find someone who can see you when you can't even see yourself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the beta, A. Thank you to the prompter and the mods as well :).

Sirius treaded down the hallway, exhausted, looking forward to the end of the day so that he could go back to his flat, put Harry to bed, maybe have a couple shots of firewhiskey to wind down, and then — fuck — do it all over again tomorrow. Maybe ‘looking forward to’ wasn’t the correct phrase, as there wasn’t much that Sirius looked forward to these days, but he would be relieved to leave St. Mungo’s after his 12 hour shift soon. It wasn’t that he was unhappy, though; he had a lot of good things in his life. Things to actually look forward to, to enjoy at least to some degree. But when he thought about it harder, which he usually didn’t, his life didn’t quite have the rapturous highs of… well, before, anymore. Then again, his life was void of the treacherous lows as well, and considering how low things had gotten during the war, Sirius was more than grateful for that tradeoff. 

The lights flickered as he walked into his office, and he wondered what the point of magic was if it couldn’t even keep the lights on consistently, and he set his clipboard down on his desk before sitting down to file some patient documents. This was the last task he needed to check off the list before leaving tonight, and he felt a brief wave of excitement at the thought of that dark little head of hair running towards him. He’d started filing the forms away at a more hurried pace when he was pulled out of his concentration by a timid voice.

“Almost done for the day?” 

Sirius glanced up and paused his movements. “Ah, just about Emmeline. But did you need something?” he asked, and she wrinkled her nose and shot him a guilty look. The combination made him laugh softly. “It’s fine, I promise. I’m sure Harry won’t mind if I’m a couple more minutes late. Come on in,” he waved her in.

“Thank you, Healer Black,” she said as she took a seat at the chair in front of Sirius’ desk.

Sirius held onto his breath for a quick second, debating. “You know you can call me Sirius, right?” he offered through a strained gust of air, “When we aren’t in front of patients? I’d prefer it really…”

“Sorry, Sirius,” she nearly stuttered as she corrected herself and Sirius suppressed the instinct to roll his eyes. Trainees were always unnecessarily timid with him, but usually loosened up after about three months. This one was on week two.

“It’s fine,” he assured, sitting back, “So what is your question?”

“I was assigned a patient a couple of hours ago, appears to have a pretty standard venomous doxy bite which I know is cured with the Antidote of Common Poisons and an application of Star Grass Salve for good measure. But I administered everything and the patient does not seem to be improving. It’s only been a couple of hours, but because this should be such a straight-forward case, I’m concerned that I’m missing something.”

Sirius gave a mild frown. “And it’s definitely a doxy bite?”

She nodded. “Patient is conscious and able to confirm. Additionally the bite marks are consistent.”

“And you said no improvement at all from the healing potions?” Sirius asked, and Emmeline nodded, so he continued, “Did the patient get worse after the potions were administered?”

Emmeline recited easily, “Only at the rate in which the venom from the bite would have worsened without the administration of the cure.”

“Yes, okay,” Sirius confirmed with a nod. This was an easy one, and after tonight, it wouldn’t stump Emmeline if she ever came across it again. But she needed to figure it out for herself, with his guidance, of course. “Where was the patient when the bite occurred?” he prodded.

A burst of breath left Emmeline’s lips as she shuffled through her patient’s intake papers. “Uh… Oh, yes, here it is. She was bitten in her library while looking for a book. Her 12-year-old daughter found her outside of it, leaning against the door. She was aware and cognizant, but the bite on her ankle was becoming swollen and the rash had begun spreading throughout her leg.”

“Okay, the library, that’s good—“ Sirius started.

“It makes sense for a normal doxy bite,” Emmeline elaborated.

“It does, they are household pests,” Sirius confirmed, “but now that the potions are not working as they should, can you think of anything that would make this an abnormal doxy bite? Particularly given that it could have been released after the patient opened an old cupboard or drawer or something similar, reasonable to assume if she was spending time in an old library?”

Emmeline shut her eyes and laughed through her nose. Or it might have been a groan, Sirius couldn’t quite tell. “I’m an idiot,” she admonished herself, shaking her head minutely. “It’s so obvious.” 

“No you’re not,” Sirius laughed. “It’s nerve-racking when you start; sometimes it hard to think outside of what’s obvious until you gain some confidence, which will come.”

“So it’s a boggart that took the form of a doxy,” she stated with deep surety now.

“That’s what it sounds like,” Sirius offered.

“I can’t believe somebody’s worst fear is a doxy,” Emmeline said with disbelief.

“Maybe it was a childhood trauma,” Sirius shrugged, but he found it amusing as well. “Those things can stick for a long time. And doxies are also known as ‘biting fairies’ after all. Not the craziest fear in the world.”

“And if the species originated from a boggart, typically the effect of the wound will be less than had it been a true spider that had caused it,” Emmeline stated as if she were recalling some verbatim passage from a book that she had read many many times. “However, although the effects are weaker, it can be more difficult to cure as a wound from a boggart is not always treated in the same way, which would make it fatal if the proper treatment is never figured out.”

“That’s exactly right,” Sirius said with a kind smile. “So what needs to be added to the standard cure to account for the boggart’s impact on the injury?”

“A dose of the Draught of Divulgence,” she answered.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and waved a hand toward her. “There you go. See?” he brought his hand back down to the file on his lap. “You’ve got it, just give her a dose of that now, and in another twelve hours another dose of everything.”

“Thank you,” Emmeline said with such deep sincerity that it almost took Sirius aback for a moment.

“I’m happy to help, really,” he offered.

She blew out a relieved breath and scuffed her feet as she set to turning around. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer,” she said, “Have a good night, Sirius!” 

“You too,” he called as she left his office and headed back to her patient. 

Sirius finished up the remaining busy work in front of him in a flash, rubbed at his eyes for a minute before taking his wand from the pocket of his coat and muttering a basic tidying spell. He grabbed a handful of floo powder from the ornate box sitting on his desk, stood up, and made his way to the Burrow. 

“Hello?” he called as he stepped into the Weasley’s living room. He was arriving only a little later than usual when the family was usually settled down, so he was surprised to see that there was nobody around relaxing.

“In the kitchen, Sirius!” he heard Molly call, “Just tidying up for the night.”

“Hey Molly,” Sirius greeted softly when he found her standing at the kitchen counter, giving instructions to Ron, Harry, and the twins as they all stood around the sink doing dishes. “Sorry I’m a little late.”

“No problem, you know I’m always happy to have another little helper in the kitchen,” she said, walking over to give Sirius a hug in greeting.

“Dad!” Harry turned as soon as he registered that Sirius had arrived. He jumped off of the stool he was standing on, landing straight onto both feet, and ran over. 

Sirius had squatted down by the time Harry’s little legs got him there. “Harry!” his perked his voice up to respond with equal enthusiasm as Harry embraces him with soapy hands. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” Harry answered, and Sirius grew confused by the coy look on his face. Could five-year-olds even be coy? Apparently they could.

Sirius narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but a curious smile remained. “What?” he asked. 

“I got in trouble,” Harry said, his voice conveying that he was nervous, but the smile on his face told Sirius something else.

“Oh dear,” Sirius laughed as he moved Harry back arm’s distance. He shot Molly a look first — her wink let him know that it wasn’t serious — and then placed one hand on Harry’s shoulder and the other up to his head to push some of his unruly hair to the side of his face. The scar on his forehead peaked out from under the hair, always there to remind Sirius of what his priority had to be. “What did you get in trouble for?”

“I put,” Harry giggled — Sirius tried to keep a straight face — then took a deep breath, fought his smile, and tried again, “I put a piece of chocolate in Ron’s trousers—”

“In the back pocket of Ron’s trousers,” Molly prodded him along.

“Yeah, in the back pocket,” Harry’s grin grew even wider as he said the words, becoming more and more pleased with himself, and Sirius couldn’t help it, he started to smile too, “and then, um, it melted, and then Ron sat down—”

“And it was terrible!” Ron screamed from his place at the sink, “It got all over my pants, and, and then it got on the couch and then,” Ron’s voice cracked, went up an octave, and Sirius braced himself as he saw tears start to form in his eyes, “and then it got on my broomstick!”

“But!” Harry said, maintaining eye contact with Sirius like they were the only two in the room, “He says he loves chocolate, how was I to know he didn’t like chocolate in his trousers?”

Sirius looked over at Molly to gauge how bad this was. Sometimes he felt like he was living someone else’s life — and then he would remember that it ‘felt’ like that because he actually was — and he was never supposed to be a parent to begin with, as much as he did love Harry. Was he supposed to have felt bad for Ron? Was this not supposed to be funny? What, was he supposed to be doing the ‘stern parent’ thing now? Thankfully, Molly sent him a friendly smile, a shake of her head, and then mouthed “_it’s a toy, don’t worry,_” and he nodded with relief as he turned back to Harry, and again, tried not to laugh.

“Oh did you?” Sirius asked as he ignored Ron’s further cries about what the twins had said about the chocolate on the bum of his pants. “What did Mrs. Weasley say about that?”

Harry took a deep breath, and when he spoke, Sirius knew that this speech had been recited before he had arrived, “It isn’t very nice to put chocolate anywhere but my own mouth. Oh, and then only if I have permission first.” 

“And?” Mrs Weasley prodded further.

“And I told Ron that I was sorry,” Harry proclaimed and Sirius gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze and an approving smile. 

“That’s good, Harry. You want to go get your things so that we can head on home?”

“Yeah, Dad!” Harry responded with so much enthusiasm that Sirius laughed again and then he ran towards the stairs, probably up to Ron’s room. Sirius was grateful for Harry. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he would ever laugh again if it weren’t for the five-year-old. 

Molly motioned to Sirius as she made her way out of the kitchen and into the living room. It wasn’t unusual for them to speak outside of the presence of the children when he picked Harry up, so he followed without another thought. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling guilty when he calls me that,” Sirius sighed darkly when they were out of earshot.

“Dad?” Molly clarified.

“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled as he shoved a hand into his hair. A nervous habit.

Molly hummed and tipped her head. “He’s grown up hearing Ron, Neville, Ginny, and Fred and George talk about their mum and dads,” she explained simply, “It’s normal that he would see you as his. It’s healthy.”

“Yeah, I should have known ‘Pa’ wouldn’t last for long,” he laughed, a little solemnly, “And I love that he does it, I really do, it makes me feel like I’m doing something right. I just feel guilty when I know who he should be calling ‘Dad’.”

“It’s exactly what James would have wanted, Sirius. And Lily too, of course. That’s why they made you Harry’s godfather,” Molly added, “And, well, you are his dad now, you know that right?”

“I suppose,” Sirius smiled sadly, fully understanding what she was saying, but at the same time feeling the opposite. But that’s how it always would be. “As long as he’s happy,” he conceded. 

“Oh, he’s quite happy, trust me,” she laughed assuredly, “That’s the last thing you need to worry about.” 

Sirius nodded once. “I’m sorry about that whole… chocolate situation,” he added.

“Sirius, I have a wand, all I had to do was _ scourgify _ everything. Trust me, I was relieved it was only chocolate,” Molly admitted without a trace of irritation, and Sirius thanked his lucky stars for her, not for the first time.

“I know, but Ron seemed rather upset, didn’t he?” Sirius said.

She batted a hand through the air. “Oh, Ron is going through a bit of a sensitive phase, I think it has to do with having Fred and George as older brothers. We are working on it. But trust me, he has given Harry far more grief than a simple square of chocolate in the back pocket.” She added with a light bark of laughter, “It was rather funny, actually. I appreciated the laugh.”

Sirius laughed freely now, because yes, he wasn’t a bad parent. It was truly hilarious. “But you’ll tell me right?” he double-checked, “If it is something more serious? Something I should, I don’t know, do something about?”

“I won’t hold back,” Molly promised, and he sighed in relief, because that was exactly what he had wanted to hear. She narrowed her eyes at him and stared at him for a moment, and Sirius got a bad feeling. “So I wanted to ask you something.”

“Hm? What’s that?” he asked.

“Do you have any plans on Saturday night?” Molly inquired.

“Uh,” Sirius paused, but he didn’t really need to think about it, he was pausing more from confusion, “same as always I suppose. Harry will help me prepare a bunch of food for the week, we’ll play board games, and I don’t know, maybe watch a movie? Nothing out of the ordinary—”

“Because I have a friend, Amelia,” Sirius took a breath to brace himself, because, oh dear, “she works at the Ministry with Arthur, lovely girl. And she would love to meet you—”

“Molly,” Sirius said, making sure that his tone was soft but the message was firm all the same, “I’m going to have to stop you there. I appreciate the thought, I really do, but that’s just not something I’m even thinking about anymore.” 

“I know it’s not, which is why I’m suggesting that maybe you should,” Molly threw back softly but with the same firmness he’d volleyed at her, “Harry is getting older now. You’ve got this parenting thing down. Maybe it’s time you,” she paused, and by the look Sirius was now sending her, was probably choosing her next words carefully, “started moving forward? Started allowing yourself to pursue more of the life you had envisioned before everything happened?” 

Sirius consciously rearranged his expression into something flatter than felt natural, like he always did when the topic of conversation skirted into this kind of territory. “Harry is my life now, Molly. It is that simple. And I don’t find myself looking for that anymore,” Sirius admitted, because it was true. Because since the war had ended, he had lost a part of himself that he was certain he would never regain, and very little about his earlier life held interest to him now. But he had Harry, and that was enough.

“Well, it was worth a try,” Molly said with small frown, but her eyes twinkled.

“It was,” Sirius laughed, “and I appreciate you looking out for me.”

Molly pulled him into a hug. “Well someone has to now, you know,” she offered softly, voice a bit muffled, seeing as she only stood at Sirius’ chest height.

“I’m ready,” a small voice announced from the entryway of the room, and Sirius turned to see Harry standing there, holding onto his jacket and lifting it up to wipe his nose.

“Let’s go, Podder,” Sirius motioned him over to the fireplace, their usual way of commuting to and from the Burrow. “Thanks so much again, Molly,” Sirius said, taking hold of Harry’s jacket for safe-keeping, after the last time Harry lost his hat to the floo network.

“See you tomorrow then?” Molly asked, waving pointedly at Harry with a big grin.

“Yep, the usual time,” Sirius confirmed before he threw some floo powder into the fireplace, and he and Harry made their way back home. 

A couple of seconds later, they stepped out of the fireplace and into Sirius’ flat. Sirius had bought a place in muggle London, thinking that it would give Harry the opportunity to grow up in the most relatively normal environment possible. And it had worked well, Sirius thought, that they could go out and buy groceries without anybody approaching them. That Harry was still exposed to magic in his daily life while at the Weasley’s during the day and able to play with other wizards his age. A perfect balance. Plus, it was always at the back of his mind, no matter what assurances anybody gave him, that living among muggles was safer. Nobody knew exactly where they lived, and that was not by accident.

“What did Mrs. Weasley make for dinner, Harry?” Sirius asked as he went to set his bag down at the kitchen table, grateful that he wasn’t going to have to get any additional work done that night. 

“Chicken and potatoes and carrots,” Harry answered without much interest as he made his way into his bedroom.

“Well that’s fun, probably better than what I would have made, huh?” Sirius asked.

“Yep,” Harry answered without remorse, and Sirius laughed some more as Harry reemerged back into the room holding the large toy contraption that Sirius had gotten him for his birthday that summer. “Can we play broomsticks?”

“Always the broomsticks, huh?” Sirius asked as he moved into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. He pulled out a container of pumpkin curry and another container of rice that he and Harry had made that weekend. “Let me heat up some dinner and then we can play broomsticks for half an hour, and then you’ve got to get to bed, okay?”

“Uh huh,” Harry responded, his attention almost fully focused on the miniature broomstick zooming through the contraption on the floor now. Sirius had fun with it, setting up different routes for him and watching Harry’s looks of disbelief when the broomstick would zoom through various tunnels and spaces and eventually reach the end — through some trial and error, usually. It was simple, the return was guaranteed, and it gave him an opportunity to catch up with Harry after a long day. 

“Did you save anybody today?” Harry asked, his trademark opening question, as Sirius eventually came around, dinner plate in his hand.

“Hmmm,” Sirius started in feigned thought, and took a bite, “I supervised a couple new healers while they saved some people today. Does that count?”

“Were you in the room?” Harry inquired.

“With the patients?” Sirius clarified, chewing.

“Yeah,” Harry confirmed, looking up at him.

Sirius answered, “No, I wasn’t. I’m letting the junior healers learn how to interact with the patients, how to build appropriate— ”

“Then no, it doesn’t count.” Harry determined, unimpressed, and Sirius laughed again. Demoted by a five-year-old. 

“What did Mrs. Weasley teach you today?” Sirius asked as he set his plate down to lengthen one of the tunnels, connecting two different routes together and making one much longer tunnel that he knew Harry would enjoy long enough for him to finish his dinner. 

“We worked more on letters, I can spell my name now,” Harry exclaimed, probably from some combination of what he learned plus the fact Sirius had changed the route up, “I can write it too.”

“That’s great,” Sirius remarked with a grin, sitting down with his plate now.

“Yeah, Ron and I have easy names to spell, but you don’t,” Harry elaborated, sounding quite out upon.

Sirius laughed as he got a new bite together. “Maybe you can use those paints that Mrs. Weasley has tomorrow and paint it on a piece of paper? I’ll hang it on the wall if you do.”

“No!” Harry said with force, an obstinate look on his face before he broke down not even a second later into a fit of giggles. And ouch — sometimes he looked just like James, and that was something that always stung. “I’m joking, I will.”

Sirius nodded and set to watching Harry play with the completed route that he had set up. His little tongue poked out the front of his mouth as he focused on setting two broomsticks up at each end of the route at the same time. He set them up carefully, moved his hands to look at one, and then the other, and then released. Both broomsticks went zooming through the passageways, buzzing through tunnels, until they collided with each other, the crashing sound still not as loud as Harry’s delighted screams.

“It’s my favorite!” Harry cheered as Sirius pushed his mostly empty plate to the side.

“You’ll be a beater one day,” Sirius commented, and he charmed the broken broomsticks back together and sent them zipping through the passage (in the same direction this time). “A tiny force of destruction, you are.”

“Is that what you were?” Harry asked, “A beater?”

“Nope, I was a chaser,” Sirius answered.

Harry made a decidedly cute sound, something that sounded a little like ‘hmph’. At least, Sirius found it cute. Did he think any other kids made cute sounds? No, come to think of it, he guessed it was just Harry. “I want to be what you were,” Harry said.

Sirius added, “And your dad was a chaser too.” 

“My other dad?” Harry asked, looking up at him.

“Mhm, the one in the picture next to your bed,” Sirius answered, and Harry looked intrigued. He watched Sirius intently now, his mouth dropped an inch open, like it always did when he was listening. “Chasers have to be very swift, very aware of everything going on around them, and very, very coordinated.”

“I’m all of those things,” Harry voiced with certainty, and Sirius hid his skepticism because, well, why crush his dreams, “you just need to teach me how to ride a broom.”

“You’re right,” Sirius exclaimed as if it was an epiphany, “you are five now. That’s certainly old enough to start.” 

“I’m big enough to spell, I am big enough to ride a broom,” Harry reasoned, and Sirius thought that the conviction in his voice could convince just about anyone of just about anything.

“Alright, you got it,” Sirius promised, “We’ll go to Diagon Alley on Saturday morning to get your first broomstick and then I’ll teach you how to ride it. How does that sound?” 

Harry dropped his miniature broomstick he had been holding, and the look on his face made Sirius think that the kid may never recover from such a mind-blowingly fantastic idea. “I’m so excited,” Harry whispered, almost too quietly for Sirius to hear, as if it were too good to be true. “Are you going to ride with me?”

“Of course I am,” Sirius answered with animation as he dropped another broomstick into the contraption and watched it whiz through. “We’re a team, aren’t we?”

“We’re a team,” Harry nodded, and the possibly largest smile Sirius had ever seen blossomed onto his face. It was moments like this that Sirius was reassured. Reassured that Harry was happy, he was healthy, and he was living a life that his parents would want for him. And that gave Sirius a purpose that, despite not being what he had pictured for himself before, was higher than anything else he could imagine.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Thursday and the week was moving quickly, all things considered. The new healers working under Sirius weren’t necessarily improving quickly, but they were becoming more comfortable with asking Sirius the effective questions and what proper protocol was for basic potions and spells, which was a bigger deal than it sounded. Sirius was pleased to have gotten to the point where he could pass off the standard patients to them and wholly focus on matters that required a higher level of experience.

“Sirius?” Sirius looked up from the sandwich he was eating at his desk to see the head healer on the floor, Healer Adams, standing at his doorway and looking uncharacteristically frazzled. 

“Adolphus,” Sirius greeted him shortly, because he sensed that he was not standing there for chit-chat, “what’s going on?”

“We’ve just had a patient come in, unknown bite wound. Given the nature of the case, I’m going to need your attention on it. As much as you can manage,” he articulated, stepping forward and regarding Sirius with a grave expression.

“Alright, I can pass off the majority of my cases to the trainees,” Sirius agreed as he wiped his hands on the napkin in front of him and leaned back into a more relaxed position in his chair. “What do we know?”

He explained, “Patient was accompanying an herbologist on her trip to Southeastern Asia for a research project. Most of their time was spent in the rainforests gathering materials. They separated briefly while they were looking for various herbs, not for too long of a time, but during, the patient was allegedly attacked by something. When the herbologist eventually found him, he was in shock and couldn’t describe the attack. By the time she was able to apparate the two of them outside of St. Mungo’s, he was completely unconscious.”

“So the effects came on quickly,” Sirius muttered at the space in front of him. He looked up, “And she didn’t see anything at all? Anything that would give us a lead?”

“Apparently not. It sounds like she was in a good deal of shock too at the sight of all the blood and didn’t ask many questions,” Adolphus sighed, clearly exasperated by this piece of information too. Her successfully getting information about the attack out of the patient during the period of time when he was lucid would have made all the difference, Sirius thought. It was a bit bizarre she didn’t have a single concrete detail they could go off of. Adolphus continued, “She just found him lying by a river, huge bite wound on his upper thigh. He was moaning and lightly convulsing when she found him, she described the pain he was in as a ‘6 out of 10’ if she had to guess, but he was still able to form sentences, until he went unconscious, of course.”

Sirius inhaled slowing, thinking about what this all meant, and how much time they had to figure it out— probably not much, by the sound of the patient’s symptoms. It was likely that Adolphus had already tried the basic diagnostic spells on the patient, so that would be a ridiculous thing to ask about. Sirius already knew that this would be a challenging, albeit interesting, case for him to be on — but given how little information there was about the attack, he just didn’t know where to start. “And to confirm, you don’t think it would be worthwhile to talk with the herbologist again? Try to get more clues?” Sirius asked.

Adolphus blew out a gust of air and frowned, considering the question. “I truly don’t think so. I’ve questioned her myself, and this is the most reliable set of facts we’ve gotten about what happened. Although I wouldn’t rule out questioning her about the surroundings in more detail, mind; there could be clues there that none of us have put together yet.” 

Sirius nodded, and Adolphus took a step closer to the desk and rested his fingertips there, glancing minutely from side to side. “Sirius, the other thing about this case, the reason that I need the entire cavalry on this, so to speak, is because of the identify of the patient,” he said quietly.

“Oh?” Sirius asked, brow furrowing in curiosity.

“He’s extremely high profile, big name in the ministry,” Adolphus all but whispered.

“Ah, alright. Who is it?” Sirius inquired, bracing himself.

“Emerson Barnes.”

Sirius swallowed hard. The ministry had been… well, less than effective in the war against Voldemort, to put it kindly. Bumbling around uselessly, putting resources on bogus leads, and vehemently denying facts instead of acknowledging the truth of what had been building for about a decade, and Emerson Barnes had been right at the helm of it all. The head spokesperson with the power to inform and prepare the entire wizarding community of the UK, he had used his position instead to falsely placate the masses and make everything about saving the world from destruction harder for the Order. Most specifically, his piss-poor leadership made it harder for the Potters, who played the ultimate price for it all. 

“Fantastic,” Sirius heard himself mutter under his breath.

“What was that?” Adolphus asked with concern.

“So we don’t have any idea what creature the bite originated from then?” Sirius asked again, louder now, feeling that focusing on the facts of the case was the best way to deal with this entire situation. Factually. Unfeelingly. Deliberately.

“What type of creature?” Adolphus clarified and Sirius nodded. “No, not yet. That is the biggest obstruction right now to resolving the case. The bite pattern and symptoms are unlike anything I have seen before. Not in St. Mungo’s at least. Perhaps not in Great Britain.”

Sirius inhaled slowly at that information. “If you don’t recognize it, then I’m not sure what expertise I will bring to the table, if any,” he said, clasping his hands in front of him, “What exactly do you think my best course of action is to help?”

Adolphus nodded and cut to the chase. “I’m going to need you to branch out, through whatever means necessary. Get into contact with various experts in the subject of magical creatures, specifically Asian creatures if possible, obviously. But be open to other areas as well, because you never know what it could be,” he recited, “You have a lot of valuable contacts in the area, I believe? It’s a bit of a research project, less hands-on then I think you prefer, but if you can find out any information, it will be invaluable.”

“I can do that,” Sirius said as the gears inside of his head began to turn. “I suppose I’ll owl healers in international hospitals I have worked with and know are competent, start by sending them a picture of the bite mark on the patient and a breakdown of what we know and what we don’t know. That will be simple.” Sirius thought for a moment longer, of anything else that could provide potential information for this puzzle that he had been tasked to solve, and then it dawned on him. “There is a new Care of Magical Creatures professor at Hogwarts this year, right?”

“Yes, that’s right. Professor Foxgrove took early retirement at the end of last year to go study pixies in Ireland,” Adolphus said, already sounding relieved to have Sirius’ head on this. “I haven’t met her replacement yet, but he’s young I believe, around your age. You might have run into him while you were in school, actually.”

Sirius hummed at that information. If the new professor was younger than usual, he may not have the experience that Sirius was hoping for. But he would never know until he tried. “Maybe it’s worth looking into?” he supplied.

“There’s no reason not to. Maybe we’ll hit the jackpot and find out that he spent a couple of years studying in Asia,” Adolphus shrugged. “You never know.”

“I suppose not,” Sirius offered, “I will owl Dumbledore straight away and ask him to put us in touch.”

Adolphus’ eyebrows lifted as if he was just remembering something. “That’s right — you two are rather close aren’t you?”

Sirius laughed darkly. “I wouldn’t say that exactly. We have worked together, extensively, as I’m sure that you know. He’s a great wizard, but we have had some areas of disagreement,” Sirius summarized, “But yes, I am close enough to ask him for any further leads that he may have.”

Adolphus knocked a hand against the desk and his voice sounded pleased when he said, “Fantastic, I’ll give you free rein on it all then. Mr. Barnes is in room 1-33 if you would like to go in and observe him. Get a picture of the wound if you need any additional ones. Ah, and here is his pre-existing file with all symptoms and health indicators,” Adolphus flicked his wand and a file appeared on top of Sirius’ desk. “It will update accordingly with any new information, as you’re well aware, so keep it with you at all times.”

“Of course,” Sirius nodded as he opened the file, deciding to familiarize himself with the details before going to visit the patient. “What’s the current status of Mr. Barnes?”

“Magically induced coma to stop the seizing. Vitals are all fine. However,” Adolphus sighed, “a dark green rash is spreading from the bite wound. It’s spreading very slowly, but we don’t know what it is nor the actual health impact, and that’s a tremendous problem. Hopefully it doesn’t speed up and we have some time to figure everything out before there’s potentially... permanent damage.”

“A rash?” Sirius asked, combing quickly through the photos in search for one, “Consistency is the same as his skin?”

“Not quite,” Adolphus answered with a sigh, and Sirius could pick up that the mystery of it all was bothering him deeply. It had probably been a long time since something had stumped the head healer of the creature-induced injuries ward. Sirius was zooming in on a particularly high-resolution photo when Adolphus continued, “Skin is turning thicker and coarser, raised in some areas, as the rash spreads. It’s subtle right now, but I have an inkling that it won’t stay that way if it remains untreated.”

“Okay,” Sirius nodded as he digested the information. “Well I’ll get started on it now, then.”

“I’ll be here if you need me. This is a high-profile patient and not something that our department can afford to drop the ball on, not after that whole Tally Bridgewater fiasco back in June,” he tacked on with a mumble.

“Ha, no I suppose not,” Sirius laughed without thinking that anything at all was funny — particularly not that fucking Tally Bridgewater. What a mess that had been, but he supposed that St. Mungo’s had deserved that bad publicity at the time, given that the potion mix-up on the second floor had led to an outbreak of unexpected Dragonpox (which was handled within hours, but of course the _ Daily Prophet _ chose to leave that minor detail out). “I’ll do my research for the rest of the day, reach out to a few contacts, and I’ll let you know what the plan is before I leave for the night,” Sirius said, file still in hand, fingers itching to dive in.

“Fantastic,” Adolphus confirmed as he turned to walk out of the office, but he looked back before he did. “I’ll try not to bother you at home, I know you have Harry, but if it gets urgent, I’m going to need all hands on deck.”

“Understood,” Sirius responded simply and made a mental note to let Molly know when he picked Harry up that night that he would be on call for the foreseeable future. “It won’t be a problem Adolphus.” 

“It never is,” he said with a nod hand on the doorframe, “Just wanted to give you a head’s up.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk to you later tonight,” Sirius offered.

Adolphus nodded and walked out into the hallway while Sirius flipped open the file again. He got a quick overview of the Emerson Barnes’ background — 47-year-old male of European descent, nothing notable about his previous history apart from a couple of self-inflicted jinxes that Sirius found to be so bizarre that he didn’t even want to know the reasoning behind them, not currently taking any potions prescribed by a healer — and then read about the symptoms he was exhibiting due to the bite. Frequent seizures, racing pulse — both of which were tempered at the moment by the magically-induced coma — skin-discoloration, mild eye discoloration. 

Eye discoloration. Well that was interesting. Could be an indicator of dark magic, but not always.

After ten more minutes getting to know the information in the file, he decided to get a couple of owls out before it got any later. He would be thrilled if he could get some responses before he left St. Mungo’s that night and set up a couple of meetings for the next day. He didn’t necessarily need to go see Emerson in person, nor did he want to, given all of the images in the file that were live-updating practically every second. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to interact with the patient at all, whether he was in a coma or not.

Sirius decided to start with Dumbledore first and get that one out of the way. It would be a quick, easy letter, and if proven to be unfruitful, it would at least give him the opportunity to touch base with the wizard. Sirius had been purposely neglectful of that, for good reason, he thought, but knew that Dumbledore was a good ally to have nonetheless. 

_ Dear Albus, _

_ I have been assigned a patient at St. Mungo’s with a rather mysterious bite wound that neither Healer Adams nor myself have ever come across before. Would you please put me in touch with the new Care of Magical Creatures professor? I am reaching out to anybody who may have any new information in the field of study. If you know of any other contacts who may be able to provide information on magical creatures native to Southeastern Asia, I would be much obliged. Thank you in advance. _

_ Sincerely, _

_Sirius Black_  
_ Healer at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries  
Creature Induced Injuries Ward, First Floor_

_ P.S. Harry is doing well. He can spell his name now and I am teaching him to ride a broomstick on Saturday. _

Sirius reread the letter, felt it was good enough — it covered all of the bases — and decided to take it straight to the owlery before even beginning the other letters. The sooner it could go out, the better, particularly since Hogwarts would be such an easy trip for him to make.

He decided to take the stairs up to the owlery on the seventh floor, giving him time to consider who else to write to once he got back. Unfortunately, Sirius had not spent any significant time outside of Europe in regard to his work. He had trained as close to home as he could, never branching out too far for Harry’s sake. He had not taken as much time to network as he should have, again, so he could spend more time with his godson. Rather, his son. Harry was his son, biology be damned.

Although he had never taken the time to learn the healing practices more prominent in Southeast Asia, perhaps somebody he had trained with had. There was Gaspard at the wizarding hospital in France and Mathilda in Germany, both of them also specializing in creature-induced injuries. And perhaps Andris who was back in Latvia now, Sirius believed, who didn’t have a specialty but was more of a medical ‘jack of all trades’ who was always up to date on the new research and spellwork in the magical healing realm. Yes, Andris was a good resource, and the three of them would be a solid place to start. 

Sirius reached the owlery and found he was the only person there. Perfect. A small black owl straightened up when she saw him and stared at him expectantly.

“Fiona,” Sirius said affectionately, and the black owl flew over to him, landed on his outstretched wrist, and gave his shoulder a quick peck, which Sirius interpreted as something equivalent to a kiss, “my beloved. Are you up for a trip to Hogwarts?”

Fiona fluttered her wings with excitement, and Sirius laughed before rolling the note up and placing the official St. Mungo’s seal over it. 

“Take it to Dumbledore, the headmaster — which of course you already know, the genius that you are,” Fiona hooted softly and Sirius got a thrill from the idea that she could possibly understand what he was saying. “Wait around for a response, but don’t pester him if he’s busy. But if he isn’t in, would you take it to Professor McGonagall? I’m sure that she could give me the information that I need until he is able to respond.”

Fiona stuck out one of her legs in response, and Sirius tied the note to it before giving her a soft pet down the feathers of her back. She gave one last hoot before taking a step away and flying out the window. 

Sirius made his way back to his office to write the other three letters that he would need to send out before the end of the day. It was an easy task, all three of them nearly identical, and he finished them up quickly. After another quick trip up to the owlery, he checked in with his trainees to ensure their cases were in good shape and being managed appropriately. Emmeline had a brief concern about a patient who had come in after being bit by a moderately venomous snake, and Sirius was pleased when Davis, another one of the trainees, was able to solve the problem she was facing before Sirius even had to step in. 

Hours passed by quickly that day, and just as Sirius was beginning to pack up for the night, a light peck at the window notified him that Fiona had returned, and with a new letter tied to her leg. He recognized the familiar seal of the headmaster and opened it eagerly, hoping that perhaps the first contact he reached out to would lead him to the answer that he needed for this assignment. 

_ Dear Sirius, _

_ How good to hear from you, it certainly has been awhile. Glad to hear that Harry is doing well. He is lucky to have you. _

_ Our New Care of Magical Creatures professor is a wizard from your year at Hogwarts. A Ravenclaw. I believe you may know him. His name is Remus Lupin. _

_ Remus has informed me that he would be happy to meet with you tomorrow before his classes begin. He has suggested that you meet at eight in the morning on the side of the Great Lake nearest to the Quidditch pitch. You may use the floo network in my office to arrive at Hogwarts and walk on down to the lake. He is quite bright and I’m sure will be able to offer some insight into your case. _

_ As for further contacts, let’s discuss before you floo out of my office tomorrow. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Albus Dumbledore  
_ _ Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry _

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the letter for a long moment. There was a lot to unpack here, and Sirius scratched at the side of his head as he started to think through it. 

Albus wanted to speak to him personally — that was why Sirius was to use the floo network in his office. And that was why he was withholding from sharing any contacts via letter. He groaned just thinking about it, thinking about the contents of the last real conversation — if one could even call it that — that he and Dumbledore had had. Since then, Sirius had flown under the radar, focused on his own life. He wasn’t the same person that he used to be, and he certainly did not rise to the idea of ‘social calls’ any longer, particularly when they involved an undercurrent of answering to someone else. Explaining, justifying himself, to someone else.

But more interesting than that bullshit was Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin... Sirius was certain that he remembered a Remus Lupin. Lanky, tall, quiet, if he recalled correctly — but not shy. Only spoke when he had something of value to contribute, and usually with a cryptic smile on his face that made the person looking at it wish he was in on the secret. Essentially, the opposite of James and himself, two clowns who constantly talked, whether anyone wanted to hear them or not. 

Although he usually kept classroom chatter confined to the normal crew back then, he was sure he had talked to Remus Lupin at some point during their time at Hogwarts. Multiple times, most likely — they had been there for seven years at the same time for crying out loud. He had been friends with that other Ravenclaw, Adalia Scales — the one with the ‘great ass’ according to James, and Sirius agreed, but of course she was never actually James’ type since his type was Lily Evans and Lily Evans only. But yes, those two had been friends, Sirius remembered now. Hadn’t they dated? They must have for how much time they spent together. Maybe they were married by now. It would be nice if they were happy.

It was interesting, he felt, thinking about life outside of his own little bubble for the first time in a long while. Thinking about a life that had existed before his had been torn to shreds, leaving only a sweet orphaned boy with hair like his father’s and eyes like his mother’s in its destruction. It was interesting to think how, after a tragedy, a life that felt so ordinary at the time was actually extraordinary in retrospect. And Sirius longed for those days, the days when he was so wrapped up in homework and quidditch and making his best friend laugh that he didn’t even notice his Ravenclaw classmate, not really, the one who was now the Care of Magical Creatures professor that could potentially solve the biggest problem at St. Mungo’s if Sirius was lucky.

Sirius checked the time. It was past the end of the day now, and it was time for him to go pick up Harry so that Molly wouldn’t have to endure another later-than-expected night. He would need to make a quick stop at Healer Adams’ office, to let him know about the trip to Hogwarts tomorrow, and make sure that he was equipped with all of the recent updates in the patient’s status. 

He didn’t think he would, but Sirius was looking forward to his little field trip back to Hogwarts the next morning. Being sent out on a quasi-research project was greatly preferable to sharing the same building as Emerson Barnes. Sirius wouldn’t consider himself a complete recluse after the war ended; however, dealing with the face of the Ministry, even in a comatose state, was a lot to ask of him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius stepped out into Dumbledore’s office and found it completely unchanged compared to when he’d last been there. It was he and James and Peter to be exact. And that’s where they had sat, across from the desk, as they were brought in for whatever prank they had gotten caught doing. It had never been bad, visiting the headmaster; Dumbledore always had a unique way of instilling fear, but through a joke, which somehow made it all sink in even deeper just how much of a force he was. Only an approach that Dumbledore could pull off, his signature method, he came to realize more and more as he settled into fatherhood. And Sirius found, as he looked around the empty office that was still filled with the same trinkets and books — and there was Fawkes in the corner there — that he missed it all. 

And then he had gotten to know the man more, and he truly got to witness the power that he possessed when the three of them started working with the Order. That strength of will that underscored every conversation that they had together at Hogwarts became a blinding force when Dumbledore yielded it against anyone deemed to be an enemy. His capacity to rain down justice in the face of truth was something he would always remember with awe, when Dumbledore realized that Peter had been the mole. If Dumbledore was Minister of Magic then, things would have turned out very, very differently.

Perhaps Dumbledore was waiting for Sirius’ departure from Hogwarts that day to have a word with him — that was most likely the case, as the man never did anything without full intention. It would give them more time to talk about whatever Dumbledore was going to throw at him this time. Sirius sighed; it would be a long day, he was sure. But right now he had a meeting to get to out by the Great Lake. 

Sirius walked through the castle feeling like ghost — one that resembled his former self on the outside only, which was usually the case when he revisited anything from his past. But especially here. He made an effort not to think too much about the familiarity of the space around him, particularly all the memories that he had buried away in some deep chamber of his brain, and promised to let himself do that on the way back from his meeting. That would be a better time, when he didn’t need to reintroduce himself to a classmate that he desperately needed help from. 

It was chilly outside, and a small layer of snow lined the ground, which was typical for February at Hogwarts. However, the sun was out that day, which seemed to make a world of difference, and Sirius let himself bask a little bit in the warm light that was hitting his face, in stark contrast to the actual temperature of the air that was already starting to sting his hands. As the lake came into view, he noticed a figure sitting by the bank nearest to him, closest to the quidditch pitch as he had instructed, and reading from something that he was holding in his hands.

“Professor Lupin,” Sirius said as he approached the other man, who was reading what Sirius could now see was some sort of newspaper. He was dressed in his full Hogwarts cloak and probably a couple of extra layers underneath, considering he looked as warm and content as could be.

“Sirius,” Professor Lupin looked up with a smile, and Sirius was met with a wave of _ something _ that he couldn’t name just then, some peculiar, foreign feeling. “Just call me Remus. Unless you’d prefer I call you Healer Black in return?” Lupin added, pushing himself up slowly into a standing position, and he walked a few paces over to meet him. 

Sirius took a moment to take Remus in while he was distracted with putting his newspaper away, this vaguely familiar figure from his past. He looked like the general image Sirius had of him from their time at Hogwarts — tall and lean, a kind face with hazel eyes and hair the color of dark honey — but there were aspects about him now that caught Sirius off guard. The most obvious one was the large scar across his face, one that had to have been from a run-in with some sort of beast based on the jagged look of it. Then there was the slight limp. Sirius barely would have noticed it except that it was his job to notice these things; seemed he favored his right side more than his left, but it didn’t seem to slow him down at all if the bright smile on his face was any indication. Sirius was curious about what sort of creatures he had encountered during his studies, and in particular, whatever had caused these two things.

“No,” Sirius chuckled, briefly wondering why he had been so formal from the start, “absolutely unnecessary. You’re right.”

“It’s good to see you again,” Remus said as he straightened the bag over one of his broad shoulders more comfortably. The satin bronze and blue lining the inside his Ravenclaw robes suited him, Sirius thought vaguely.

“It’s good to see you too,” Sirius responded cordially, wondering just how much interaction the two of them had actually had back at Hogwarts. The way that Remus spoke led him to believe that perhaps they were more acquainted than he had originally thought— but wouldn’t he have remembered? “It’s been a long while since I’ve been back here. Well, outside of St. Mungo’s actually,” Sirius admitted with a soft laugh that resembled a sigh more than anything. 

“That’s too bad,” Remus mused.

“Is it?” Sirius asked.

“Sure, there’s so much beauty outside of St. Mungo’s,” Remus offered matter-of-factly, referring obviously to the beautiful grounds they were on as one example.

Sirius huffed a laugh. “Is that why you are sitting out here by the lake, even though it must be the literal coldest spot at Hogwarts right now?”

Remus’ smile stretched further across his face, as if Sirius has just given him the go-head to talk about something that he had been dying to address. “It’s the perfect spot,” he opined, turning his head to look around them, before returning his gaze to Sirius, “Many many friends, right here at this spot, by the lake. Plus, it’s never too cold when you know the right warming charm.”

Sirius’ eyes flitted from side to side in search, but no, it was just them. “Friends?” he clarified.

“Oh sure, you’d be surprised how many friends you can make when you know how to present yourself properly to them,” Remus explained, matter-of-fact tone back again, “Tortoises, giant squids, kelpies. Hell, I’ve been dying to befriend a merperson, but I haven’t totally figured out the trick to that one yet.”

“Perhaps breathing underwater would be a good place to start,” Sirius supplied, matching his tone.

“Perhaps,” Remus laughed. But Sirius wasn’t sure why, he hadn’t exactly meant it as a joke. It was the logical necessity to interacting with a merperson. “Would you like to meet the tortoise? I think you two will get along?”

It was silent for a beat and Remus just raised his eyebrows. “Sure?” Sirius answered uncertainly, unsure what about him would imply that he’d get along so splendidly with a tortoise.

Remus looked mighty pleased as he nodded behind Sirius. “Okay, walk over here with me,” Remus instructed as he brushed past Sirius, and they headed towards a tree that was about 25 yards away. When they got to it, Sirius noticed a large box-like ‘house’ — he supposed it was made of wood. It was probably hand-made by Remus, and something about the realization made Sirius’ heart melt just fractionally. “This here is Lunchbucket,” Remus said, lifting a slender hand towards the house.

Sirius’ gaze returned to Remus at that. “Lunchbucket?” Sirius repeated with deep sympathy, feeling sure that was the most unappealing name a creature could ever be bestowed with. 

“Yeah, a tortoise looks kind of like a lunchbucket doesn’t it?“ Remus asked, “With a cute little head poking out and arms and legs like handles?”

Sirius drew up a tortoise in his imagination and clicked his tongue. “You know what, I don’t see it…”

“Lunchbucket enjoys long — albeit slow — walks around the lake,” Remus continued happily, unperturbed, “sleeping, eating; he really loves melons of any sort—“, Remus stopped for a moment, releasing a small gasp, when a large tortoise began to crawl out of the wooden house.

“There’s the star,” Remus murmured, crouching down to get a closer look at him before he glanced back up at Sirius, eyes absolutely sparkling now, and Sirius wondered what universe he was in. “Lunchbucket isn’t magical, of course, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a place for him at Hogwarts.”

“Uh, he’s cute. Very, uh, sturdy,” Sirius commented, because he felt he should say something about this creature that Remus seemed so fond of. As the tortoise registered the new voice, his head shifted over in Sirius’ direction, and a moment later he began to crawl over to him.

“Right! Like a lunchbucket!” Remus said before his head whipped between the two of them, a look of awe in his eyes as he watched. “Sirius,” Remus started again, his voice full of significance now as he stood up, “he wants to meet you. Look at that, isn’t it spectacular?”

“Is it?” Sirius asked as he remained glued to the spot on which he stood as Lunchbucket inched closer and closer to him. The tortoise was only about a meter away from now, and Sirius had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Does one pet a tortoise?

Remus waited, watching as if a tortoise crawling to Sirius was the most entertaining thing he had seen in a long time — which Sirius knew that it wasn’t, the bloke worked with _ magical _creatures for fuck’s sake, and this was just a tortoise.

“Sirius,” Remus whispered delicately, as if something magnificent were happening that he didn’t want to ruin. Meanwhile, Sirius wondered why the other man insisted on saying his name so often. “He loves you.”

Sirius looked down, at Lunchbucket, who was right upon him now, and he watched as the tortoise opened his mouth and begin gnawing at the hem of his robes. He looked back up at Remus, confused. “This is love?”

Remus nodded knowingly. “He thinks you’re a honeydew.”

“He thinks I’m a melon?” Sirius clarified, wishing that they could just get straight to talking about the case. This was cute and all, maybe, if Sirius was being generous, but he had a real purpose for being here. 

Remus elaborated as Lunchbucket gave a particularly powerful chomp that pulled Sirius forward an inch, “Your St. Mungo’s robes. They are green. He sees green and thinks, bam, honeydew. Delicious.”

“He must be disappointed right about now then,” Sirius said but he remained frozen, wanting to save his robes from Lunchbucket, but not wanting to displease Remus, for some stupid reason. 

“You can pull it out of his mouth,” Remus laughed, as if reading Sirius’ thoughts. “He’s adorable, but he shouldn’t have full reign over your clothes.”

“Right,” Sirius coughed as he tugged gently at the corner of his robe that was currently being munched on. The fabric slid easily out of Lunchbucket’s mouth and Sirius took a long step back. 

“It’s alright, Lunchbucket,” Remus turned his attention back to the tortoise and lifted a plastic bag out of his robe pockets, “I brought you some cantaloupe. You know you can always count on me.” He fished dumped the melon out of the bag and set it on the ground, immediately diverting Lunchbucket’s attention from Sirius and his disappointedly-not-honeydew garment. Sirius looked back over at Remus and found that his eyes were back on him, as if nothing out of the ordinary — certainly nothing about melons and massive tortoises and honeydew robes — had ever taken place. 

Remus tipped his head to the side, and his eyes bore into Sirius’ in a manner that was almost alarming. “Do you want to walk?” he asked, nodding to the side, the friendliness of his voice coming through in stark contrast to the intensity of his gaze, and Sirius felt that peculiar feeling again. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly.

“A walk sounds great,” Sirius nodded, and a moment later, he began to follow Remus’ stride away from the lake. “How’s your first year been going? You made it through the first semester unscathed, I hope?”

“Everything that I could have hoped for, honestly,” Remus answered earnestly, nestling his hands into the robes of his pockets as they walked against the chill. “The students will often give me a hard time for my age, of course, but once I launch into a story about my travels, or even better, bring in a rather intimidating creature that they aren’t equipped to handle without me, I can usually get rid of that perception.” Sirius noticed the old scar and Remus’ limp a bit more starkly just then, and he wondered again about what trouble Remus had gotten himself into long ago, likely with the same level of curiosity as his new students.

“Fantastic. Scaring the children, I couldn’t come up with a better strategy myself,” Sirius offered.

“Exactly,” Remus laughed in response, a puff of breath escaping through pearly white teeth, and Sirius took a long inhale as he swiveled his head to survey their surroundings. The school loomed behind them, the same as what he remembered, mostly, but it felt strangely unfamiliar somehow. In reality, the ancient grounds were exactly the same, but the observer in this case was the variable. The thing that time changed. “You’re so different now,” Remus said with almost psychic awareness, pulling the focus back over to Sirius.

Sirius licked his lips, buying himself a second to consider again how much he actually remembered of Remus; still not much, truthfully and not enough to be able to make an intelligent comparison across time. “Did we know each other that well?” he asked hesitantly.

Remus hummed noncommittally. “I guess not, no,” Remus shrugged, “but I’m observant.”

“I guess I’m different,” Sirius observed aloud, but of course he knew that he was, “I guess everyone is different now, though. And older. Wiser, somewhat. Maybe.” He sighed some sort of laugh through his nose. What the hell was he saying?

Remus hummed again, and his gaze remained set on Sirius. “It’s not just that though, is it?”

“No,” Sirius answered after a moment passed, “I suppose it’s not.”

It was quiet for a few beats before Sirius saw Remus look ahead again from his periphery and heard his deep intake of breath. “So,” he started, “tell me about this mysterious patient.”

“Right,” Sirius said, moving quickly to reach into his robes to grab the Barnes file, relieved to be led to a topic that wasn’t so personal. “A bit of a challenge, this one. The patient had an encounter with a mysterious creature that Healer Adams and I are having a very difficult time identifying, and therefore a very difficult time addressing how to heal. What we know is that he was apparently in a rainforest in Southeastern Asia, tagging along with a friend who was doing herbology work, and was bitten while they were separated briefly. Says she found him unconscious by a river with a large bite wound on his thigh. When local medical professionals got to him, he was already having seizures, so we estimate the symptoms set in within 20 minutes of contact at most.”

“That’s interesting,” Remus thought for a moment. “And it wasn’t a snake, we know that, right?”

“Based on the bite marks,” Sirius tapped the file with his wand to bring up various pictures of Barnes’ thigh and moved closer to Remus to show him, “definitely not a snake.”

“No, that’s for sure,” Remus tilted is head to the side as he used his wand to zoom in and out of the various pictures. When he came across one of the more recent photos taken at St. Mungo’s of the rash, he seemed to focus in on the texture of the skin, and when he leaned over to get a better look, their shoulders knocked together. “You’re absolutely, unequivocally sure he was in Southeast Asia?” he asked without looking up, zooming in on the bizarre wound and mottled dark green skin.

“According to the herbologist he was traveling with, yes,” Sirius responded. “That’s pretty much the only lead we have. Why? Are you thinking that doesn’t line up?”

“It certainly does not line up,” Remus said with an easy sureness. “Apart from snakes in the rainforest, there aren’t many particularly aggressive magical creatures native to Southeast Asia. Kappas aren’t aggressive by nature, as I’m sure you are aware, but even when they do act in defense, their mouths would not leave that sort of bite—“

“Right, it would be more of a gash as opposed to such precise markings?” Sirius asked, because even he had an inkling that these bite patterns were uniquely rare, “More frantic.”

“That’s right,” Remus nodded. “And considering this rash spreading from the wound coupled with the bite pattern, I’m at a loss. The only creatures that leave a discolored rash of this nature are a very small insect from desert regions in Africa — much too small to leave this wound — a peculiar virus only known to merpeople that usually does not affect humans, or dark magic,” he continued, zooming in on another photo of the rash. “But it’s clear the consistency of the skin is evolving into scales,” he said quietly, zooming further, lips pursed now. He glanced up at Sirius. “Scales and dark discoloration like this are typical of dark magic. I’m skeptical, Sirius. You should go back and question the premises of the problem you’re trying to solve.”

Sirius looked up from the image and focused in on Remus now. Dark magic, he thought as he his stomach dropped. That would up the stakes. “You mean, you think the herbologist may be lying?”

“Lying, mistaken, confused, whatever you want to call it. But that,” Remus pointed at the picture in the file, “didn’t come from Southeast Asia, unless there is some new dangerous hybrid creature on the loose that I haven’t heard about. However, I do tend to keep pretty up to date on that sort of thing.” 

“Fuck,” Sirius said under his breath.

“I know,” Remus laughed morosely, but in a way that made Sirius think that maybe this whole situation wasn’t as daunting as he thought, “sorry I made this a lot more complicated for you.”

“No, no. This is helpful,” Sirius assured, putting the documentation away, “This is a good revelation. I’ll share it with Adolphus and maybe it will all click into place for us.” Sirius’ breath hitched as he remembered, “And there’s a report here that his eyes are discolored.”

Remus’ eyebrows lifted and his eyes narrowed, and he knew that they were both thinking the same thing. This wasn’t good. But then Remus hummed again, and Sirius realized that he liked the sound; it was low and comforting. “Well, I will review my texts later this evening for good measure and see if any known, aggressive creatures could potentially leave a bite like that, but I frankly would be shocked if I find anything,” Remus explained, “‘Tis quite the mystery you’ve got on your hands, but fortunately for the patient, it’s in the right hands.” Sirius nodded, and it was silent for a few beats, the easy sounds of their footsteps in the light snow serving as background music while Sirius mulled the case over. 

“So do you miss it?” Remus asked, breaking the silence as he nodded at the pitch. 

Sirius sighed and glanced again at his surroundings, pausing his focus on the case for a moment. The school grounds looked impeccable, as usual, the forest looked foreboding, as usual, and then there was the quidditch pitch that Remus was referring to. The quidditch pitch.

“I don’t know,” Sirius said, noting that his voice sounded somber, and for the first time that he could remember, he didn’t feel like it was necessary to conceal that. “I feel a lot of things standing here right now. It’s difficult to sort through it all and identify what each one is on its own.”

“So... an amalgamation of nostalgia?” Remus summarized.

“Nostalgia,” Sirius confirmed, “And sadness. Disillusionment. Anger. I don’t know. Numbness, the most, I suppose.” Sirius carded a hand through his hair and took a deep inhale that stung his lungs with cold, wondering why he was talking like this to a stranger. “Shit, I sound like a miserable fuck, don’t I?” Sirius laughed darkly. “I’m not miserable, I swear. I’m just…”

“Numb?” Remus asked.

“Right,” Sirius admitted again through a breath, and it felt oddly good to own up to it. Numb. That’s what he was. “I miss a lot of things about being here. But mostly, I think I miss being young and carefree and having a life that was my own. One that I was sure of,” Sirius muttered in a way that felt nonsensical as he stopped to stare at the pitch, memories flooding back into his brain faster than he would like. “You didn’t play, did you?” he asked in a solid attempt to pull the conversation off of himself and move onto something lighter, easier to manage.

Remus chuckled, and Sirius figured he could see right through him. “No,” he said simply, and after a beat, “It was fun to watch, though. Particularly you and James.”

Sirius inhaled sharply and whipped his head around to look at Remus. It wasn’t often that anybody brought this subject up without careful poking and prodding first to see what type of mood Sirius was in. He couldn’t figure out if he liked that Remus didn’t adhere to that censorship or not, but it certainly made him feel a bit lost at sea, unsure of what to do.

So Sirius made a gametime decision to respond in whatever way felt natural just then; Remus wasn’t censoring himself, so maybe it was a good time to not censor himself either. And after the immediate shock, he fully admitted to himself that memories of him and James were what he’d been staving off this entire visit to Hogwarts. The admission sucked, but it was comforting to admit all the same. 

“I suppose it must have been,” he said, sighing a sad laugh as he looked out across the pitch again.

Sirius could feel Remus looking at him. “Made it difficult to root for my own house, you two did,” he said, and Sirius could tell he was smiling.

“Wow, those are bold words, Remus,” Sirius said as he glanced over at the other man.

The corner of Remus’ mouth quirked up as he trained his eyes on Sirius’. “I’m a bold man, Black,” he said.

“Alright,” Sirius laughed awkwardly, feeling off center in a way that was completely new to him. He didn’t mind it though. He ran a hand through his hair, and when he looked back at Remus, he was wearing a smile that made Sirius think that he knew something significant. Something that Sirius was missing.

“I can vividly remember that time in potions, sixth year I think,” Remus started as he began walking again, and Sirius followed, “when we were supposed to be brewing Felix Felicis in Slughorn’s class, but you and James got into some sort of dare about who could do the craziest thing while the other distracted him? Am I remembering that right?”

Sirius huffed as the memories came rushing back into his brain, memories he hadn’t allowed in in years. “How do you even remember that?”

“You distracted Slughorn first, I believe,” Remus continued, blatantly ignoring Sirius’ question as if it had never been asked at all, “by heating the pot _ before _putting the horseradish in, which we both know was on purpose because you were always far too smart for that rookie mistake. So it exploded all over your table, surprise, and all the girls were screaming. And then while you were explaining to Slughorn what you had done, vaguely, may I add, James jumped onto his desk and gave the class a little example of some country western dancing — extra focus on the hip rolls if I recall correctly,” and Remus lifted a pointer finger, “which I do.”

Sirius’ shoulders shook with silent laughter. “The man and those hips of his,” Sirius got out, “could never keep them to himself.” Remus gave his own laugh, tipping his head back a micron to expose a long, lean neck that matched the rest of him. 

They continued walking together, falling back into quiet step. “I’m sorry about what happened, by the way,” Remus offered softly, “to James and Lily.” 

“Oh,” Sirius said. “Yeah. Me too.”

“You really are rather different now, aren’t you?” Remus asked again, but softly, and Sirius wondered why this was so interesting that he would bring it up twice.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.

“You’re so formal. So stoic. Reserved. I’m sorry, but,” he started, huffing a laugh of disbelief before continuing “I’m just having a hard time believing that you are the same person who started to perform a striptease on top of Slughorn’s desk while James ‘accidentally’ dropped the entire stock of murtlap tentacles all over the floor.” 

“Oh no,” Sirius muttered, as if he had expected that the years of war and despair that had come after Hogwarts would have somehow erased this memory from the minds of everybody who had witnessed it.

“You were quite good at it by the way,” Remus admitted shamelessly, “I was sad when you got caught and hauled away to Dumbledore’s office.”

Sirius licked his lips, and the frigid cold air against them felt helpfully refreshing. “Do you always say whatever pops into your head?” he asked.

Remus laughed once, like a bark, and then slowly shook his head. “Trust me, I’m not saying whatever is popping into my head right now. But I do believe in direct questions and I believe in telling the truth,” Remus said, “or at least, not lying.”

Sirius coughed. He didn’t know what to make of Remus or what might have been going on in his head that he wasn’t already saying. He spoke so naturally, so freely, and thus, how does one even try to read between the lines with a person who is saying exactly what he means to? 

“I suppose I should go then,” Sirius attempted to conclude the conversation. “Get back to St. Mungo’s and figure this mess out.”

Remus nodded, and Sirius tried vaguely to sense whether there was any disappointment in his demeanor, but he wouldn’t admit that until later. For the record, he couldn’t quite tell.

“Let me know what you end up finding out, you know,” Remus said, “confidentially and all that.”

“Yeah, alright.” Sirius answered. And he would. Remus deserved to know whatever this mysterious creature encounter ended up being. Or if it was a mysterious creature at all, he couldn’t help but think. “Well, I’ll be in touch.”

“It was nice to see you again, Sirius,” Remus said, direct as ever as he stuck his hand out for Sirius to shake. Sirius took it firmly. His hand was warm and dry, and his smile was warm too.

“You too, Remus,” he nodded once and took the other man in one last time — that scar really was prominent, but it suited him, a physical representation of the man’s boldness and intrigue — before turning swiftly and heading back to the castle.

The walk back was quick, and given the thoughts swirling around in his mind about the interaction he had just had for the last 15 minutes, he barely noticed anything around him until he reached Dumbledore’s office for the second time that morning. 

“Hello, Sirius,” Dumbledore’s familiar voice greeted him as soon as his left foot landed through the doorway of his office. And there he was, Albus Dumbledore, in all his subtle and not so subtle glory. The man that Sirius had been passively avoiding for about four years now, which was unfortunate, given all that they had been through together. 

“Albus,” Sirius responded, walking to take the seat in front of the headmaster’s desk that he was motioning to. 

“I trust that Remus was helpful?”

“Helpful, yes,” Sirius confirmed. And then, because he couldn’t help himself, “He’s an interesting one isn’t he?”

“Quite,” Dumbledore answered simply, and with a smile that was almost obnoxious to Sirius for a reason he did not know. “Did he shed some light onto the case that has been causing you and Adolphus some issues?”

“I think so,” Sirius sat back, feeling a little more comfortable now. “Not definitively. There are a lot more questions that I have now than I did before I met with him. But perhaps he has put me on the correct path to move forward. So I am grateful for that.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that he was able to help,” 

Sirius agreed with a hum and the space between them fell silent. Sirius tapped his foot after another moment passed and he looked around the room as if he were taking everything in, but he knew that Albus’ eyes had not left his gaze. His bookshelves were jam packed with books and Sirius would bet that Albus had somehow managed to read every single one of them. Fawkes was over there in the corner licking at his feathers, and there was Albus, still staring at him, without an ounce of shame.

“What?” Sirius nearly snapped, but held himself back and it thankfully only came out as mildly frustrated.

“You’re doing well with Harry,” he said simply. Unbothered. A stark contrast to Sirius, which made it all even worse.

“I am,” Sirius snapped now, more annoyed now. “You of all people do not need to tell me that. I’m sure you realize that, Albus.”

“I understand your frustration,” Dumbledore sighed now, and at least there was that, “but I’m hoping we can move past it, for Harry’s sake.”

“I don’t answer to you when it comes to Harry,” Sirius responded dryly. 

“No, you are right. And I apologize for ever taking actions that went against that,” 

Sirius stared at him, knowing he had the upper hand now. The surprise of an apology still didn’t outweigh the battle he had had to fight through a wizengamot to maintain his rights as Harry’s legal guardian, but he supposed it was a start. A small one, but it was there. 

“I was wrong to do so,” Dumbledore continued. “I suppose I viewed you as the same boy who was hauled into my office for clogging all of the girls’ toilets with fizzing whizbees all those years ago, an impressive feat, I might add, but not what I had in mind for Harry’s guardian. But no, that was unfair of me.”

“Thank you.”

“He’s going to be important, you know?”

“I know he is,” Sirius sighed, because this was a topic that he wished with his entire being did not exist.

“He will be alright though, I will be keeping an eye on him when he starts Hogwarts.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said again. And then after a bit of hesitation, he added, “He is my world now.”

“Yes,” Dumbledore smiled, and Sirius was relieved that he didn’t see any sadness there, it reassured some fear in him that he always felt in some way but had never defined, “he’s quite lucky to have you.”

Sirius looked away from Albus’ friendly gaze, finding it was too much to handle for more than a short while. It wasn’t that he distrusted Albus, Sirius trusted him more than he was comfortable with, but he was wary to connect with him anymore. Any longer. When it came to Harry, Sirius was on his own. He was the constant, and it wasn’t something that he needed anybody else’s validation about. He coughed. 

“About those other contacts you wrote about?”

“Ah, of course,” Dumbledore finally broke the gaze to reach down for a file in front of him. “I think you may find this useful,” he slid it across the desk to Sirius. “International healers who I have worked with before, past students who work in the same or similar fields, magical researchers in the areas of genetics, magical evolutionary science, and geology.”

Sirius nodded as he stood up, thinking instinctively that the visit had run its course. “Thank you, Albus, I’ll keep you up to date on how it all turns out.”

“Please,” Dumbledore sounded delighted, and a part of Sirius was relieved they were on good terms — perhaps the part of him that would always be one of his students, the part of him that was still always learning despite their frustrations from the past. “And about Harry too, please.”

“Alright,” Sirius agreed, and he meant it. It would be best for Harry, after all, to be familiar with someone who would inevitably play a large role in his life. “Goodbye, Albus. I’m sure I will see you soon.”

“I’m sure,” Dumbledore agreed, and a moment later Sirius was flooing back to St. Mungo’s, file in hand and some errant thoughts in mind about what an odd hour of his life that had just been.


	4. Chapter 4

“It’s this one,” Harry declared, his voice indicating that he was quite mesmerized and the look on his face confirming it in spades.

“Are you certain?” Sirius asked, using the same tone of voice that he would when asking the same question of Emmeline. 

“It’s perfect,” Harry whispered, not answering the question directly, but still answering it all the same. He looked up from the broomstick he was holding. “I’ve always dreamed of my very own broomstick.” And Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at the theatrics of it all.

“I have heard it said that ‘when you know, you know,’ so, even despite your young age, I will not doubt you, Podder,” Sirius said, looking at the tiny broomstick delicately settled in Harry’s hands.

“Huh?” Harry looked up at Sirius, and the confusion on his face was everything that Sirius had hoped for.

“Let’s get it,” Sirius clarified to the five-year-old. “Your very first broomstick.”

“I love it!” Harry exclaimed, louder now, back to his normal self, and ran over to the register holding the child-sized Shooting Star in his hands. It looked good with him, Sirius thought, like it belonged there.

Saturday arrived quickly, much to Harry’s delight, and they had awoken early for a morning trip to Diagon Alley. They stopped for breakfast first, a full English because it was the weekend and an indulgent spread was a rare luxury, before walking hand-in-hand — or rather Harry’s hand and a couple of Sirius’ fingers — into the Broom Shop. After much excitement, both Sirius and Harry settled on the Shooting Star Wish — _ Your Child’s Greatest Wish Come True! _

Sirius paid for the broomstick, but Harry refused to let him carry it out of the shop, and after promising he wouldn’t try to ride it until later, Sirius obliged. Gazes followed them around, as always happened whenever Harry was seen out amongst other wizards, but nobody approached them, which Sirius was grateful for. Thankfully, Harry was more focused on all the shops around him, which became more interesting the older he became, and he was particularly excited when they passed Ollivander’s, where and Sirius informed him that he would be getting his own wand in less than six years’ time. 

“Can we get ice cream before we go?” Harry asked, doing a double-take as they passed Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour, green eyes wider than normal. Sirius acquiesced immediately and they entered the shop.

“Are you getting some too, Dad?” Harry asked a couple of minutes later when he was handed a cone with two different kinds of chocolate flavors loaded on top, and rainbow sprinkles.

“Not today, Pod. It’s a little too early for me,” Sirius laughed as he paid and they headed out of the small shop that smelled of everything sweet and wonderful.

“Do you think that we could do this every day though?” Harry asked between sloppy licks.

“Get a new broomstick and eat mounds of chocolate ice cream?” Sirius paused for a moment in thought. “Probably not Harry, although that would be fun,” he eventually answered with a smile.

“Yeah, it would be fun but it would probably be irresponsible,” Harry commented back, and Sirius laughed again at Harry’s desire to please that always came through at the most random of times.

“Hello.”

Sirius looked over to his left at the sound of the familiar voice, and he saw Remus Lupin standing with his back against the brick wall outside of Fortescue’s. “I saw you two in there while I was walking by and thought I would say hi.”

“Hello,” Harry answered happy before he dragged his tongue along the top scoop of ice cream, completely unperturbed.

“Hi Remus,” Sirius said with a bit of surprise. But it wasn’t that much of a surprise, he supposed, to see him getting a jump start on his weekend at Diagon Alley, getting his errands out of the way early. “Uh, Harry, this is Professor Lupin—“

“Again, Remus is fine,” he corrected, sending a wave down to Harry and smiling in a way that crinkled his eyes.

“Remus,” Sirius eyed him with raised eyebrows. “He teaches at Hogwarts. He’ll probably even be your professor when you start there.”

“In six years?” Harry confirmed.

“That’s right, and he teaches about magical creatures. Like unicorns and dragons and hippogriffs and a bunch of other creatures you’ve never even heard of yet,” Sirius said.

“Really?” Harry looked up at Remus with wonder.

“Really,” Remus confirmed in a voice deep with significance, and Harry’s smile grew wider.

“And Remus, this is Harry,” Sirius offered.

“He’s my dad,” Harry supplied with another long lick, messier this time, as he gestured up at Sirius with his free hand.

“I know he is,” Remus responded matter-of-factly, with the same adult tone that he used to address Sirius, and for the second time that day, Harry looked mesmerized. “Is that your broomstick?” he asked with exaggerated interest, and Harry beamed with so much pride Sirius thought he might explode.

“Dad’s going to teach me how to ride it today,” the boy practically shouted.

“Wow, what a big day,” Remus remarked, as if he were quite impressed by it all, and Sirius was grateful for it. “Your dad is very talented on the broomstick, I’m sure you will have a lot of fun.”

Sirius laughed softly, rolling his eyes at the compliment. Sirius couldn’t even remember the last time he had been on a broom. “We’ve been looking forward to it for a while,” he said, scruffing Harry’s hair. He glanced back up at Remus. “Anyway, what brings you to Diagon Alley this Saturday morning?”

“Are you getting a broomstick too?” Harry cut in hopefully, before Remus could answer. “It’s my greatest wish come true,” Harry tacked on, and Sirius briefly considered getting the kid into advertising.

“Ah, I’m afraid it’s something much less exciting than that, Harry,” he said regretfully, “I’m heading to the Magical Menagerie to pick up some potions for one of my lessons this week.” He looked up at Sirius to explain further, “In case anything ever gets out of hand, which is never has. But I like to be safe.”

“You could get a puffskein or a cat or something and then it might be more exciting,” Harry offered, trying to be helpful, a gob of melted ice cream on his nose now.

Remus looked at Sirius first, who gave him a shrug as if that wasn’t a bad idea, before letting go a burst of laughter. “An excellent idea, but I’m afraid I cannot house anymore pets, even though I do love them all. I much prefer to admire them in their natural habitats anyway.”

“That’s kind,” Harry offered, and Sirius burst out laughing now.

“I’m sure Remus is glad to have your approval Harry, but we should probably be on our way. Mrs. Weasley is expecting us in ten minutes,” Sirius said, straightening out Harry’s shirt at the collar.

“Before you go,” Remus cut in softly, and Sirius glanced up again, “I was wondering if the two of you would like to attend the Gryffindor/Slytherin quidditch match next Saturday. I’d be happy to get you tickets, and I’m sure Harry would love to see a match in person.”

Sirius turned his gaze quickly down to Harry, whose eyes were wider than he had ever seen them, just as Sirius would have guessed. Harry had seemed to have completely forgotten about his ice cream for the next couple of seconds, evident by how much of it was now dripped down his hand unnoticed, and his wrist, and oh dear, his forearm was covered in it now too. 

“Well, I mean, I can’t exactly turn that down now,” Sirius laughed softly. “We’d love to, thank you, Remus.”

Remus nodded, and Harry exclaimed an enthusiastic thank you. “I’ll owl you the tickets this week,” Remus said to Sirius before crouching down to Harry’s level. “It was nice to meet you, Harry. Enjoy your new broomstick — I can’t wait to see you flying around the quidditch pitch on it one day.”

“It was nice to meet you, sir. Thank you,” Harry articulated nicely, properly, in stark contrast to his current presentation. Sirius felt his heart grow a size larger and when he looked back at Remus, and he was met with a soft smile.

“Bye Remus, I suppose we will talk soon,” Sirius nodded at Remus once more as soon as he stood upright fully again. 

“Have fun,” Remus said in parting with a wave, and he walked past the two of them, likely headed now to the Magical Menagerie. 

Harry had finished what was left of his ice cream, and Sirius used a quick spell to clean him up. As funny as he found a sticky chocolate-covered Harry to be, he didn’t think it good form when entering somebody else’s home. The two of them made their way over to the Leaky Cauldron and used one of the floo channels to enter the Burrow, where Molly had offered for Harry to have his first flying lesson.

They had quite the audience when they got to the Weasley’s, which felt a bit overwhelming to Sirius, but Harry seemed to enjoy the attention. He certainly wasn’t nervous under pressure, Sirius noted, a future quidditch player for sure. Perhaps a seeker. Molly had a gorgeous spread of food prepared for the occasion, a roast and meat pies and five different kinds of biscuits, and Sirius felt a surge of affection at the novelty of it all.

“Okay, Harry, it’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it, which I think that you will. Quickly too,” Sirius explained, double-checking that Harry’s shoes were laced up tightly.

“I know Dad, I’ve been riding my other one since I was a baby,” Harry tried to grab the small broomstick from where it was tucked under his arm, but Sirius stood up just then and held it higher, even further out of his reach now.

“That’s true,” Sirius nodded, and kept his voice even to keep Harry’s attention, Wish still high up in the air, “but this one is different. It can fly higher and it requires more of your control. So you have to be alert whenever you’re on it, okay? And you absolutely may not ride it when I am not around, under any circumstances, _ ever_. Understood?”

“Uh huh,” Harry answered, not evoking much confidence out of Sirius, with his eyes still trained up high and looking a little glazed over. 

“Tell me,” Sirius said.

Harry turned his head to look at Sirius now, “I won’t ride it when you aren’t around,” he promised.

“Okay,” Sirius nodded and handed the Wish down to Harry. He reached down to the ground to pick up his own, then began instructing Harry on how to mount the broomstick properly, where to put his weight, and how to push off.

They spent an hour out there, and Harry took to it right away, a complete natural, which wasn’t surprising at all considering how easily flying had always been for James. Sirius wasn’t sure that he had smiled more in his life while flying around with Harry, watching the joy on his face as he climbed higher and higher, learned how to swoop and swerve, his hair flying wildly in the wind the entire time and his face full of focus. There was a moment when Harry looked a little bit out of out control as his broomstick zoomed off away from the burrow, but Sirius was able to catch up to him quickly, and by the time he did, Harry had already regained control all on his own.

“This is brilliant!” Harry squeaked after they hit the ground for the first time in an hour. He stumbled as he tried to dismount from the broom and ended up just falling a meter to the ground instead. 

“You okay there, Pods?” Sirius couldn’t help but laugh as the five-year-old fished his glasses out of the grass and smashed them back into his face.

“I wish I could _ live _on my broomstick,” Harry answered, and Sirius took that to mean, yes, he was just fine.

“We’ll go back after we eat some of that food that Mrs. Weasley prepared, okay? It is good to take breaks sometimes,” Sirius explained.

“Okay, Dad,” Harry agreed, and Sirius grabbed both of their broomsticks off the ground, and they began to make their way back to the house.

Their walk was interrupted, however, when a translucent silver dolphin came gliding through the sky in Sirius’ direction, and Sirius recognized it immediately as Adolphus’ patronus. His heart sank. He knew that if Adolphus was sending for him on a weekend then it must be something urgent. And urgent happenings in a hospital usually weren’t good.

“Harry go ahead inside without me, this won’t take long,” Sirius said as he squeezed Harry’s shoulder. Harry went on his way and the dolphin made its way closer.

“Sirius,” the dolphin spoke in Adolphus’ deep voice, “please come into St. Mungo’s, our patient has experienced a complication and we need to discuss as soon as possible. I will be in my office.”

Sirius took a deep breath and wondered how bad it was. It was a rare occasion that he was pulled into the hospital on a weekend, Adolphus was particularly respectful of his time with Harry, so it wasn’t a bother. He was just worried about the information he would learn when he got there.

“Molly, Adolphus called me in,” Sirius sighed as he entered the house, finding Molly setting the table and Harry talking to Ron and the twins excitedly about everything that had just transpired. “I’m so sorry—“

“It’s fine,” Molly waved off the apology with a tsk for good measure. “Just head back here when you’re done to grab Harry and we’ll have dinner ready for you.”

“Do you know how amazing you are,” Sirius mused in relief, and he meant it. “Amazing and nurturing and gorgeous—“

“Sirius,” Molly said with faux shock, “what would Arthur say?”

“I’m pretty sure he would appreciate that somebody else is grateful for everything that you do,” Sirius laughed as he went over to let Harry know where he was going. “His wife, the mother of his twelve children—”

“Just seven unless there are five more I don’t know about—”

“—deserves to be worshipped for the goddess that she is.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll make sure to tell him that tonight,” Molly laughed. “Now get out of here.”

Sirius laughed, said a quick goodbye to Harry, who was far too busy exaggerating how high he had just flown to a completely mesmerized Ronald Weasley, and flooed over to Adolphus’ office at St. Mungo’s.

“That was quick,” Adolphus looked up from his desk as Sirius appeared from the fireplace.

“Well, of course it was, you called me in,” Sirius laughed lightly, brushing himself off.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything?” Adolphus said, voice laced with apology.

“Good timing actually, I had just finished my first flying lesson with Harry. He got his first broomstick today,” Sirius explained, walking over.

“Big day!” Adolphus sounded impressed and Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at the kindness of it. “Well, I’ll try to make this quick so you can get back to that.”

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked apprehensively as he took a seat in the chair across from Adolphus’ desk.

Adolphus exhaled slowly, lowered his head a bit, and gazed up at Sirius. “Emerson Barnes passed away about 30 minutes ago.”

“What?” Sirius asked, his eyes wide and his jaw feeling more slack than it had a second earlier. “But I thought he was improving...”

Adolphus nodded and his eyes looked somewhat distant, as they often did when he was reporting information about a patient’s condition. “The wound was closing, yes, but the infection, or whatever it is, we still aren’t quite sure, spread into his bloodstream. We called some healers from the fourth floor to take a look, thinking they would have some idea of how to stop it. But they were perplexed as well. Barnes went into septic shock and… well, it happened quickly. I called for you right after it happened.”

“Fuck,” Sirius brought a hand up to apply heavy pressure to his temple. He rested his elbows on the desk and let his head droop lower. He was silent for a while. Adolphus was silent as well. “You all think it may be from some sort of spell as well then?”

“Based on what you found out from Professor Lupin, the international healers we have talked to, and the basic understanding of dark magic that we both have,” Adolphus replied, “it seems like the highest likelihood.”

“I don’t know what to say,” he muttered with exhaustion, exhaling loudly before continuing his thought, “I feel like I totally failed here.”

“We don’t know that,” Adolphus corrected him. “Maybe we did fail, but we still don’t know the story behind it. It’s still too early to say. We don’t know if it was something that we could have cured even if we had all of the information.” Adolphus sighed, “We both know it looks like dark magic now. Not our area of expertise, particularly when new forms can be created and unleashed into the world without our community knowing anything about it. Who knows if it could even have been stopped. Not everything can.”

“No,” Sirius said, that was true. “I’ll be glad when it’s over. When we have more answers, no matter what we find out. But it’s daunting to think of it being dark magic. I thought this was behind us.” 

“The implications of it all could be very unfortunate. But perhaps with some deeper investigation, this could reveal something important to the wizarding community as a whole. It could be significant. Which is why I think we keep the case open, despite his death.”

“I agree,” Sirius nodded, “Knowledge is better than ignorance, no matter how scary it may be. I suppose we stand up straight with our shoulders back and meet the problem head on.” 

“That’s right,” Adolphus chuckled softly. “You’re a good healer, Sirius. Don’t doubt that about yourself. Sometimes things are just out of our hands.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh, but it was a sad one, “Sometimes it seems like magic can fix everything. And then when you’re reminded that it can’t… well, it’s an odd feeling that we aren’t invincible. And it’s especially strange because I thought I already knew that. I _ did _already know that. But it’s still a smack in the face.”

“It still happens to me,” Adolphus offered as he sat back more comfortably in his chair now, “and I’ve been doing this for about 30 years longer than you have. We do such a great job of healing the problems we know how to heal. And when a rare case comes in that shows us something new, we usually adapt quickly and mistakes don’t ever happen twice. But eventually a patient will come in with something we haven’t seen before.” Adolphus waited for Sirius to look back over at him before continuing, “Magic is constantly evolving. It’s constantly being created, and changed, and morphed into things that aren’t recognizable at first. And above all else, magic is powerful. So when it is inherently dangerous and we don’t know how to deal with it, there usually isn’t a happy ending.”

Sirius’ brow furrowed. “You’ve experienced something similar to this before?”

“Only a couple of times, but yes,” he admitted softly, “And I’m sure you’ll go through this again, too, but you will learn how to cope with it better the next time around. It’s the nature of our career.”

Sirius exhaled a long breath of air. It was a lot to take in, but it would have been ridiculous to think that death didn’t come along with being a healer. “So what now?”

“Now, we run some tests. I think consulting with somebody deeply familiar with the effects of dark magic is a good place to start,” he said.

“Dumbledore?” Sirius asked, because that was the obvious answer in his mind.

Adolphus nodded, “I think he would be preferable over anybody from the Ministry, if we can get him to oblige.”

“He will,” Sirius confirmed. “And what about the privacy considerations?” he asked, unsure of what exactly that would entail. 

“I will take care of that. We will need next of kin permission, but his family has been easy to communicate with thus far, I can’t see it being an issue. They are equally disturbed by the sudden turn of events. It’s moreso the herbalogist that I’m worried about, but she has no legal standing as far as I know,” Adolphus explained.

“Good, good,” Sirius nodded.

“It can wait until the week starts, though, I just wanted to bring you in here to tell you the news in person,” he added, “Go back to Harry, enjoy the rest of your weekend and we’ll figure it out on Monday.”

“You’re sure?” Sirius asked with a little bit of surprise. He had expected this to go far longer than it had. If he left now, he’d be able to take Harry up on the broomstick at least two more times before it began to get dark.

“Completely,” Adolphus answered easily as he stood up. Sirius followed his lead and stood up as well, making his way back to the fireplace from which he had entered.

“Let me know if anything changes?” Sirius asked.

“We’ll figure it out on Monday,” Adolphus repeated, more pointedly this time, before briskly walking out his door and leaving Sirius to floo back to his son.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time that Saturday rolled around, Sirius was more than ready for the distraction of a quidditch match at Hogwarts, even with the risk of sadness that being back could trigger. It was another cold day, hopefully one of the last as they were about to enter Spring, but the skies were clear and the conditions were great. 

Sirius pulled out his old Gryffindor robes, for the first time since he had graduated, and any other burgundy apparel that he could find in the flat. He found a scarf and a hat, deemed that good enough, and went to see what he could find for Harry in his closet. 

“Do I look like a quidditch player?” Harry asked after he pulled the burgundy sweater that Mrs. Weasley had knitted for him last Christmas over his head, his glasses crooked now and his hair an absolute mess. There was a golden G knitted into the front, and Sirius made a mental note to thank Molly the next time he saw her for somehow always knowing what Harry needed before it even crossed Sirius’ mind.

“Not quite,” Sirius laughed, thinking that quidditch robes would be a good gift for Harry for his next birthday. “But you do look like a Gryffindor.”

Harry smiled, decided that was good enough for him, and rummaged through his drawers for the matching striped burgundy and gold hat that someone had sent him for his birthday last year, Sirius couldn’t quite remember who.

“Perfect, let’s grab your coat and then we can floo over to Hogsmeade. Maybe we’ll grab dinner there after the match ends, depending on how long it goes,” Sirius commented as he grabbed Harry’s coat out of the closer next to the front door. “Are you excited to see Hogwarts for the first time?”

“Ron says it’s huge.”

“It’s very big, yes. And one day you will know your way all around it, secret passageways and all.” 

“Secret passageways?” Harry’s eyes grew twice as large.

“Yep,” the word popped out of Sirius’ mouth and he absolutely basked in Harry’s excitement. “Your other dad and I learned them all when we were there.”

“For me?” Harry asked with utter disbelief.

“Yes,” Sirius laughed as he pulled the hat over his head, tucking away the loose tendrils of hair that had fallen in front of his face, “we learned them all just for you. I’ll tell you all about it once you’re there. You ready to go?” he asked as he grabbed a handful of floo powder. Harry nodded and stood right next to him.

They flooed over to one of the inns in Hogsmeade, and the walk to Hogwarts was a fun one with Harry finding any and everything absolutely awe-inspiring. Even something as mundane and common as the path from Hogsmeade was magical to Harry, and Sirius felt himself feel the magic of it all himself through Harry’s eyes. It was such a great idea, Sirius thought, bringing him to Hogwarts for a quidditch match, and he felt a little guilty for being so apprehensive about it for so long now.

The quidditch pitch was packed full of students, and damn they looked young. Did he and James really look that young when they had been there? It certainly hadn’t felt like that. But that was just a part of getting older, Sirius supposed. 

Sirius held Harry’s had as they made their way through the crowd and up to their seats to make sure that they didn’t get separated. Their seats were incredible, much better than he had ever had when he was a student and he, James, and Peter would watch the other houses play. They were located near the top, in one of the faculty sections which offered far more comfort and legroom than the bleachers. Apparently being acquainted with a professor had it’s perks.

“Oh, hello,” Sirius said with surprise when he found Dumbledore, Remus, and a couple of other familiar professors seated near them. It was quieter up here, probably a noise-control charm, which made it possible to hold a conversation while having a great view of the match all at once.

“Hello, Mr. Black,” a feminine voice that he would never forget caused him to whip his head to the far left.

“That’s _ Healer _ Black now, Minnie,” he said with utter delight, realizing that it was something he had been waiting years to say without ever thinking about it at all. “Have some respect would you?”

She yelped a high-pitched laugh and Sirius couldn’t suppress the smile on his face. “And here he is, Harry Potter,” she answered, predictably ignoring the complete nonsense that Sirius had spoken only seconds earlier. “Would you like to sit by me, Harry?” she asked, and Harry looked up to Sirius for some explanation.

“That’s Professor McGonagall, she’s _ very _knowledgeable about quidditch. She’ll probably tell you about everyone who is playing out there if you sit next to her.”

“Okay,” Harry smiled, and, always the friendly kid, lopped over to the empty seat next to Minerva.

“Hello Albus,” he nodded to the headmaster. “And Remus. Thank you for the tickets. He is very excited.”

“I’m glad you could make it,” Remus answered lightly, and his eyes were focused straight ahead now as the players began to make their entrances onto the pitch. Sirius sat down near them, staggered a bit in one of the empty seats in front of them, and watched as the players zoomed around on their broomsticks, crimson and dark green moving swiftly through the air.

Sirius couldn’t conceal his smile while Harry watched the game. It was all a perfect setting, chilly but with the sun shining, great seats in the upper deck thanks to Remus, and Gryffindor playing Slytherin, which would always be the best match-up of the year. The players moved faster now than they had when Sirius had played nearly 10 years ago, newer broomsticks and all of that, and he was surprised to find that he was mesmerized by it all, just like Harry was.

Sirius had worried that this would bring back too many memories. But it didn’t, not while was Harry there with him, not with the thrill of watching it through his eyes. Nostalgia for the past had turned into excitement for the future. For Harry’s future. And even for his by proxy. And he supposed that was the beauty of parenthood, of loving a child more than one’s self. New eyes. New hope. New purpose.

Two quick hours into the game found Gryffindor ahead by 20 points, Harry standing on his seat with a lion hat that Minerva had transfigured from the beanie on top of his head, and Sirius engaging in intermittent conversations with Remus and Albus between whatever exciting play caught their attention on the pitch, and there were many. 

“Have Hogwarts quidditch players always been this… this _ skilled_?” Sirius turned around to ask Remus as the Slythern chaser took a deep dive to avoid the bludger that had been hit precisely in his direction, just a second in time, and just after throwing the quaffle though the left hoop to score. It couldn’t have been more perfectly orchestrated. 

“The new technology helps,” Remus leaned forward to answer. “But yes, I think you were.”

“No way,” Sirius shook his head with a snort. Remus laughed and Sirius shivered when he felt it against his neck. 

“By the way,” Remus continued, and although Sirius was looking straight ahead, he knew the other man was smiling, “I’m going to grab a drink at the Hog’s Head when the match is over. You should join. We could reminisce about Hogwarts, or quidditch, or whatever.”

“Ah, well you know I have Harry-”

“Minerva?” Remus cut him off and turned towards Minerva, his voice more proper than it had been with Sirius. “Would you be open to showing Harry around the castle while Sirius and I grab a drink after the match ends? That recent patient of his, you know, still a bit of a mystery.”

“I’d be delighted,” Minerva answered easily as she flicked her wand and the lion on Harry’s head roared loudly. He shrieked with joy and wow this was the happiest little boy in the world. 

“Are you just going to do that every time you want something? Use Harry against me?”

Remus hummed and answered with a decided, “Nope. I assume that would get annoying after a couple of times. Nobody likes a manipulator.”

“How astute of you.”

“Very,” Remus agreed. “I’m just using it now to prod you out of your shell. But I’m hoping I won’t need to do that anymore anyway.”

“Ah, turtle metaphors now?” Sirius asked, choosing to focus on that. Remus just laughed and leaned back into his seat as the Slytherin seeker dodged a particularly nasty bludger and zoomed up higher into the sky. And that was that, apparently the Hog’s Head was his next destination.

The match wrapped up shortly after, with the Gryffindor seeker catching the snitch before being knocked off her broom by a bludger a moment later. Thankfully she had been close to the ground when it happened, and stood up a moment later with her arms stretched high in victory, the entire scene extremely dramatic. All in all, Sirius thought it was a bloody brilliant match for Harry to see in person for the first time. 

The crowd roared loudly, in perfect coordination with the lion on top of Harry’s head, and cheers of Gryffindor filled the stadium. Harry screamed in synchronization with it all, the excitement too wonderful to pass up. As the stands began to clear out, Minerva and Sirius coordinated that she and Harry would meet him back in Hogsmeade as soon as Sirius sent word via his patronus. And as she led him away, Harry’s excitement was at such a high level that he didn’t even remember to hug Sirius goodbye.

“I don’t even exist anymore,” Sirius laughed as Harry skipped away. For a brief moment, Sirius worried for Minerva. 

“She can handle it,” Remus responded, reading Sirius’ thoughts accurately. “She handled you, remember?”

“Oh, do I?” Sirius opined. “Best memories of my life belong to that woman right there.” 

Remus snorted and he began walking back in the direction of Hogsmeade, “You coming?”

“Yep.” Sirius followed Remus, and a moment later they were walking step in step, the route to Hogsmeade hauntingly familiar, but the company not so much.

“So, I think that whole thing was a success,” Remus observed after they had walked in silence for a while. 

Sirius shoved his hands into his pockets. It was getting colder now as the sun went down. “I fear he’s going to be begging to come back for every game now.”

Remus laughed. “It was rather perfect, wasn’t it? I’m glad he could see Gryffindor win, I would have felt a bit guilty to have dragged the two of you here to have him leave in disappointment.”

“He would have survived,” Sirius assured him. “He’s quite good at that, actually. Surviving.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Remus answered, his head turning to look at Sirius with a knowing smile. Sirius caught it for a moment, but then turned his gaze turned back to the path in front of him and a comfortable silence fell between the two of them. 

They reached Hogsmeade in about ten more minutes, conversation remaining sporadic and light, and Remus led them straight to the Hog’s Head. The pub was dingy and dirty and dark, just as he had always remembered, and it felt wonderful that it hadn’t changed at all. It was pretty crowded, as it probably always was after a quidditch game, but it wasn’t loud, not like the Three Broomsticks would be. And that was wonderful to Sirius as well. 

“I want to make it clear that I did not invite you hear to talk about the case you’re working on. However, I am curious to how it has been going since I last saw you,” Remus started, as they took two available seats at the bar, his voice easygoing and everything about him approachable. The bartender came by and took their drink orders. A beer for Remus and firewhiskey for Sirius that appeared not but a minute later. “Especially since the news came out, I hope you don’t mind me saying. The _ Daily Prophet _ made provided a graphic enough description of what happened to Barnes, so I was able to put two-and-two together.” 

“It’s going,” Sirius supplied as he swiveled his body a bit to face Remus. He took the first drink of the whiskey and shivered as it burned through his entire body. He found the sensation, the shock of it, much needed. It was nice like this, more casual this time, no formal honeydew robes and no giant tortoise to chew on them while they spoke. Just the two of them, some alcohol, and a crowded bar. “I’m a bit unclear about what exactly I can tell you, and I can neither confirm or deny the patient’s identify at this point…” Sirius gave him a pointed look, as if the words were just for propriety, which they were— 

“Right, I’m merely referring to those anonymous pictures of the thigh wound that you showed me a week and a half ago, and Emerson Barnes has nothing to do with it at all,” Remus cut in innocently. 

“Uh huh,” Sirius rolled his eyes and took another swig of whiskey, “but yes, he did pass away.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus supplied, “that must be a horrible part of your job.”

“It is…” Sirius sighed, wondering how much he should go into it with Remus. He decided to stick to the facts instead and moved the topic back to the specifics, “but once we checked our ‘premises’, thanks to your recommendation, everything became a lot more clear in regards to how we are going to move forward now, after the patient’s death.” 

“I’m glad to hear I could help some way, even if I couldn’t help to save his life.” 

“Hopefully you will help save more people’s lives though, by helping us solve whatever caused that infection go into his bloodstream. Because you did help us. We’ve made progress over the past week.”

“So Southeast Asia has been completely ruled out now?”

“Completely,” Sirius confirmed easily, and he was glad they had started out with this topic of conversation. He could talk about work on autopilot, especially with somebody who already had such a thorough understanding of his specialty. “It was such a small tweak, so obvious, but we were in our own bubble with no clue that were… well, in the wrong bubble. I wonder where we would be without your suggestion. Perhaps in an Asian rainforest looking for some new creature that doesn’t actually exist,” Sirius mused lightly. 

“You just needed a new set of eyes, sometimes it’s as simple as that, somebody who isn’t wrapped up in the complexity of it all,” 

“Exactly. And thank you again.” 

Remus hummed and his mouth crooked up on the right side in a smile that made him look more boyish, more like the Remus Lupin that Sirius could vaguely remember from Hogwarts. “So what else have you figured out about that mysterious case of yours?”

Sirius laughed through his nose. He supposed he could understand why the other man found it interesting given his line of work. “Eastern Europe.”

“Ah, that makes a lot of sense actually. How do you know?”

“You saw the bite mark, and you didn’t recognize it either, did you?”

“No,” Remus shook his head. “Must not be very common in the areas I have studied.”

“It wasn’t a magical creature, just some kind of wild animal native to eastern Europe. However, the infection that set in? The dark pigmentation and thickening of his skin that was spreading? That is what is magical, that’s what set off the sensors in our original diagnosis spells. We have come to the conclusion that the infection and the wound are separate issues all together and we only picked up on the magic because of whatever, I don’t know what it is exactly, _ entered _ into his body through the bite wound.”

Remus furrowed his brows, but with something that resembled excitement lining his face, as if this were some sort of roller coaster and he was enjoying that he’d been brought along for the ride. “But why would the woman he was traveling with lie?” he asked, but it was less of an actual question and more of an excited prod to Sirius, he sensed, to get him talking about a topic that Remus was dying to give his opinion about.

“It’s the fucking mystery of year,” Sirius snorted as he tipped his head back for another twig of his firewhiskey. “Why does anyone ever lie?”

“Usually because they are hiding something,” Remus supplied happily, and it reminded Sirius of how Harry looked before some sort of mischief ensued. “But the real question is, why would she lie _ to a healer?_ A healer, whose sole job isn’t to ask questions into the moral or legal nature of her activities, but to save the life and health of a friend. A healer, who has taken a magically-bound oath of privacy about the identity and the details of his patients unless very extreme and specific exceptions arise.” Remus raised his eyebrows, and it almost looked like a challenge to Sirius. “The two of them are hiding something if she valued the secrecy of their location above the increased chance of recovery of your patient, whoever he or she may be. And the truth is something you probably would have thought nothing of had it just been provided when the patient was admitted.” 

Sirius laughed softly, the enthusiasm coming from the man next to him undeniably endearing. “I’ve thought about this too, honestly. If I weren’t so well-trained in legilimency I’d be worried you’d spent some uninvited time in my head during our interactions.” He took another drink to collect his thoughts. “It could be a stupid lie to cover up something embarrassing, a marital affair perhaps, I can’t think of much else besides that. But then again, my mind goes other places as well, I have to admit. I guess that the war has made me paranoid about most people, particularly when they actively try to conceal something.”

“It’s worth thinking about though, isn’t it? Just in case?”

Sirius sighed, “Perhaps. It can be difficult for me to consider that sort of thing though — whether it could possibly be related to _ that_. Makes me feel a little crazy, obsessive. It’s odd to remember that although the war that was very real to me and my friends, much of the wizarding world did not experience it, many just outright denied that it happened at all. It was real, I know that for sure, I feel it every day. But it’s over now isn’t it? I’m not just reverting back to my mindset from four years ago?”

“Dumbledore doesn’t seem to think so,” Remus chimed in, as if it were the most casual thing in the world, and Sirius whipped his head around at the comment. Confused. What did Remus Lupin know about the war, anyway? Since when was he in Dumbledore’s precious inner-circle? Sirius stared at him, wide-eyed, and Remus continued on, just as nonchalant as before, “You’re not though, crazy or obsessive. I would believe your instincts are more trustworthy than most, particularly because of your history with it all.”

“Why do you do that?” Sirius went with, filing that comment about Dumbledore away until later.

“Do what?” Remus’ eyes sparkled, because he already knew.

“Act like you know me,” Sirius answered, his voice firmer now, more on guard. More normal now. But Remus smiled wider because Sirius was answering just how he wanted, apparently. Sirius felt as though he were following along a script that Remus had written for the two of them long ago.

“Because I do,” Remus shrugged simply. It was annoying.

“We shared some classes at Hogwarts, Remus, that certainly doesn’t mean that you know me.”

“I know.” 

“Where did you get that scar on your face?” Sirius threw out, hoping to catch Remus off guard this time.

“A werewolf,” Remus took another drink, his face unchanged. It hadn’t worked.

“Fuck,” Sirius muttered and his stomach sank a bit.

Remus hummed in agreement, and Sirius was relieved to see that there was a look of bemusement on the other man’s face. And Sirius realized he was still following along with that script of his, as hard as he tried not to. “What else would you like to know?” Remus asked.

“Pardon?” Sirius sighed, mentally exhausted now.

“You agreed to have drinks with me. I did use Harry against you to get you here, of course, but you still could have said no. You must be at least a little bit curious about me.” 

“Um, alright,” Sirius racked his brain for any subject he could grasp onto, anything he already knew about Remus to expand on. “Are you and Adalia still together?” he asked casually.

Remus’ eyes brightened, as if Sirius had just told the greatest joke of his life, and Sirius was confused yet again. “Adalia Scales?”

“Yeah…”

“Are we still ‘together’?” Remus repeated incredulously, ridiculously. At least the question had phased him in some way.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Sirius asked, but with some laughter in his voice at the bizarreness of it all.

“I’m gay, Sirius,” Remus stated matter-of-factly, his eye contact direct.

“What?” Sirius felt his eyebrows furrow, caught off guard yet again. 

“Always have been.”

“Really?” Sirius asked in disbelief. The thought had never crossed his mind.

“Really,” Remus confirmed.

“Always?”

“I had a crush on Dumbledore when I came to Hogwarts,” Remus supplied the moment Sirius began to take a drink.

“Thanks unfortunate,” Sirius choked, a drop of whiskey rolling down his chin now.

“Yes,” Remus drawled in thought, as if he had mulled it over and then ultimately agreed with the sentiment. “Although I must inform you that my tastes have quite improved since then.”

Sirius coughed, nearly spitting out his firewhiskey for the second time in 20 seconds, “That’s good. Yeah, er, congratulations.”

“My god, you’re awkward,” Remus commented, pleased with it all. 

“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say?” Sirius managed to assert as he wiped his face with a napkin, hoping that perhaps it would make him disappear.

“I think you like me though. You look at me as if you like me, like I make you nervous,” Remus picked up his beer and tipped his head back slightly as he raised it up to his lips, taking a drink slowing and then looking back at Sirius as he set it back down, “which is rather wonderful because when we were 16, you made _ me _very nervous.”

Sirius blinked. He had no idea what was going on. “What creatures are you teaching about this week then?” he asked, desperately, hoping that the other man would throw him some sort of bone.

“Thestrals this week, for the older students,” Remus answered charitably. And then, “I think you’d like to kiss me,” Remus blinked back. 

“This is absurd, I’ve never been so confused in my life,” Sirius shook his head, cleansing it or something, and then looked back at Remus, more grounded now. “I love thestrals though. Spooky creatures if you scare easily, but they are rather brilliant aren’t they?” Remus hummed in agreement, his complete ease with the conversation almost making Sirius see the humor in it all. Almost. “Are you taking your classes into the forest?”

“I am, not too far in, of course, but enough to scare them a little.”

“Bloody love that forest, scary as all hell, but exhilarating with someone who knows the way.”

“I know the way.” Remus said simply. And was it a suggestion? Sirius felt lost. “I have a lot of friends in there,”

“Is Lunchbucket a big name in the forest?” Sirius asked mockingly, his discomfort showing in spades. “Befriend him and suddenly the centaurs are happy to see you crossing into their land?”

“Not quite,” Remus laughed, and then Sirius laughed too. “Now I wouldn’t just venture in there without my guard up, of course. But I think I have a pretty strong grasp of the areas that are safe for me to be in and the areas to avoid.” Remus leaned forward minutely, but Sirius noticed. “Would you like me to take you in there? I would like to take you in there.”

“Oh, uh, I can’t,” Sirius fumbled. “I have to pick up Harry soon.” 

“No, not tonight. Maybe next Friday night, when you don’t have to be at work early the next morning. That’s when all the fantastic stuff happens, you know. After it gets dark.”

Sirius hesitated, and the idea that he was too old for this flashed through his mind. “I shouldn’t—“

“Molly will watch Harry, he would love a sleepover with Ron anyway.”

“How do you do that?” Remus raised his eyebrows and took another sip of his beer as Sirius elaborated, “Just act like you know about my life?”

Because, Sirius,” Remus enunciated slowly, “I do. So why would I play coy and tiptoe around acting like I don’t?”

Sirius sighed and he looked away from the other man, taking in their surroundings. There were a lot of people at the Hog’s Head that night, and if he wanted to take the time to observe them, he would likely notice that he was acquainted with many. But he didn’t want to, interacting with the wizarding community was exhausting, always full of loaded topics involving James and Lily and Harry with people who didn’t really care all that much to begin with and were constantly walking on eggshells with every word they uttered to him. So maybe it was nice, having Remus here, not ‘tiptoeing’ around, as he called it, and just treating it all as if it wasn’t crazy and Sirius wasn’t fragile either. 

“I don’t know,” Sirius shook his head and leaned his forearms on the bar in front of him. “You’re right.” 

“I want to kiss you too, you know?” Remus added casually, as if he had just made a comment on the weather. Sirius groaned — in confusion? In frustration? In anticipation? He wasn’t sure — and raked his hands through his hair, letting his head fall and his eyes close. Remus laughed at his discomfort. “I just don’t see the point!”

“The point of what?” Sirius clarified, his voice tentative.

“Sirius,” there he went with his name again, and Sirius had to admit, it sounded particularly nice with that deep tone of his. It was more sincere this time. “I just don’t see the point of surviving a war — being one of the lucky ones to survive — and not going forward as anything but totally honest about the things that I want.”

Sirius snorted, “What do you know about the war?”

Remus walked his fingers along the bar, and he made a sound, far more patient than what Sirius’ question had warranted, and it led Sirius to believe that it was exactly the reaction that Remus had expected all along. Again. Remus waited a beat. And then another. And then he responded, with the most serious tone that Sirius had ever heard from him. “Just because you aren’t aware of certain… _ things, _ certain _ happenings, _doesn’t mean that they didn’t take place. You’re not the only one who was fighting—“

“I knew _ everyone _who was fighting—”

“Sirius,” Fuck his voice was nice. There was no denying it. “I can promise you that you did not.” Sirius heard a burst of laughter from the table to his left, and Remus paused for a moment to let it die out. “And I can also promise you that you are not the only one who lost somebody that you loved.”

Sirius’ eyes opened, moved to the side, and landed on Remus. He took the other man in — he managed to maintain a commanding presence all while appearing equally laid back, it was a good balance, approachable but not to be fucked with. There was an undeniable authority behind the friendly demeanor. No wonder he was so good with animals and magical creatures and maybe even Sirius Black too. 

“I get lost in it sometimes,” Sirius’ voice broke, but only subtly, although he was sure that Remus must have noticed and then felt some sort of victory at it, the bastard. “What I lost. Who I was back then. Everything that has changed since. And other times I get lost in the good things — well, in Harry, who is the _ best _thing — and I tend to forget that there’s the rest of the world out there, dealing with their own things.” Sirius met Remus’ eyes now. “Their own losses. And I’m sorry about yours, whoever it was.”

“Thank you,” Remus answered sincerely, and before Sirius could ask, he answered. “Benjy Fenwick, I believe the two of you were acquainted.”

“You knew Benjy?” Sirius felt his brows furrow, wondering how he had never been better acquainted with Remus before now.

“He was my boyfriend,” Remus said and Sirius exhaled loudly because, yeah, he wasn’t the only one who had been hurting for the last four years. “My ex-boyfriend,” he clarified, “we had broken up about six months before, but it wasn’t nasty. I think we still loved each other in many ways.”

“Benjy was a great guy,” Sirius offered quietly.

“He was. Deserved better than what happened to him. That alone broke my heart.” 

Sirius huffed out a miserable laugh, “I can relate.”

“Yes. I know.” Remus said poignantly, as if Sirius had finally found the point. 

Sirius took a long drink of the firewhiskey, finishing it, and set his glass down on the bar. When the bartender nodded at him about a refill, he shook his head no. They both sat there in silence and Sirius enjoyed the ease of it, sitting quietly in a crowded room full of loud conversations, feeling that the stillness between the two of them held more weight than any words ever could. Sirius didn’t have to look at Remus to know that his gaze was still set on him, sure and unabashed as always. And there was something about it that made Sirius realize that all of the interactions he had come to know after the war were from people who didn’t really know him at all. Maybe they used to know him — maybe they even assumed that they still did — but they didn’t know him anymore. And it had become so normal that it took this moment for him to have the epiphany that normal did not necessarily mean right.

“So Friday night then?”

“Yeah,” Sirius responded hoarsely. “Yeah, Friday night sounds good.”


	6. Chapter 6

Friday night found Sirius with another week of work behind him and a late night journey into the Forbidden Forest in front of him. What an odd turn of events, he thought as he returned back to his flat from work and prepared to head over to Hogwarts to meet Remus. 

He changed out of his lime green robes and dressed for a night outside in the chilly not-quite-Spring weather, including a sweater, his Gryffindor winter cloak, and an underlayer he had charmed to keep his base temperature at a certain level. He ate some leftovers from the fridge, and when he was ready to go, he pulled out the floo address for Remus’ apartment that Remus had owled over him earlier that week.

“Remus?” Sirius asked with hesitance as he stepped out of the fireplace and into an unfamiliar living room that _ should _ have been Remus’, but the man was nowhere in sight. His eyes traveled around the room, however, taking in whatever he could. A chess set on the table in the corner of the room — it looked worn, even from where Sirius stood, and Sirius assumed that it must hold some sentimental value — a dark brown leather sofa situated against the wall, a large bookcase next to it full of books and various trinkets of all sorts, and Sirius found that he wanted to go take a closer look at it all.

The bulk of the trinkets were little figurines that Sirius recognized as magical creatures from around the world. A kappa, crouched down and eyeing Sirius suspiciously; a Swedish Short-Snout, roaring at him menacingly; a murlap, and Sirius looked away quickly because he’d rather continue to live his life pretending as if water-rats did not exist; a mountain troll waving his bat threateningly as Sirius looked down at him. It was cute actually. 

“Oh, hello,” Sirius nearly jumped when Remus appeared from his left, hair wet, wearing only a fitted t-shirt with his boxers. “Sorry that I’m running a little bit late,” he continued, unfazed, the polar opposite of Sirius. Just as it always seemed to be between them. “My lesson with streelers got a little bit messy and a shower was much-needed.”

“That’s no problem,” Sirius practically coughed as he felt his eyes subconsciously steer themselves back to observing Remus’ living quarters as he thought about how grateful he was that he didn’t have to encounter streeler slime in the course of his working hours. Now the griffin on the bookshelf was flapping its wings and it looked so real that Sirius was sure it would be buzzing around the room soon. He looked back at Remus and saw that he was walking back out of the room and into the hallway he had come from.

“Do you like living at Hogwarts?” Sirius asked without much feeling. “Or does it get a bit redundant, living where you work?”

“Oh, it can certainly get redundant,” Remus answered, his voice further away now, and Sirius assumed he was getting more appropriately dressed for their impending trip into the forest. “But I keep it exciting on weekends, make myself leave the grounds so that I don’t start to feel like a student all over again. It’s just an easy floo out of here and then I can apparate wherever I want for the rest of the weekend.” 

“Right, that seems like a smart routine,” Sirius muttered nonsensically because it seemed like an appropriate response. Remus didn’t respond, but reappeared in the living room a moment later, dressed similarly to Sirius now and hair completely dry.

“You ready to go?”

“Sure,” Sirius answered and he opened the door out of Remus’ apartment and stepped out into what must have been his office. “Lead the way.”

“Forgotten your way around Hogwarts already, Black?” Remus laughed and Sirius shook his head good-naturedly.

“Never, I know this place like the back of my hand. I was just being polite.”

“I know,” Remus sent him a smirk as their strides began to synchronize, “it’s strange.” 

Sirius heard one loud laugh leave his mouth, felt a split-second of worry for being that loud this time of night, and then laughed again when he realized he was no longer a student. Old habits and all that.

“Did you just realize that you can be as loud as you want?” Remus guessed. Correctly, that bastard.

“Indeed. What an odd revelation. But Filch is still around isn’t he?”

“Oh don’t worry about him. He has no authority over me anymore,” Remus bumped against Sirius’ shoulder. “And you’re my guest, so the same applies for you too.”

“I’m not saying I’m afraid of his _ authority_, per se, Remus, not that I ever was, by the way. It’s that I have no desire to interact with the miserable sod ever again.”

“Fair,” Remus laughed, and the laugh was genuine. Sirius knew it was because Remus looked younger now, even more than usual. Young and carefree and for a moment there, Sirius felt a pang of resentment towards him for it. But only for a moment.

They walked in silence for the rest of the way in the castle, and Remus must have known that Sirius was taking this opportunity to take Hogwarts in for the first time in a very long time. It was comforting to think about Harry here, to think that new memories would be made and perhaps all of the ghosts around Sirius would begin to fade into the background of his mind as an added bonus. If Remus was unhappy with the silence, SIrius didn’t pick up on it, and that put him at ease. He didn’t have many moments where he could just be in his own skin. Where he could think about where he was and what it made him feel.

“You go into the Forest frequently then?” Sirius broke the silence, somehow knowing that Remus wouldn’t break it first, for Sirius’ sake probably.

“Somewhat frequently,” Remus answered, and the sound of his voice carrying across the dark empty ground of Hogwarts sounded melodic to Sirius’ ears. Heightened somehow. “I think it’s good to be in there, to ground myself.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, thinking not for the first time that the man tended to speak in riddles. 

“We get so caught up in magic, it seems unstoppable sometimes, doesn’t it? Like we are invincible?” Remus asked airily, and Sirius could respond only with some breathy noise because of how odd and how appropriate it was that Remus should articulate those thoughts when they had only just been in Sirius’ mind a couple days before. “But we aren’t, not at all. And when you are in that forest — don’t care if you have only stepped a foot into it or you are a couple kilometers into it — you feel some level of terror. Of unfamiliarity and powerlessness.”

“Yeah,” Sirius managed to breath, “I can understand that.” 

“I think it’s healthy, you know? To feel that fear, feel some brief insight into your mortality. It is incredible what we can do with magic, the spells we can use, and the good we can enact in the world,” Remus paused and turned to Sirius. “You do it every day as a healer. But when you enter into the forest and meet a centaur, let’s say… you learn that there higher forces out there than magic. There’s a universe and a plan and then Mercury is in retrograde and apparently setting something crazy into motion and what if that spurs something huge into action that not even magic can address? Because _ you _ know,” Remus’ eyes flicked back to Sirius and Sirius sighed because somehow he was following everything that Remus was going on about, “_you _ know that magic cannot stop death. That death is the master of us all.”

Sirius was quiet for a while, taking it all in, and Remus was unperturbed. They were close to the Forest now. “You’re a bit crazy, do you know that?” Sirius said offhandedly, not wanting to give too much away. But Remus knew that too. And Sirius knew that he knew. And on and on and on.

“There’s a beautiful clearing about half a kilometer into the Forest, I think you’ll really enjoy it. I know that I do. It’s been unbothered every time I have been there. It’s peaceful.” 

“Oh, and here I was, thinking that you were taking me to meet a swarm of Acromantulas,” Sirius joked lightly, but his tone let off that maybe he wasn’t joking at all.

“No, no. I much prefer you alive.”

“Good to hear,” Sirius responded, and his voice sounded breathier than usual. “Not every day I follow a semi-stranger into the Forbidden Forest.”

“No?” Remus asked, doing a fantastic job of maintaining a straight face. Sirius laughed again and when he looked up, the Forest was looming in front of them. Ominous and dark and just as spooky as he remembered. “Gorgeous isn’t it?” Remus with a smile that pulled the right side of his mouth up more than the left and Sirius was suddenly hit with the memory Remus’ articulating that he would like to kiss him. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Sirius moved away from Remus quickly, not ignoring the thoughts popping up into his head about how insane he must be to launch into the Forest without a thought. But then again, it was the less terrifying option, that he was sure of. He heard Remus laugh behind him.

“Sirius,” that deep voice called, “may I remind you that you don’t actually know where you are going? And as scared of me as you may be, I’m far more harmless than whatever you may run into in there.”

Sirius took a deep breath, hoping that the extra oxygen would travel straight up to his brain and provide him with clearer thoughts. “Yep,” he answered pathetically as he halted in place and waited for Remus to catch up.

“It’s this way,” Remus said softly, but with authority — because the man clearly knew where the fuck he was going — and he grabbed Sirius by the wrist and led him confidently to the left.

“Have you ever had to use magic in here? To protect yourself from anything?” Sirius asked as he saw a pair of glowing eyes following the two of them from their right.

“Sure, a couple of times. But it was mostly to untangle myself from unruly plants that I had offended,” Remus answered easily as he continued traversing the two of them through the forest, following some unseen path, and dragging Sirius along by the wrist as if he were nothing but a rag doll.

“Offended? Through words or actions?” Sirius clarified, but it was a joke, of course.

“Both,” Remus answered simply, and Sirius felt an unexplainable desire to punch him in the face or shove him to the ground or something. Enough questions for now, he thought. 

The half a kilometer felt longer than it was, which Sirius should have suspected given the fact that they were wandering through a dark forest and moving slowly as to not trip or disrupt the thousands of unidentified creatures around them. Or offend the plants, apparently. What felt like 20 minutes later, but it was probably only about 10, Remus stopped and Sirius assumed that they had reached their destination.

“Wow,” Sirius mused as he took it all in. It certainly didn’t fit the illustration he had always had in his mind of the Forest. It was not terrifying, nor creepy, not at all like the horrifying encounter he’d had with a thestral that he couldn’t even see during his fifth year. It was picturesque, even peaceful — a peaceful clearing surrounded by formidable trees in every direction which housed the most foreboding beings that existed on earth. And the absolute eeriness of it was beautiful.

“Isn’t it?” Remus answered, and his smile was so palpable that Sirius felt it in the air between them.

“Do you know the entire forest?” Sirius asked as he looked up at the moon. It was magnificent tonight. “Have you explored it all?”

“No, I can kind of feel it, the areas where I’m not wanted,” Remus said, and his answer felt important. “It’s a sense I have. A connection with other… other magical creatures,” he concluded and Sirius didn’t understand what any of it meant. But alright.

“That’s good,” he settled on. “A beneficial predisposition for a Care or Magical Creatures Professor.”

“It has come in handy,” Remus agreed with a smile that looked dangerous, and Sirius felt an odd pull in his stomach, like he were something akin to prey. “The stars are bright tonight,” Remus spoke more mildly, but Sirius’ stomach did not settle. “So is the moon. I hoped they would be. For you.”

Sirius looked up, appreciating a view that was impossible to find in London. It was probably impossible to find anything comparable to this actually. With the Forest around him, the smell of Hogwarts in his nostrils, and nobody around for kilometers. Except for Remus, that is.

“Do you want to dance with me?” The question caught Sirius off guard.

“Do you know how strange you are?” Sirius countered.

“Yes, but why would I ever want to be normal?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius gave up with a shake of his head. He didn’t even know why he was putting up a fight. “Okay,” he sighed, and it felt a bit like surrender.

“Good, come here,” Remus held out an arm and Sirius took it. Remus pulled him closer, and the next moment, their chests were flush against each other. Sirius swallowed, trying to not give too much away. But what was he giving away exactly? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t mind at all. Not when Remus wrapped one arm around his waist, underneath the layer of his cloak, and a hand landed on his lower back. 

“There’s no music,” Sirius whispered, and oh fuck, did he really just whisper? 

“Sure there is,” Remus responded softly as he started to sway, taking Sirius right along with him. “There are so many beautiful sounds in the forest if you just take a moment to listen for them.”

“Oh, okay,” Sirius whispered again before the two of them fell into silence. He moved one of his hands to mirror Remus’ letting it rest on his lower back beneath his cloak, and the other one landed on his shoulder. Remus hummed, in a way that Sirius understand as approval, and they stayed like that for a while, swaying more than ‘dancing’, quiet with the forest in the background, and all in all, Sirius felt completely breathless. 

As time passed by, Sirius picked up in the noises around him. There were owls. There was the light rush of wind through the trees. There was the soft rhythm of Remus’ breath slightly off beat of his own.

“I’m sorry about your brother,” Remus whispered into his ear, and Sirius froze in place. And then Remus stopped swaying as well.

Sirius tried to pull back, but the other man wouldn’t let him. He tried again. It didn’t work, Remus’ grip was deceptively strong. “Why would you say that?” Sirius settled on, a bit embarrassed with the vitriol lining his voice that he had no control over.

“Because I know you loved him,” Remus’ soft whisper remained the same, completely independent of whatever Sirius responded with. Always unaffected and fuck was that annoying. Sirius felt his eyes begin to heat up, his breathing begin to quicken. With anger or with sadness he wasn’t sure. Perhaps a bit of both. The pressure of Remus’ hand on his back became strong. Because he knew. “I imagine it was heartbreaking, to hope that he would come to see things like you did. To fight back. And then he never got the chance to redeem himself.” The burst of Remus’ breath on his neck gave Sirius goosebumps, and that made it all the worse.

“Stop it,” Sirius said with as much force as he could, his voice hoarse, and it was no longer a whisper.

“Why?” Remus asked with what sounded like genuine curiosity, calm eyes bearing into Sirius’. 

“It’s really fucking annoying, that’s why,” Sirius barked, voice becoming louder with every word that he spoke. He moved his hands to Remus’ chest and used all of his strength to push against it, but Remus still didn’t move. “You don’t get to just say whatever you want so that, what? You pull some sort of reaction out of me? It’s fucking irritating, and would you _ please get the fuck off of me,_” he growled at the end. 

Remus said nothing, but raised his eyebrows as he let his hold of Sirius go completely. Sirius stumbled back a little bit as Remus stepped back, still fighting against him and not expecting such a sudden release. 

“Fuck Remus, what the fuck are you even doing?” Sirius asked when he reached a distance from the other man that he felt suited him. He reached one hand up to tug roughly at his own hair and the other to wipe his face dry. “It’s like you’re trying to get me to fucking explode.”

“I just see you,” Remus answered easily and Sirius wanted to scream.

“What do you see?” Sirius was yelling now.

“What you’re trying to hide from everybody else.”

“No you don’t,” Sirius chuckled, but it sounded dark. He shivered and he looked back up at Remus with frustration, but he wasn’t sure exactly what it stemmed from yet.

“Yes. I do Sirius,” Remus said, unaffected and leaning against a tree now. And that was it, the man was always pushing Sirius to his limits while remaining completely and utterly unaffected. And it was infuriating.

Sirius exhaled angrily and then moved into action, striding up to Remus in a flash and pinning his shoulders against the tree behind him. A small puff of breath left Remus’ mouth, and Sirius read it as surprise and that was a victory all in itself. Finally, Remus was caught off guard. Sirius continued to moved quickly and he crashed his lips up to Remus’, aggressively and without thinking and making sure that it was anything but gentle. 

Remus’ mouth fought back against his own, and there was a battle going on between them, lips and tongues and teeth clashing relentlessly against each other. When Sirius bit down on the other man’s lip, his body pressed fully against Remus’ now, Remus let out a sharp cry. And Sirius had the instinct to lick his lip shortly after, and a soft moan followed that did something crazy to Sirius’ lower body. 

It started off angrily, aggressively, but Sirius found that after the initial clash of their mouths, after hearing the sounds that Remus was making, it turned into something else. It got away from Sirius, not what he had in mind, but he found that he liked the direction it had taken, and he followed it without a single thought. They continued to move against each other, still full of feeling, but slower now, and Sirius relished in the opportunity to fully _ feel _what was happening between the two of them. 

And they were alone, in the Forbidden Forest of all places, they were completely alone. Just Sirius and the one man who insisted that he truly understood him. And maybe he did.

“I know you because I’m just like you,” Remus pulled back a millimeter to whisper into his mouth, both arms wrapping themselves around Sirius’ waist and pulling him impossibly closer.

“Nobody is like me,” Sirius said hoarsely, exhaustedly.

“I am,” Remus smirked as his free hand moved quickly into Sirius’ hand and pull his head back roughly. Sirius groaned in surprise and it should have been embarrassing, but it wasn’t, not when Remus’ mouth latched onto his neck now. His hands grabbed firmly onto Sirius’ hips, but when Remus tried to flip their position, Sirius just pushed him forcefully back again and Remus stayed put. 

Sirius, eager to keep the look of uncertainty on Remus’ face, pushed forward again, and this time, he shoved his hands under Remus’ sweater and delighted in the shiver that cold hands on his warm skin elicited as he pressed their lips together again. Sirius enjoyed this, more than he could have ever imagined. He enjoyed Remus like this, in a reversed position where Sirius was getting under his skin, surprising him, catching him off guard and causing any sort of reaction that wasn’t stoic and calm. He wanted to keep going, he wasn’t quite sure where he would end up, but he knew that the more skin he could touch, the better it would be for the both of them. 

Remus tilted his head back against the tree, hitting it too hard against the trunk by the sound of it, and groaned loudly when Sirius’ hands trailed down from his navel and to the waistband of his trousers. What a little shit he was, Sirius thought as Remus’ body trembled at the touch, he was probably getting exactly what he had wanted the entire time. And that drove Sirius even crazier. He ripped the zipper down and steadied a hand on Remus’ hips as he shoved the other beneath Remus’ trousers and pants in one swift motion. 

“Ah, fuck,” Remus muttered, his throat leaned back and exposed as Sirius’ sure hand stroked slowly along his length. Sirius delighted in every reaction that his fingers pulled from the man pressed against him, and he leaned closer still, lips grazing along Remus’ jawline until they reached his earlobe, which he bit in conjunction with a new twist of his wrist. 

“This is what you wanted the whole fucking time, wasn’t it,” Sirius growled quietly as his hand slowed to a pace that he knew was torturous for the other man, fingers gripped firmly around him but nearly frozen with the intention of bringing Remus to a painful level of frustration. “Antagonizing me. Shocking me. Talking to me like that, trying to catch me off guard.”

“I knew I would break you,” Remus laughed, but it was all breath. Sirius held him tighter and gave a swift stroke that pulled a choke from the back of his throat. “I just didn’t think it would be so easy,” he continued raspily, but still as cocky as ever.

Sirius laughed against his neck and increased the pace of his hand now, thinking this might be the only thing that would shut him up. It was, and Sirius delighted in the fluttering of Remus’ eyelids and the slack of his jaw as he found the right rhythm. Sirius watched him, watched as he fell apart under his touch, and couldn’t help but leave a trail of kisses next to his ear. And then his neck. And then back around to his lips, which were far too busy working for their next breath to actually kiss him back. 

“You too,” Remus muttered as his hips began push into Sirius’ hand. “I want to touch you too.”

Sirius paused, because even though all of this felt right, it was still very new to him. Completely new, actually. But Remus wasn’t phased, and his hands moved to Sirius’ trousers and had them undone and pushed down over Sirius’ hips a second later. 

Remus leaned forward a bit now, pressing against Sirius, and he grabbed Sirius’ wrist to keep him from resuming the stroke of his hand. Instead, Remus spit into his free hand, moved it between the two of them, and began stroking both of their cocks. Together. The friction of it sent adrenaline rushing through Sirius’ body, and it didn’t take much longer for his hips to push forward and back again. And forward and back again, and then Remus was doing the same thing and they fell into a rhythm all of their own, hips working in conjunction and their breathing, in stark contrast, an erratic mess.

Sirius leaned into the touch, allowing his head to drop onto the crook of Remus’ shoulder for support, and let the feeling swallow him whole. He heard himself gasp as Remus’ nimble fingers traversed the length of his cock, all while he was pressed against Remus’ length, and it dawned on him how much better Remus probably was at this. How every movement of his hands made Sirius feel like he was going to melt right into him. And Remus knew it. Remus knew he was good. But Sirius knew some things too, and he wasn’t going to let Remus be the only one taking control like this.

Sirius tugged Remus’ trousers down lower, down until they hit the ground along with his boxers. He straightened his neck up again and brought two of his fingers up to Remus’ mouth. Without a word, Remus parted his lips and allowed Sirius’ fingers to slip inside. His tongue met them eagerly, he sucked on them eagerly, and Sirius could see it in his eyes, he was as affected by all of this as must as Sirius was. And that was all of the encouragement that Sirius needed.

He pulled his fingers out of Remus’ mouth and pushed his weight against Remus until his shoulders leaned against the tree behind him, and Sirius’ hand moved over to his lower back. It trailed down the curve of his ass — and _ fuck _ his ass was sexy — Sirius was unsure how he hadn’t noticed it before. But now that he had, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to think of anything else, especially not with Remus’ hand on both of their cocks, stroking like he was. Nimbly. Surely. Like he knew that he was tearing Sirius apart with every shift he made.

Sirius moved quickly as he lifted Remus’ left leg, brought it up to wrap around his waist, and shifted his body so that Remus was fully pinned against the tree with Sirius hovering on top of him. Remus obliged, his breathing hitched now, but the stroke of his hand remained steady between them. A loud groan surrounded Sirius’ senses as his fingers moved into the cleft of Remus’ arse, and as they danced around his entrance lightly, questioningly, Sirius’ name on Remus’ lips let him know that everything he was doing was right. Sirius knew this of course, it was his job to be familiar with the human body. Everything was happening all at once, but it was fluid and it was easy and _ fuck, it was so fucking sexy. _

He pushed one finger inside of Remus, focusing all of his energy on his own hands despite the quickened pace of Remus’ hand. But Remus was struggling too, and Sirius realized that this was a battle between them. A battle for dominance, for control, and it was torturous and pleasurable and overwhelming his entire body, but he wasn’t going to give up his focus. Sirius Black did not give up.

Sirius crooked his finger, searching for the spot that he knew was inside of Remus, the spot that would turn put him in even further desperation. When a new sort of groan — higher, more uncontrolled — came out of Remus’ mouth, Sirius knew that he had found it. And now he was going to be unrelenting. He massaged slowly at it first, knowing that the slow build would torture the other man for longer, and then he inserted another finger, and his stroke became faster. Attuned perfectly with Remus now and he pressed their mouths together, violently, frantically, as they each worked to outlast the other.

“I know what it feels like to feel dead inside,” Remus panted and Sirius wasn’t sure whether it was the twist of Remus’ hand or his words that brought a cry out of his mouth. And he realized at that moment that neither of them were going to give up — it would be a fight to the literal finish. He looked down and saw that Remus’ chest was heavy and kept the stroke of his two fingers steady. “_Ah, fuck!”_ Remus yelped, but the bastard kept going anyway. “I know what it’s like to feel like you’re living somebody else’s life,” Remus’ voice was strangled, wonderfully and torturously strangled, Sirius thought. “Like everything you have wasn’t meant for you and now you’re nothing but an imposter.”

“_Fuck, Remus,” _Sirius muttered, getting close now and feeling impossibly overwhelmed by it all. It was too much, mixing sex and repressed feelings and then saying it all out loud in the open, and what the fuck was happening? It was way too much.

“And I know that’s what you feel, I can see it in your eyes,” Sirius breathed into Remus mouth as he continued speaking, his jaw slack and all of his focus dedicated to taking Remus apart with the simple press of his fingers. “And I know, _ ah_, I know that it scares the shit out of you that somebody else could _ know_. I know that I scare the shit out of you—” Remus cried out deeply as he came, spilling himself all over his own hand and Sirius’ stomach. A groan was ripped from Sirius at the experience of it all — at knowing that he had been the last man standing and he had ripped that cocky attitude away from Remus and left him as a frantic fucking mess in its place. 

Remus shifted slightly, setting his leg back down on the ground and Sirius pulled his hand slowly out of him, but Remus didn’t let go of his grip on Sirius’ cock. He regained his footing after a long pause — and it impressive that he was able to do so so quickly, Sirius thought vaguely — straightened up, and pushed his free hand back into Sirius’ scalp, even rougher this time, as his other hand stroked faster now, slicker now that Remus had come before him and coated his hand along the way. And that was… Sirius groaned. It was rapidly building him up to shatter into a million pieces, all at the hand, at the mouth, at the words of one Remus Lupin.

“And you know, deep down,” Remus continued, voice still forceful despite the exhaustion that Sirius knew was there, “you know that I’m the only fucking person in your life who has any clue how fucked up it feels, to live this life, to be standing here alone while the others were killed.” Sirius groaned helplessly, he couldn’t fight it any longer. It was too much, too much, too much. “But we are here, and it’s bloody incredible in a way. Don’t you fucking forget that—” and then Sirius cut Remus off with a cry of his own and he felt himself pulse in Remus’ hand and warm liquid rush out of him. 

However Remus had recovered so quickly from his orgasm, Sirius was not sure, as he slumped into the other man’s embrace upon finishing. Sirius may had caused Remus to finish first, but the entire experience had taken a larger toll out of him. Remus held him up as the minutes passed by and their breathing began to level out as the sounds of the forests began to surround them once again, like a soothing concerto after a brash climax of wills and words and sex. Yes, he thought, there had been sex. 

Sirius wasn’t sure how Remus got them there, he moved much more smoothly that he looked — and fuck was he much stronger than he looked as well — but ten minutes later found them lying in the clearing, still bare from the bottom down, Sirius on his back and Remus propped up on one arm next to him.

“I knew it would be like this,” Remus murmured, and it didn’t take much for Sirius to catch the hint of pride in his voice.

“I can’t believe you,” Sirius huffed as he still worked to catch his breath. 

“Mmm, yes you can,” Remus muttered as he rolled on top of Sirius, leaving a kiss on his lips before pushing Sirius’ sweater up and moving his mouth to start exploring his bare chest. “You just haven’t let yourself be like this in a long time.”

“What? Horny?” Sirius scoffed breathily, but his tone was soft.

Remus laughed against his sternum, the vibration from his throat sweet. “No. Seen. Understood.”Hhe kissed his skin again.

“But how did you know? How were you so sure? _ Annoyingly _sure.”

Remus sat back on his heels and pulled his sweater off over his head, leaving his torso naked. His skin glowed a bit in the darkness of the forest, illuminated only by the light of the not-quite-full moon, and Sirius traced his body with his eyes. Sharp, lean edges, long limbs, and more scars shining across his torso. And it was beautiful, all of it. 

Remus lowered himself down on Sirius’ exposed skin, and Sirius groaned at the feel of skin against skin. The closeness of this, after what had just occurred... it wasn’t arousing, per say, Sirius didn’t think his body was capable of being aroused at this exact moment. But it was _ something_.

Remus unclasped the cloak that hung still around Sirius’ shoulders and moved to pull his sweater completely off of his body, to match Remus. Sirius lifted himself up using his abdominals and let Remus pull it over his head before lying back down on his back and pulling Remus completely down on top of him again, but this time with no barriers at all. Just the two of them, and nothing else. And despite everything that had taken place over the last ten minutes between the two of them, this felt like the most intimate of them all.

“I told you,” Remus mumbled against his lips, almost teasingly, “I was you. I was you for a very long time.”

Sirius swallowed hard. “Is it dangerous to be out here like this?”

“Maybe,” Remus smiled widely, Sirius felt it more than he saw it. “We may not have known each other very well at Hogwarts, but you were hard to miss, you know?” Remus kissed him soundly and Sirius relaxed a little more, moving a hand to Remus’ lower back to squeeze him closer. “You act so differently now, like you’re a different person, which, that’s fine if you are. We all need to cope in the ways that we can.” 

Sirius leaned his neck up and kissed him again, lazily. 

“But people don’t just completely change like that — I know that I never did. I spoke with you, I spent about a minute with you and I could recognize it. That a part of you felt dead inside, and that you’ve been resisting the idea of it ever coming back because you probably feel like you don’t deserve to be the same person that you used to be. Not with everything else that has gone on over the last four years, with James and Lily and Regulus.” 

“I don’t think I do deserve it,” Sirius whispered, because why not bare it all now. Remus already knew it, so why not let everything else melt away completely with the rest of it.

Remus hummed as he ran his hands up Sirius’ sides, and then Sirius let him run his hands along his arms and push them to lie above his head, elongated. Remus held his wrists there, hovering over him, “I know.” Remus leaned down and kissed the pulse point along his jaw, tangling their legs together as if he were trying to morph them into one entity. “But it’s not dead, I knew it was in there. In you. Because it _ is _ you, and when the time is right, when you have healed enough, it will come back.”

“Well fuck…” Sirius muttered and Remus placed another kiss on his mouth as one hand moved to hold both of his wrists and the other moved back down to stroke down his torso. 

“Maybe I can help bring it out of you again, I think I already have a bit, don’t you?” Remus nuzzled into his neck, and Sirius felt his breath hitch yet again as his hand moved lower and lower and—

“Remus, I can’t,” Sirius heard himself whine as he tried to pull his arms down — but Remus’ grip was impossibly fucking strong — and then he groaned because he found the tone of his voice humiliating.

Remus hummed into his ear, unconvinced, “I think you can,” he whispered confidently and Sirius wanted to disappear when he heard the noise that came out of his mouth when Remus wrapped his hand back around his cock. “See?” Remus chuckled as Sirius felt himself start to harden all over again. 

Sirius swallowed hard. When he opened his eyes back up, he saw Remus smiling devilishly down at him and Sirius, for the life of him, could not decide if Remus Lupin was an angel from heaven or a demon from hell.

“Fucking hell Remus, what are you doing to me,” he sighed, defeated now and completely at the whim of the man who was pulling him undone, thread by thread, in a way that nothing or no one ever had before.

“Don’t you know?” he asked sweetly and he must have sensed Sirius’ submission because he let go of Sirius’ wrists, moved down his long body, and situated himself between Sirius’ legs, rubbing his cheek lightly against Sirius’ nearly fully hard cock. Sirius’ chest rose and fell dramatically as he searched for breathing pattern that would sustain him through another round of this, and he pushed his hands into Remus’ hair, as if it would stabilize him. Remus looked up in satisfaction, his smile sickeningly sweet and quite an interesting picture next to Sirius’ erect cock. “I want to absolutely destroy you.”

Remus set his hands down on either side of Sirius’ hips. And Sirius watched, eyes uncontrollably wide, as he opened his mouth and licked one long strip along the underside of his cock, reaching the tip and then swallowing it all the way down to the back of his throat in one fluid motion. Sirius’ back arched and his hips made an attempt to thrust up further down Remus’ throat, but the attempt was futile with Remus’ grip on him. Remus hummed in response and dug his fingers deeper into Sirius’ skin, sending a clear message that no, Sirius wasn’t going to move until Remus wanted him to. Sirius growled out a frustrated noise as Remus moved his mouth back up slowly, tongue working in conjunction with his mouth, and tried unsuccessfully to push back one more time before letting his head rest against the ground and accepting that Remus was in control this time.

His hands tightened around Remus’ hair, and the moan that enveloped his cock let him know that Remus was enjoying the struggle too — whatever this push and pull was that made Sirius want to fuck Remus so hard, so intensely that it would send him into oblivion, Remus felt it too. And he was doing a fine fucking job of it right now.

Remus’s mouth started slow around Sirius’ cock, and although Sirius vaguely registered that Remus appeared to be enjoying it all, he was mostly focused on the sensation of his warm wet mouth. Wrapped around his cock, and eventually reaching a rhythm that was exactly what Sirius wanted, hips or no hips involved. Sirius craned his neck up, to catch sight of what was happening and was met with Remus’ eyes open, looking directly into his own, as he lowered his mouth down to the root of Sirius’ length as if he were putting on a show. Sirius could see that he was on his knees, his shoulders hunched downs, and his back arched up with his arse in the air. A burning thought ran through his mind that he would like to fuck it, and hard. But that would come later.

Sensing correctly again that Sirius wouldn’t fight against him for control now, Remus removed one hand off of Sirius’ hip. Sirius felt the hand move under his arse and lift his leg over Remus’ shoulder as Remus’ mouth maintained a steady and consistent pace that kept Sirius flat on the ground. The cocky fucker was coordinated, Sirius would give him that — his self confidence certainly valid. Remus leaned his shoulder forward, to push Sirius’ leg back further against his stomach, and Sirius felt his free hand drag up along along the inside of his thigh, trace along the outline of his balls, and move lower and lower and _ lower. _

And Sirius was completely lost in it, unaware of the forest around him, unaware of the deeper implications of what was happening between he and this other man, unaware of everything in his life that existed as a constant buzz of dullness in his mind. But he was aware of Remus, and the way that his mouth was humming around him, his tongue focused now on the tip of his cock. He was aware of Remus’ fingers, petting against him — something that Sirius had never thought he wanted but now it was happening and Sirius was halfway to oblivion, and he knew that he would die if Remus stopped — petting, prodding, and now a finger was slowly working a way inside of him and he let his leg fall open even more for Remus, baring everything now. He was aware of Remus’ arse, which he had become much better acquainted with earlier that evening. And as Sirius’ hips started to thrust freely into Remus’ mouth, unencumbered now, he couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like when he was thrusting into Remus’ arse, preferably fully exposed with Remus bent over a table and Sirius’ hands pulling at his hair and—

“_Fuckkkkkk," _Sirius cried out, his voice out of place in the seemingly-peaceful forest that wasn’t actually peaceful at all outside of this clearing. Remus kept his mouth on him, his finger inside of him, as he rode out his orgasm and convulsed down Remus’ eager throat.

Sirius gasped for breath, his eyes faltering between slamming shut and opening wide as white hot fire raced through his body and then left him feeling empty and overwhelmingly full at the same time. He blinked frantically as if he would eventually open his eyes and fully understand everything that had just transpired between them. Fuck, everything that had transpired in his life since he had left Hogwarts feeling like he could conquer the world only to have everything crashing around him on one terrible night.

“I think you _ are _trying to kill me,” Sirius said raspily as he finally caught his breath. He pulled Remus over on top of him, grabbed his ass roughly, hopeful that it would leave a mark, and kissed him. Sirius could taste himself as he licked into Remus’ mouth, and he very quickly realized how much he liked that. 

“The opposite actually,” Remus mumbled as he pulled back and molded his body against Sirius’, his head rested in the crook of Sirius’ shoulder now and his lips against his neck.

“Where did you even come from?” Sirius asked in wonderment as he looked up at the clear night sky above. Appropriate, really. Remus said nothing for a while but Sirius felt a laugh against his neck. He stroked his fingers lightly against the nape of Remus’ neck, warm and sweaty in contrast to the cool temperature that Sirius hadn’t even thought about at all until this moment. 

“Where did _ you _come from,” Remus countered with a kiss against his pulse point and Sirius laughed this time and kept his gaze up at the stars.

“It’s very beautiful here,” he heard himself, not to Remus in particular, but just because it needed to be said. “Peaceful. Comfortable. Surrounded by creatures that could pop out and fuck me up, but they aren’t. I feel grounded.”

“And those two orgasms probably didn’t hurt,” Remus murmured with a tinge of satisfaction that he had earned the right to use.

“I don’t think I’ll ever regain use of my legs,” Sirius muttered, but after a minute he rethought that sentiment. “But then again, I will need my legs when I fuck you, so that’s just not an option.”

Remus bit down on his earlobe, a bit harder than what was comfortable, and then murmured in his ear, “Fuck me, huh?”

Sirius turned his head and caught Remus’ lips again, but it was gentle this time, conveying something more than sensuality. “Yeah,” Sirius whispered back.

“Yeah,” Remus mirrored him. “Next time.”

Sirius hummed against his lips, it felt like something akin to a kiss, and then laid his head back down and closed his eyes. He heard Remus murmur something under his breath, summoning his wand probably, and a moment later, their cloaks were summoned as well.

“It is dangerous to do magic in here?” Sirius asked, feeling the weight of his fatigue now and he heard as Remus transfigured their cloaks into the warmest blankets he had ever felt. 

“Not if it doesn’t disturb the forest, the plants or the creatures inside. If the magic can leave everything around it untouched, we won’t have a problem,” Remus replied softly as he covered Sirius with the blankets. “And I’ll cast a shielding charm around us, we’ll be invisible and untouchable to anything that comes into the clearing,”

“I can’t believe I’m sleeping in the Forbidden Forest,” Sirius said, his voice fading into sleep when Remus murmured a couple more spells and the ground softened beneath them.

“I can’t believe I’m sleeping with Sirius Black,” Remus responded as he moved under the blankets and molded himself back against Sirius’ body. Sirius pulled him even closer as he found the closeness more than crucial.

“Yes you can,” Sirius laughed into the other man’s hair. And if Remus responded, it was nothing more that a lulling hum of air as Sirius drifted into sleep under the darkened sky and luminous stars above.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius’ green robes swept through the hallway of St. Mungos, the entire building buzzing more than what was normal. A couple of days had passed since he had spent the night in the forest with Remus, and things had been moving non-stop since then. He’d barely had a moment to catch his breath. 

“Healer Black?” Sirius heard a familiar voice and sighed with a tinge of annoyance.

“Yes, Emmeline?”

“What does all of this,” Emmeline motioned around the hospital, “what does all of this mean for us now?”

Sirius had been expecting this, and thankfully he had already mulled this over with Adolphus when the news officially broke. “It doesn’t mean a lot for us in our capacity as healers. There are new symptoms to look out for now, symptoms that the entire healing community will be made aware of and to look out for. We won’t be caught off guard again.”

“No,” Emmeline agreed, and Sirius could see her swallow slowly.

“Adolphus has tasked me with writing up a sort of research paper about it. To give the public, and the rest of the healing community, some sort of explanation. Some facts they can look for in the midst of whatever bullshit the media is going to try and terrorize them with,” Sirius explained, and Emmeline nodded as if that made sense. “I don’t know if it will ever offer the peace of mind that they are looking for, I’m not sure if anything can do that now… but knowing the facts, knowing what to look out for in times like these is always going to be important.”

“Do you really think he’s back then?” Emmeline asked, her eyes afraid and looking at Sirius as though he had all the answers in the world. “That he’s somehow still alive?”

“It looks that way, as much as I hate to say it,” Sirius sighed, leaning against the wall now. “Not in human form, we know that. But there is something out there according to Dumbledore.”

Emmeline’s eyes flickered up to his face and then down to the ground and then back up to his face again. “I’m so sorry. I… I can’t imagine how you must be feeling—”

“I’m not,” Sirius cut her off abruptly before she could even have the chance to elaborate. “Not here. Not when there is work to be done. Not when we can do some good to stop it,” Sirius sighed, wanting to put this particular strain of the topic to rest. “It’s the only thing we can do right now Emmeline. What it means for the rest of the wizarding community? I don’t know. But when we are here, I suppose our focus remains what it has always been.”

“You’re right,” she nodded, her voice small. “Let me know if you need any help with the paper you are writing up, okay?”

“I will, thank you.”

“Sure, Sirius. Whatever you need,” Emmeline muttered before pausing briefly and continuing again. “The patient on room 1-21—”

“The nasty altercation with the merperson?”

“Yes, that’s the one. She’s improving now, you were right about the gillyweed neutralizing the healing paste. The additional ditany did the trick.”

“Great, I’ll let you take over on that case now. Keep me updated until she is released from the hospital?

“Yes,” Emmeline nodded before turning in the opposite direction and heading down to the patients’ ward.

Sirius moved back to his office and let himself feel the heavy weight that had been hanging on his shoulder since he had gotten back home with Harry last Saturday and received the news. Dark magic. Similar makeup of ‘You-Know-Who’s’. Likely still alive. Somehow. Don’t panic.

And he hadn’t panicked, not yet, not with Harry around and not with a job that had to be done. The evidence of his ‘return’ had originated in St. Mungo’s through Emerson Barnes, who had been determined to have been traveling in the forests of Albania, not Southeast Asia. Whatever had happened in the forest had left him with a reaction to magic that had never been seen before. After a week of investigating further into it with the permission of his family, nothing but bad news had been revealed. 

And then there was Remus, everything that had happened with Remus in the forest, and the days of silence that had followed it. Sirius hadn’t expected that. There was a lot to be said about opening himself up to feeling things again. It was like a dam breaking and he wasn’t sure if the water would ever settle down again. He pulled out a pen and some parchment. 

_ Dear Remus, _

_ I hope that you have been well, especially with everything that’s been going on lately. I’m sure you’ve seen the news. _

_ I’d like to see you again, preferably soon. Molly won’t have any issue watching Harry, I will just need a day or so notice to plan it out. _

_ Yours, _

_Sirius Black_   
_ Healer at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries  
Creature Induced Injuries Ward, First Floor_

He looked it over a couple of times. It felt short, but Sirius didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know exactly how to convey how much he had been aching to see the other man again. But Remus knew that already, so he felt like the note would suffice.

A quick trip up to the owlery reunited Sirius with his beloved Fiona, and she took the job happily, flying out the window only a few seconds after receiving Sirius’ instruction. Now he would wait. But there was a lot of work to be done, so he hoped that it would fly by quickly and ease his nerves as an added bonus.

By the time that six o’clock rolled around, Sirius had completed a first draft of the symptoms section of his paper for Adolphus’ review. There were still researchers that were working to determine the magical makeup of the curse that had affected Emerson and eventually brought about his death, so it would be a little while longer before he had all of the information. But for now, he was doing what he could. And that would have to be enough for today. 

He flooed into the Weasley’s to pick up Harry, and made a conscious decision to put on a more positive face in the three seconds it took him to arrive. Everything else going on, the news of Voldemort’s spirit being found alive somewhere, the confusion related to one Remus Lupin, was ultimately white noise which meant nothing when Harry was around. 

“Sirius,” Molly greeted him with a hug that was more affectionate than normal, and Sirius dreaded whatever was coming next. 

“I know,” he said, because he did. “I just don’t want Harry to have to deal with any of it right now. To sense any of it. He’s only five.”

“He won’t,” she whispered, as if keeping her voice down would take care of everything. “What does Dumbledore think?”

“He wasn’t surprised, which makes me wonder what else he already knows. Makes me a little hopeful actually, that somebody isn’t surprised.”

“Know thy enemy,” 

“Exactly. Whatever is coming… we are better equipped to handle it if we aren’t caught by surprise.”

“You’ve got a lot of people supporting you Sirius. And Harry Potter? The entire wizarding community is on his side,” 

“That’s good to hear, Molly. Thank you. Where is the little tyrant anyway?”

“He and Ron are colouring in Ron’s bedroom, probably colouring some quidditch players. I got them these magical colouring books, once you colour a picture fully in, it springs to life! Brilliant, isn’t it?”

Sirius smiled widely. This was the type of information he wanted to hear about. “Absolutely brilliant. I’ll have to pick some of those up for him too.”

“Quidditch quidditch quidditch,” Molly laughed under her breath as she called the two boys down from Ron’s room. 

Not two seconds later, the pounding of little footsteps filled the room as Ron and Harry came bounding down the steps, excited as always. Every second a new adventure and something about that reminded Sirius of Remus, and really, how sappy was that.

*****

Sirius woke up to the sound of an owl tapping at his bedroom window. He felt a buzz of excitement when he recognized the owl as Fiona, and jumped out of bed, far more eagerly than usual, to let her inside. He untied the letter from her foot and gave her a couple of affection pets when she flew off, presumably headed back to St. Mungo’s. 

He opened the piece of parchment paper and gave a sigh of relief to find that it was from Remus. The man had inserted himself very insistently into Sirius’ life, and Sirius was surprised how much he didn’t want him to leave. He moved out into the kitchen to brew himself a cup of tea to read the letter before Harry woke up and chaos ensued.

_Dear Sirius, _

_ It is good to hear from you. Unfortunately, I will be out of the country for the next couple of days. I will reach out to you when I return, Honeydew. _

_Yours,_   
  
_ Remus Lupin_

Sirius blew on his tea as he read it over again, wondering what sort of thing Remus was traveling outside of Great Britain for. But they would catch up when Remus returned. And he would finally have the opportunity to speak candidly about all of the recent developments that had occurred since the last time that they had been together. 

And that was an interesting thought, that he wanted to speak with somebody. That he wanted to see somebody. Remus Lupin, to be specific.

He swallowed and found that his throat was dry despite the tea that he was drinking. He set it down and let the feelings surround him from every angle. Sex was a funny thing, when there was something behind it. He was off-kilter now, aching for a companionship that he had lived just fine without for years, and that was strange. His whole life was strange. But it was starting to feel like his own, and that was something, wasn’t it?

Harry came running into the kitchen minutes later, but Sirius had completed his stream of thoughts, feeling more settled where they had ended up. After completing their usual morning routine, they flooed back over to the Burrow to drop Harry off so that Sirius could head into work.

“Molly,” Sirius pulled her aside as Harry ran off to join in with whatever mischief the twins were getting into. “I might be a little late tonight.”

“Ah, is it everything going on with… you know.”

“No, no, I just have something personal that I need to do tonight,” he answered vaguely.

“Oh?” Molly perked up slightly with intrigue. “You know that Amelia is still interested if you are ready for that sort of thing now.”

“No,” Sirius laughed, but his voice was decided. “Absolutely not that. Nothing like that.”

Molly nodded. “That’s fine Sirius. We’ll be fine. Arthur is coming home early tonight so it’s not a problem at all, take as much time as you need.” She paused, her face softened even more as she took Sirius in with far too much focus, far too much astuteness for his liking. “It will be okay Sirius.”

Sirius inhaled slowly. It was such an empty promise, such a bandaid to cover up the horror of the unknown. But this wasn’t the place to address it. So instead, he just kiss her on the cheek, turned back to the fireplace, and a few moments later he was stepping back into his office at St. Mungo’s. 

The day crawled by and Sirius’ agitation became all-encompassing, particularly heightened by where he knew he would end up at the end of the day, what he had to do. He tried to keep his irritability and his anxiety controlled, but at times he felt like he was going to combust— like he was looking for an outlet but the only outlet that he wanted was in another country doing something that he had no fucking clue about. But that was Remus business, and Sirius couldn’t avoid his own for any longer than he already had.

When Adolphus left the hospital that night, Sirius knew that the time had come for him to face it. He packed his things away, walked outside of St. Mungo’s, and headed over to the area designated for apparition. He envisioned the small town, the streetlights, the houses — but not _ the _ house — and turned quickly. His body was sucked into the pull of apparition a moment later, the sting of familiarity meeting him immediately as he landed at his new destination. Unwanted memories filed through his mind, but he had fought them for years and this time he let them fill his head, because he couldn’t run for them forever. 

Sirius walked through the graveyard. He had only visited it a couple of times before, maybe just twice after the actual funeral, and both times hadn’t been great experiences. But it felt different this time. This time, he had something to say.

He reached their headstones and stared at them for a while. 1960 - 1981. What a terrible fucking tragedy that was. Sirius closed his eyes tightly and some time passed. Eventually, he opened them again and sat down between their plots.

“Hi James. Hi Lily,” he started softly, one hand lightly feeling at the grass beneath him. It was cold out, and a little wet, but that was fitting. He took a deep breath. “I don’t even know where to start,” he admitted softly.

“Harry is doing well, he’s happy. He is such a good kid, so good. You would be happy, I think. I’m so lucky that he’s so good.” Sirius laughed through his nose, sadly, because everything he had said was so generic. It was small, but at least it got him talking. 

“He’s got Lily’s moderate temperament, which makes things pretty easy for me, thankfully,” he moved on with some simple details as he stretched out his legs in front of him and leaned back onto one hand. “His favorite food is cheese, and he loves carrots too — makes getting him to eat his vegetables not such a chore. Bloody _ obsessed _ with broomsticks. _ Everything _is broomsticks, especially now that I started teaching him how to ride one,” Sirius’ breathy laugh turned into a sigh when he got that feeling again. The one that invaded his body and screamed that he was an imposter whenever he did anything that James should have been the one to do. 

“He asks a lot of questions, but only so that he understands why he’s doing something. Smart questions, got that from Lily, obviously. And then out of the blue he’ll do something that is just so you, James, so completely you that I want to burst out laughing and crying at the same time. Just the other day he walked into my room, hair a total mess, paused at the doorway while I was reading, and said, ‘Excuse me, sir, but are you missing a fish?’ And he pulled a plastic fish _ out of his pocket_. I have no idea where he procured said plastic fish, but there it was, and I don’t think I stopped laughing for a good 15 minutes.”

Sirius took a long, deep breath of chilly end-of-winter air. He should have come here more in the last four years, should have talked to James and Lily more, should have taken Harry here. He vowed to do that more regularly now. On their birthdays. He would make it a tradition. 

“I try to keep you two in his memory as much as I can, for the both of us,” Sirius started again, on that train of thought. “He certainly keeps you in mine — the way he looks at me, his mannerisms, the things he says — he’s being raised by me but he’s still so much your child. And I suppose that makes me love him more, you know? He’s the only thing the world really has left of you now. Him and my memories, but memories aren’t so tangible, are they? So it’s really just Harry, and I’m doing everything the best that I can for him.”

Sirius took a long pause, letting everything that he had been saying out loud fully sink in. He looked around Godric’s Hollow and thought about how life could have played out had things gone differently here four years ago. Visions of Harry growing up with James and Lily flew through his mind that felt beautiful, and yet very strange at the same time. Life had moved on since then, and Sirius had adapted. The trajectory of Harry’s life wasn’t the only one that had been completely rerouted that night. A lamppost flickered on the left side of Sirius’ periphery and he thought about how different _ his _life would have been, and then marveled at how uncomfortable that felt.

“I met someone,” he started again, voice hoarse, and the weight of the words as they left his mouth surprised him. “It’s a bloke. I met a bloke,” he looked around for some reason, to see if anybody could hear him. He thought about laughing at himself for that, but he didn’t have it in him. “I hope that doesn’t change anything James. I can’t imagine that it would, but... well, fears and all that, you know? I know Lily would just love it, especially after all of that shit I pulled at Hogwarts, all those girls I dragged along, she’d find it completely hilarious. I’d never hear the end of it, I’m sure. I _ wish _I was never hearing the end of it.

“He’s special —very special. I can just tell. There’s so much substance to him. And he makes me feel alive. He makes me feel alive for the first time since I,” Sirius felt his voice break and the warmth finally push through his eyes, he was surprised he has lasted this long. He felt a flow of warm tears roll down his face as he remembered the night that had completely changed his life, and the images that would haunt him forever popped back into his mind — but then again, they had never really left so it was more as if they faded back into focus. The night that made him realize that nothing was ever permanent and that a life could go from promising and happy to complete darkness in the utter blink of an eye, “since I found you two lying there lifeless. And heard Harry screaming in the background.”

Sirius felt his head drop into his hands and focused on his breathing. The tears were flowing freely now, and Sirius couldn’t remember a time he had ever cried this much in his entire life. He certainly hadn’t cried like this about James’ and Lily’s death before — he’d gone from losing his best friend to becoming Harry’s only parent in a second, so grieving had always been in the background, something that was ever-present, but never the focus — but now he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to stop. 

“I’ve been alone for so long now, you know? Of course I have Harry, but he’s a child. I can’t put any of this on him.” Sirius shook his head at the idea and wiped a hand across his face. “He deserves a lot better than that. He deserves everything. Like what you two would have given him.

“People keep telling me that things will get better, and I suppose in some ways they have. I enjoy my job, it keeps me busy. Harry is old enough now where he can be somewhat self-sufficient when I need him to be. And Merlin am I grateful for the Molly — she loves Harry so much, Lily, I’m sure that makes you happy. He’s so loved, everybody is crazy about him,” Sirius exhaled slowly, thinking that this was his opportunity to say everything he had held back over the years, and that he needed to take advantage of it. “But it hasn’t gotten better in the other ways that they say that it will — time is never going to heal what I lost. Molly tells me that, people who used to know us all at Hogwarts say that. But it’s been four years now and it hasn’t gotten better.” 

He took a break from speaking for a minute, appreciating the chilly air around him as he allowed himself to better collect his thoughts. But it all felt jumbled anyway.

“It wasn’t just about losing my best friends that night,” Sirius continued on, not sure of where this was going, but he was interested to find out. “It was about the significance of it all, it tore my whole view on life apart. Nobody deserves a death like that... but you and Lily? Fuck. You were the ones who deserved to keep on living the most.” Sirius’ gaze traveled down to the grass. And his fingers began to pluck at it. “Sometimes, when Harry does something that I know you two would love — when he started speaking in sentences, or when he put that bloody chocolate square in Ron’s back pocket, or when he gets up and starts doing the dishes by hand because he wants to make my night easier and hasn’t yet realized that I can do them magically when I want to — I think about how badly I wish I could trade my life for the both of yours. So that you two could be the ones here watching him grow.”

Sirius swallowed and shook his head lightly. “So fine, time has marched on by, I’ve gotten used to it, that dull ache that seems to go everywhere that I do. Maybe it’s guilt mixed in there with the sadness too. I have moments that are better than others, thanks to Harry, but it’s always there.”

He tapped his fingers against the ground now, and when he continued, his voice was stronger. “That’s something that I love about, Remus — that’s his name, by the way, Remus. He doesn’t say empty meaningless things like that when we talk about you. He doesn’t try to make me look on the bright side or repeat those bullshit platitudes that everybody else does.” Sirius looked up, above the graveyard again. Godric’s Hollow felt so different from how he had known it. So calm now, but the air still felt the same. It always would, he expected. “He sees me for who I am _ now_. Not who I was back then. And James, I don’t know how to express how grateful I am for that. I feel like I’ve been living in a shadow of my old life. Of _ our _ old life. People don’t see that a huge part of me died along with the two of you, and I probably won’t be that person that they used to know ever again.

“But when I’m with Remus, that shadow disappears and the only thing left is us, and the person that I am now is enough,” Sirius swallowed, hard this time because there was a significance to saying things out loud, even to somebody who couldn’t hear you. “He treats me normally, he doesn’t walk on eggshells, he doesn’t act like I’m too fragile and might break at the mere mention of your names. And somehow, that has made me want to go on living again — I want to be happier now. For the first time in the longest time, it seems like that’s a possibility. He’s given me a new version of myself, a better one,” he finally said, in a voice that was not his own.

“I suppose that’s what moving on is, though. Adapting and eventually seeing a new version of yourself slowly start to emerge, as different as he is from who he used to be.” Sirius ran his palm lightly over the grass. It felt cold and damp against his skin. Funny how he hadn’t noticed that until this moment. “You would like him, he reminds me of you, Prongs. Self-assured, smart as fuck, and hysterical in a way that is so bloody clever that you have to work for it. And then he has this ass. Fuck,” Sirius sighed, and then laughed at the realization that yes, he was indeed telling his best friend about the glory of another man’s ass. But life was crazy, he had learned, and he wasn’t going to deny anything that made him feel this alive any longer, “I’d rank his ass above Adalia Scales’ and you fucking know that’s nearly a proclamation of true love right there.”

“He just came out of nowhere,” Sirius continued, his voice softer now. “And I don’t even know him that well,” Sirius threw his head back, half in humor, half in frustration, “_but yes I do, James_, _ I know him_. I can feel it, and how bloody crazy does that sound? Everything in my life feels so gray and mundane and then this guy appears with this insane scar across his face — you’d be so impressed by it James, it’s the first thing that went through my head — and he has a fucking tortoise that crawls out to him whenever he eats honeydew.” Sirius laughed again and he probably looked a little crazy, but that didn’t matter. “Honestly, I’m not sure what I like more about the entire situation — everything I’m learning about him or everything that I am learning about myself.”

Sirius let out a long sigh. It was nice to say these things out loud, but his words were met with an empty silence that made a bigger impact than any type of response ever could. And perhaps the fact that Sirius could guess what James and Lily would say made it all worse when he heard nothing at all. He laid down fully on his back now, exhausted. The night sky was fully dark and the stars were visible, and Sirius liked that. The vast expanse of a universe he would never fully understand worked to calm him down, to put things into perspective. His breathing slowed down again, and he didn’t feel so alone anymore.

“He calls me ‘Dad’ now, you know? Harry does,” Sirius spoke again, to the sky now, and it felt like James and Lily could hear him. “I tried to make it something different, but he’s been insistent. And what am I supposed to tell him now? That I’m not his dad? That he doesn’t have a dad anymore?” He huffed and saw his breath in the air in front of him. “No. I can’t do that to him. Nobody is supposed to love you more than your dad, and nobody loves Harry more than I do, James. No one living.”

Sirius’ turned his neck and his gaze moved to the graves beside him, behind him, surrounding him from every direction. He wondered how many of them were for people who had died too young like James and Lily had. He thought about how much he wished he could change the past, but that was a rabbit hole that he had learned long ago led to nowhere good. The present, however, and the future, that was worth thinking about it.

“Voldemort’s alive,” he said. Finally. He’d been waiting to say it the whole time, putting it off. “It’s the last thing I ever wanted to have to tell you two. Dumbledore is on it, though, always one step ahead, it seems. He is confident that he has the right information. Horcruxes. Dark shit. Scary shit. But at least we know, at least we can do something about it. That’s what I’m telling myself, because the alternative is…” Sirius stopped talking for a long moment. There were no words to complete that sentence and he let it drop off completely because nothing would ever express how horrific it would be. 

“I like to act like some kind of god exists,” he started instead, voice louder now. “That there’s a greater plan ahead. That everything fucked up that happened here has some reason behind it. I have to believe that, otherwise I don’t think I could go on living.”

He sighed sadly. “I won’t allow your deaths to be in vain, it doesn’t matter what it costs. I think you always knew I would feel that way, didn’t you?” Sirius pushed his palms into his eyes and pressed into them firmly until shapes began to dance around the pitch black behind his eyelids. “It changed the course of my life, gave me a purpose. And it’s scary as shit now, after everything that happened and could happen again. But it’s my purpose, and in a way it’s exciting that I will be the one fighting, harder than anybody else, to stop it all. Because even though the entire wizarding world is threatened, I am the person with the most at stake.” 

It was getting late, but Sirius felt free lying in the grass with no one else around except the memories of his two best friends. Free and open and healthy, if that made any sense at all. He heard an owl in the background and the sound sent a shiver up his spine.

“I guess what I’m saying is that, if the two of you are worried about me, you don’t need to worry anymore. And you don’t need to worry about Harry, that’s my job now. I hope you can rest peacefully knowing that,” Sirius concluded with a nod, hoping that all of his words had brought them as much peace as they had brought himself.

But they were gone now, and he was still here. He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and looked up at the stars again. Brighter than London but nowhere nearly as beautiful as they had been in the Forest. He wondered if he would ever be able to look up at the stars again without recalling that night with Remus. He took a guess that he wouldn’t. And as he traced the constellations with his eyes, thinking about how Remus had broken him down so completely, how Remus had somehow seem him behind the stoic exterior that he presented to the world, he realized that he was beyond grateful that it was laced into his memory forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Friday rolled around quickly, and Sirius had still heard nothing from Remus. He wondered vaguely if he should try to reach out again, but an instinct in the back of his mind told him that that there wouldn’t be a response even if he did. Things had calmed down after the news of Voldemort had broken. Even though it had only been a couple of days, information was being discovered quickly, and Sirius knew that measures were already being taken to address it all. And to protect Harry.

He hoped that Remus was okay. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a brown owl tapping at his office window. He jumped up quickly, hoping to find a note from Remus but instead recognized the writing immediately as Dumbledore’s. He felt his entire face furrow in disappointment, and then he chastised himself because he had important work to finish.

_ Dear Sirius, _

_ I believe we have extracted all of the information that we can right now. Attached is some information about horcruxes and the type of magic attached to them. This should help you better understand the magical “DNA” that the healers were able to identify from the infection in Barnes’ bloodstream. I believe much of the information about horcruxes should stay private for now as I believe Harry may be an integral piece of the puzzle. _

_ Speaking of Harry, perhaps we should meet soon. That will give us a more private opportunity to speak more freely. I have gathered a bit of information that is worth sharing, and have plans to continue searching for more. _

_Best,_   
_ Albus Dumbledore  
Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Sirius felt sick. This was a good thing, he knew that it was, but he felt sick nonetheless. He always would, he was sure, at least until Voldemort was defeated for good. He just hoped if they got an early enough handle on it all, it could end before everything became too messy.

“Sirius,” Sirius looked up to see Emmeline peeking her head into the door of his office. “We have a problem over in Room 1-08.”

“What’s wrong?” Sirius looked up and felt his face turn into concern when he saw the paleness of Emmeline’s face. After that fucking Tammy Bridgewater fiasco and now Emerson Barnes, Sirius couldn’t handle any more bad news. Not for another two years at the very least.

“There’s a very beat up werewolf—"

“But the full moon was,” Sirius paused to check his calendar, “it was two nights ago.”

“He apparated in front of the entrance about 30 minutes ago. We just admitted him and I went in for the initial checkup and it’s… it’s bad,” Emmeline let him know and Sirius noticed that her hands were fiddling nervously with the hem of her cloak.

“You know the correct potions and salves, though, correct? The charms for sealing the wounds to avoid any infections from settling in? I don’t see what the problem is.”

“It’s just that it is quite extreme, Sirius. I’d feel better if you took a look at him, assess that I did everything correctly,” she continued, and her eyes were pleading now.

Sirius stood up, uncertain of what could be so out of the ordinary. Werewolves faced a lot of discrimination in the world. But in St. Mungo’s, healers were trained to see them as normal patients. However, Emmeline was new, he reminded himself. Perhaps this was the first time she had treated one on her own, so he would take it easy on her. Teach her to be better.

“Thank you, Sirius,” she said with relief as she turned and led the way to the patient’s room. 

They remained quiet as they walked there, and when they reached the doorway of Room 1-08, Sirius was met with a vibrant strike of red that shone brightly in contrast to the white walls and white bed sheets of the hospital. At least Emmeline wasn’t exaggerating. The wounds really were _ that _bad.

“Bloody hell,” Sirius muttered, and then clamped his mouth shut because the words were far too accurate for comfort. He coughed. “Tell me what we know so far,” he demanded.

“Patient was found in the apparition area outside of the hospital, unconscious, completely covered in blood. As you can see, he is covered in what looks like animal-inflicted wounds, most noticeable are the scratch wounds sliced all over his body. The ones that are his neck seem to be where the most blood loss has occurred. Multiple broken ribs, broken tibia, br—”

“We don’t know where he has been since the full moon? Why he didn’t come in the morning after?”

“No. But we do know that he, or somebody else, applied some homemade salves and took a anti-blood loss potion. It probably saved his life, but I imagine he was in an extreme amount of pain.”

“No doubt,” Sirius grumbled as he took a step closer, focused on the large gash on the man’s calf. “And for a long time too. Amazing that he was able to apparate in this condition. What else?”

“Like I said, we found him unconscious, but we also gave him an additional sleeping drought. So he should be out for the next eight hours. Broken bones were healed by _ Brackium Emendo._” Emmeline paused and filed through the papers on the clipboard, looking for any more relevant information. “And then the basic info of course, we were able to find him in the system, he was admitted once before, but years ago. Twenty-six-year-old male werewolf, name, Remus John Lupin—“

“What?” Sirius whipped his head back at her, and then thought better of it, and moved his gaze to the head of the bed for the first time since he had entered into the room.

And there was Remus. His face was bruised and bloody and swollen, but there he was, and many moments began to click together in his mind. The scars, the limp, the animalistic sense he spoke about, the ease with which he navigated the Forest. It was all amplified now. The bastard had even told him the scar across his face had come from a werewolf. Sirius laughed because, well… that was just so Remus, to completely hide in plain sight — not even hiding it at all. 

A frown immediately replaced the laugh that faded away when Remus’ condition began to sink in. What the fuck had even happened here? Werewolf transformations were awful, but Sirius determined that Remus had been dealing with these for a while now. The map of faded scars revealed that this was not a recent development. So what had made this transformation so extreme? There’s no way his body could endure this level of destruction once a month every month. Sirius pushed Remus’ hair off his forehead, and then thought better of it and took a step away from his bed and clicked his brain back into healer mode. 

“Keep him on heavy surveillance, don’t go any longer than 30 minutes without checking in on him to make sure that the healing potions are being accepted by his body. Administer a blood replenishing potion if you haven’t already along with the standard werewolf post-transformation treatments. Don’t increase the dosage just yet, because that increases the risk of complications, and in his weakened state that could be fatal for him.” Sirius paused and thought about other cases like this he had seen before. He had never seen one this bad, but something did ring familiar in his mind. 

“He probably has been on a monthly dose of Wolfsbane every month, but either the potion was brewed incorrectly this time, or he didn’t take it at all.” He looked over at Emmeline to make sure that she was taking all of this in and jotting it down into Remus’ patient file. “That’s the highest likelihood of why the transformation was extreme this time. It’s really lucky, or smart, actually, that he had a stash of potions and salves with him. He’d be dead by now if he hadn’t, by infection alone if blood loss didn’t do it first.”

“Okay,” Emmeline nodded and then repeated back everything that Sirius just ordered for the treatment. “And continuous surveillance.”

“Yes, I believe it is imperative. I’ll be checking in as well since this is such an… extreme case,” he said as he glanced another look back to Remus’ face. He cast a quick cleansing spell, _ Tergeo_, to clean him up, and though the dried blood disappeared, he still looked horrible. “There you go, now we can tell if the bleeding has been fully stopped.”

“Alright, I think I have got it. Thank you,” she answered, scribbling down a note.

“Okay,” Sirius drawled, his eyes drawn back to Remus like a magnetic pull. “Bandage him up. Use the spell to avoid any discomfort to him, but check the wounds every couple of hours manually. I will check as well whenever I make my rounds. Don’t hesitate to come back with any questions about this one, it was good that you came to be in the first place.”

“How long do you think it should take for him to show progress?” Emmeline asked, sounding less nervous now.

“Not too long, I can already see it starting now. I can’t imagine it getting worse. The wounds are terrible but they aren’t infected and the bleeding has seemed to stop, which means that his body is reacting well to the potions. I would guess that in two hours the wounds will begin to close with all the magic we have thrown at them,” Sirius eyes flickered back to the gash along his neck. “Although, werewolf wounds can always be unpredictable. He’ll probably need to be here for at least two nights.”

Emmeline nodded, and Sirius knew her well enough to know that she was holding something back.

“What?” he asked patiently.

She coughed. “Is this the right ward for him?” Sirius raised his eyebrows and she elaborated quickly. “With him being a werewolf and all? I just don’t know what the protocol is.”

Sirius took a long slow breath and bit down on his lip to keep a calm exterior. She was new, he reminded himself, and on top of that, he didn’t want to give anything away. “I don’t care what the protocol is. You must realize that there is nothing dangerous, nothing infectious about him, yes? You are a healer after all?”

“Yes,” she answered, her face flushed now.

“While he’s under my care, this is where he belongs,” Sirius instructed as he moved to the doorway, thinking that the room felt far too small for the three of them. He muttered a quick spell and Remus’ vitals showed up on the clipboard he was carrying, updating in real time. “I’ll be on the floor if you need me,” he concluded before heading back to his office. 

Sirius closed his office door and rested his back against it as he rubbed at his eyes. This was a lot, and it seemed to be happening all at once. Add one more to the pile, he laughed quietly at the absurdity of it all. When it rains it fucking pours, his life had turned into one big cliche. 

He exhaled a long breath of air. He needed to take a moment to himself, to let all of this sink in. Remus was here, looking like he had just barely escaped from a muggle horror movie. It was hard to think. But he had to be logical about this, which wasn’t going to be as difficult as he might have thought since the number one priority was the man’s health. Man. Werewolf. Man. Remus. 

Everyone has their own fucking problems, Sirius thought, problems that they carry silently and suffer through alone. He was no stranger to that, he’d kept all of his pain to himself until the previous week when Remus practically forced it out of him. Remus was no stranger to it either, and Sirius felt a pull at his heart because he felt for the other man. Sirius knew what it was like to have to disguise himself every day of his life. And it was suddenly so clear how purely Remus had understood him from the moment they started talking next to the Great Lake at Hogwarts. He had fucking known it all and Sirius had known absolutely nothing, not even about himself. 

But now he did. 

It was fucking crazy how much could happen in the span of 10 days. 

He pulled out another piece of parchment, it felt like the right thing to do, and began scrawling another letter for Fiona. It was still early enough in the day that it would reach the destination in time. 

_ Molly, _

_ I will need to spend the night in the hospital tonight because one of my patients is in critical condition. Given the publicity that St. Mungo’s has been receiving this past week (and after the Tally Bridgewater debacle), I think it is best that I keep an eye on the patient tonight. He should be out of critical condition in the morning, and I will pick Harry up then. _

_ I hope the short notice isn’t a nuisance, but you have made the offer before and I’m hoping that I can take you up on it tonight. Thank you so much, let me know if this is a problem for you, and of course I will make other plans. If I don’t hear back from you, I will assume that everything is alright. _

_ Sincerely, _ _  
_

_Sirius Black_   
_ Healer at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries  
Creature Induced Injuries Ward, First Floor_

Sirius wrapped up the letter, and started yet another trip to the seventh floor. He made a mental note to stop by Gringott’s that weekend to grab enough cash to pay Molly, and some extra for everything he had been putting her through later. Harry would enjoy the trip, he loved going into the vault, although Sirius would have to make sure that he didn’t make any more rude comments to the goblins this time. They didn’t take well to their noses being laughed at by a five-year-old, no matter how famous or adorable he was. 

Sirius felt a rush of relief when Fiona flew off with the letter, and he decided to go pay Remus another visit, even if it had barely been 30 minutes since he had left his room. It was overkill, he knew, to spend the night monitoring Remus, but Sirius certainly didn’t want him to wake up alone. 

He walked past his office once he made his way back to the first floor and turned his sights back on Room 1-08. When he entered, he was relieved to see that 30 minutes had made a noticeable difference. Sirius sent a silent prayer up to the sky in gratitude of magic. It may not have the power to fix all things, but this was one that it could help. 

Remus looked more peaceful now, and Sirius felt a pang of guilt while he looked down at him, as if he were intruding on something too personal. But his was a big part of Sirius’ job, he looked after unconscious patients every day. However, watching Remus lie in the small hospital bed bed like this — knocked out by a sleeping draught, wounds having been exposed before they had been bandaged a minute later — felt just as personal as their night in the forest together. 

But Remus must have known, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Sirius would be there when he had chosen to apparate to St. Mungo’s. He had had the wherewithal to apparate, so Sirius was convinced that he had known this too. 

Sirius pulled one of the chairs in the room over next to Remus’ side. He had a little bit of privacy before Emmeline would do her next check.

“You knew all my fucking secrets from the moment you looked at me, and it turns out you were hiding one too,” Sirius laughed softly, feeling that laughter was more appropriate now given Remus’ improved state. “Not that you were hiding it though, because I don’t think that you were. It was right there in front of my face the entire time, wasn’t it?” Sirius bit down on his lip as his eyes traced the scar across Remus’ sleeping face. The man was beautiful, bruises and cuts and all.

“I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this every month,” he continued breathily. “And it must a bit strange to have me here, talking to you while you sleep. But actually, it doesn’t feel strange at all for me. You are the one who has insisted that you know me so well. I believe you now, and I think that I know you too.”

A crowd of people walked by, the trainees on a tea break probably, and Sirius collected his thoughts until they were back out of hearing distance again. He found that the privacy was much needed. 

“I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again,” Sirius pushed Remus’ hair off of his face for the second time that evening and couldn’t suppress another thought about how handsome the man was. Sirius hadn’t exactly let himself think that before. It had felt so foreign to be attracted to a man. But he was, very much so, and it was more than physical, which was completely barmy considering how long they had known each other. But stranger things had happened and Sirius wasn’t going to give it a second thought.

“I was getting worried, actually,” Sirius continued, still keeping his voice quiet, but he was speaking more freely now. “That I hadn’t heard from you. Although,” Sirius chuckled softly again, “this wasn’t what I was hoping to find when I finally got to see you again. This is rather horrific. One of the worst things I have ever seen,” he sighed. “I wish I could fix it for you. For good.”

He leaned in closer to Remus, his body succumbing to the pull. “I went to James’ and Lily’s grave a couple of nights ago. I haven’t been able to do that since the first year that they were murdered. It always felt impossible and I was able to come up with one excuse after another. But it’s important, isn’t it? For Harry, and I think it’s important for me too.”

Sirius’ eyes took him in, realizing that this was a moment that he could fully appreciate the other man’s face. His face was far less swollen now — soft and lean, boyish yet manly, so many contradictions that were perfectly Remus — and Sirius was sure that the scars covering his body held many stories that he would like to know when the timing was better. 

“I think you’re important too. I’m sure I could spew out some reasons why, but… mostly I just feel it. Like a buzzing whenever you are close to me. Like no matter what shit is thrown at me, at Harry, no matter what we are going to have to endure from here on out, it’s nice to know that there is somebody out there who seems to understand me. And fuck, I know that’s rare. Somehow, just knowing that makes everything a lot more manageable.”

Sirius reached his hand up to rest on Remus’ — one of the only places on his body that was free from scarring or wounds or bruises. Sirius’ fingers drew on top of it gently, and he wondered, just for a brief moment, if Remus could hear what he was saying. And then he laughed himself because he knew for certain that he could not.

“Anyway, I would like to talk to you again, in circumstances better than this. I’m more grounded now, than the last time. Not that it wasn’t bloody fantastic,” Sirius laughed again, and wondered how ridiculous he must look laughing over somebody’s hospital bed. “There’s a lot we could talk about, I know that now. It’s like you broke down this wall inside of me and now things are so much clearer. Now I find myself _ wanting _things. Which I haven’t in the longest time. And I find myself wanting you, Remus, and I know that is reciprocated. You weren’t just fucking around with me, trying to set me off,” Sirius paused for a moment to reflect on all of their interactions. All of the comments that seemed to come out of nowhere, like bombs dropping down on Sirius that he never expected, especially not from a stranger. “No, you’re a strange one… really, you’re quite strange. You and that tortoise of yours. It’s rather wonderful.”

Sirius’ hand moved up a bit to stroke at the soft part of Remus’ forearm now, the skin mottled with bruising, so he kept it gentle, feather-light. “I think I could learn a lot from you and your strangeness actually. When life is fucking terrible, when there is distress all around, it’s nice to appreciate the small things. Like a tortoise named Lunchbucket thinking that your robes are actually made of melons. I see how funny it is now, even if I didn’t in the moment. And fuck,” Sirius shook his head with realization, “that’s so important for Harry and me. I don’t want to get so overwhelmed with everything from my past that I miss out on everything great that I do have. Those will be the best moments of my life and I would be a giant arse to let them slip on by while living in a haze of the mundane.”

He stared at Remus for a minute, not exactly taking him in, but to rest his mind, and then lifted his hand away and sat back in the chair, feeling lighter than he had in a while. It was complicated — his life kept getting more and more so — but there was a lot of good going on too.

“It’s like you’re my fucking therapist,” Sirius laughed as he continued to ramble to Remus, or more likely it was just himself, “except you led me to realize everything in the week and a half leading up to our session together and now I’m just sitting here talking at you while you’re silent. Fuck, I must sound bloody crazy,” Sirius muttered as he stood up and moved the chair back over to the corner of the room. “I’ve been doing a lot of this lately, talking to people who can’t hear me. Talking to myself.”

He walked back to the bedside, his mind clicking back into healer-mode and laid a flat hand on Remus’ forehead. The biggest threat remained infection now, but Remus didn’t feel too hot and none of the other indicators were blaring either. Sirius checked the bandages. The bleeding had definitely slowed down and everything seemed to be going the best it could given the circumstances. 

“Well, everything looks great,” Sirius said, barely above a whisper, “I guess I will let you sleep now. I don’t know how much I would appreciate it if somebody were watching me sleep the entire time that I was in a hospital. But I will check on you regularly. Hopefully be here when you wake up.”

Sirius nodded his head, as if putting a period on the matter, and went back to his office to plan out what he would do for the rest of the day and into the night. He had some patient matters to attend to, which would keep him busy, and his paper to finish now that he had the rest of the information from Dumbledore. He was going to write it as factually as he could in an effort to incite as little mania as a subject involving the potential return of Voldemort could, and hope that it provided enough detail to help others identify similar cases to Emerson’s when they inevitably came up again. The healing community hadn’t yet figured out how to treat it, that would be the most difficult challenge going forward, but this was a start. 

Day turned into night, and Sirius got his work done. The paper was nearly finished and Sirius had healed a particularly nasty attack from a zouwu in the Scottish Highlands. Remus was improving steadily, right on schedule, and eventually Sirius transfigured the couch in his office into a small bed for him to rest on. 

Sirius had become good at getting little snippets of sleep whenever he could, that was part of being a healer and working long shifts, and he found that he enjoyed being at St. Mungo’s at night. It was quieter, calmer, and something about the darkness outside and the knowledge that the rest of the world was sleeping instilled a sense of peace inside of him. If it weren’t for Harry, he might have preferred night shifts altogether. 

Remus would be waking up soon, he thought as he closed his eyes. The sleeping draught would wear off, and he would wake up, and Sirius hoped that Remus wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about everything that had happened while he had been unconscious. Remus wasn’t one to be ashamed of many things, that’s not who he was, and the thought of that was comforting to Sirius as he drifted into a light sleep. 

Darkness and large pine trees and the smell of moss and bright hazel eyes invaded Sirius’ thoughts as he slept. It was comfortable and it was comforting. A drastic change from the images that had haunted his dreams consistently for years, images that he would be stupid to think were totally behind him now, but at least a beautiful respite had emerged to begin to balance them out. 

He woke up feeling warm and disoriented, weighed down by the feeling that he had slept for longer than he intended. The sky outside his window confirmed that he had, the dark blue hue a shade or two lighter than the black of night. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled as clearness of thought began to leak back in. He hadn’t been scheduled for the night shift, so nobody had been by to wake him up for anything. 

He quickly got out of bed and went to the private loo down the hall to throw some water on his face and swish some mouthwash. When he had determined that he didn’t look like he had just woken up, Sirius made his way to Remus’ room. He would have woken up by now, probably two to three hours ago. 

Sirius was glad it was still early enough where the halls weren’t buzzing with the morning shift of healers beginning their days, but that wouldn’t last much longer. He grabbed a quick cup of tea and made his way to Room 1-08, feeling a bit off center, and he wasn’t sure if that was from the fact that he had only been awake for approximately eight minutes, or if it was the surrealness of finding out that the man who had had his mouth around Sirius’ cock only a week ago was a werewolf, and his patient, and horribly wounded. Yeah, it was probably the latter. 

Before he knew it, Sirius was a couple of steps outside of Remus’ room. The final time that Sirius had checked on him the night prior, the wounds had begun to close and Sirius expected that by now, the first layer of skin would have completely grown over. The pain shouldn’t be an issue given the numbing salves, and Remus should be rested, and hopefully in good spirits. 

Sirius took a deep breath, turned the corner of the room, and did a double take when he was met with a much different picture than he had expected. The bed was empty. The sheets were disheveled. And Remus was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

It hadn’t been too difficult to get ahold of Remus once he had fled from St. Mungo’s, which had come to Sirius’ great surprise and relief. Sirius owled him the night he had left, thinking to himself that he would just floo over to Hogwarts if he didn’t get a timely response from Remus, but received an owl back the next morning letting him know that the other man was alright. He had just wanted to get back to his own bed apparently.

But there was something else, there had to be when Remus’ presumably biggest secret had been just laid out in front of Sirius like that. Sirius hoped that it did not change anything. He hoped it wouldn’t change how they acted around each other and the way that Remus treated him, so sure and outlandish and frustrating, the way that Sirius had grown to appreciate deeply. But how could it not?

Another week passed, and Sirius was dying to see Remus again, but he knew that he would have to take the initiative after Remus’ quick disappearance from St. Mungo’s. Work had been busy, and everything going on outside of St. Mungo’s was even busier. The herbalogist, now identified as Ministry worker Daphne Trout, had been taken into questioning about her time in eastern Europe with Emerson Barnes. Hopefully that would prove fruitful; however, the investigation was being led by the Ministry, so Sirius didn’t place too much gravity there. But he remained hopeful that things had changed.

On Wednesday, Harry asked to spend the night at Ron’s again on Friday night because, apparently, the weekend was when “we do more funner things, Dad.” Sirius had answered in the affirmative because on top of wanting Harry to experience the “more funner things” in life, having Harry away for an entire night made seeing Remus so much easier to pull off.

After giving Harry permission, he drafted another letter to give to Fiona once he got to work Thursday morning. He was going to keep it simple and quick. They could talk about everything else when he and Remus were finally in the same room together again.

_ Remus, _

_ Harry will be staying at the Weasley’s again this Friday night. Come over to my flat. Any time after 6pm. The floo will be open. _

_ Sirius_

He didn’t ask for a response. he hadn’t asked a question, after all. And he certainly did not anticipate Remus coming up with an excuse not to show up. So Sirius just assumed that he would see Remus that Friday night and try to get through the next two days as quickly as he could. 

And he did make it through quickly, thanks to a combination of emergencies at the hospital and a particularly heated argument between Harry and Ron involving a vomit-flavored jelly bean that Sirius had to help smooth over. With all that, Friday rolled around in no time and by 5:30pm, Sirius left work and made his way back to his flat. He didn’t know what time Remus would show up, but whether it was going to be 6pm or 11pm didn’t matter, Sirius would be ready for him.

By 7pm, Sirius had opened up his floo channel, showered, and started to clean the entire flat — using a mix of various spells and his own manual labor to pass the time. The flat was clean already, it always was given the oddly strict cleaning habits Sirius had magically developed with he became a parent, but the monotony of the process gave Sirius’ mind something to fixate on until Remus arrived. He headed to his bedroom to make sure that everything was in order and perked up when he heard the sound of footsteps against the wooden floor boards of his living room. Finally.

Sirius walked out of his bedroom and found Remus standing there, dusting himself off in front of the fireplace. He looked much improved from the five days ago that Sirius had been at the hospital, and Sirius leaned against the doorway to take him in. The gash on his neck was healing nicely, but it would add yet another permanent scar to the collection already spanning his entire body. Remus either heard or sensed where Sirius was standing, and looked up to meet his gaze. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes from what Sirius imagined was caused by a combination of exhaustion and stress, but that glint in his eyes was still there. Unmistakeable. And then Sirius felt that pull again.

“You look like shit,” Sirius supplied moderately, but it took quite a bit of effort, and Remus cracked a smile.

“You should see the other bloke,” Remus answered and Sirius laughed at the silliness of it all.

“Would you like some tea?” Sirius asked with a nod in the direction of the kitchen.

“I would love some,” Remus nodded. “Thank you.”

Sirius fought the magnetic pull he felt towards Remus, to touch him and make sure that he was okay. To make sure that he was really here in his living room, like he didn’t trust his own sight or something. Sirius made his way into the kitchen instead and busied himself with grabbing a couple of mugs and loose leaf tea. 

“Do you even think about how ridiculous it is,” Remus started as he followed Sirius in the direction of the kitchen, leaning a hip against the table across from it, “that we have all of this magical power and we still do so much with our hands.” 

“I used to,” Sirius laughed, “when I was at Hogwarts. And of course the Pod hates it when he has to clean his own room, he cannot comprehend why I wouldn’t just use magic — no matter how many times I mention anything about ‘building character’ or ‘entitlement’—“

Remus cut in, “‘The Pod’?”

Sirius chuckled as he began to pour the boiling water into the mugs, “Harry. He pronounces his name ‘Harry Podder’.”

“Ah, of course,” Remus conceded, the smile on his face giving his voice a wispy quality.

“So it was only natural that he would become Podder, and then ‘the Podder’—”, Sirius tried to continue.

“And ‘the Pod’ was the only logical final destination,” Remus finished.

“Exactly, I’m glad you see it too,” Sirius laughed as he moved to hand Remus the mug. “But then I got older and realized how fleeting that is, when everything is too easy because of magic,” he clarified after the topic whiplash. “How much more I appreciate things when they are done by hand. It’s good for my brain,” Sirius looked up at Remus and the small smile on the side of his face made him shake his head. “But you know that.”

Remus hummed and Sirius watched as his fingers dragged along the table. 

“Why didn’t you take Wolfsbane Potion this month?” Sirius asked directly.

Remus sighed, but it was more theatrical than genuine. “I missed a dose one night,” he looked up pointedly and Sirius knew. “I got complacent. Let myself get distracted.”

“You idiot,” Sirius sighed out, because Remus had been one. Aconite was extremely poisonous. It was not something to fuck around with, no matter what other plans he may have had in the Forest that night.

Remus hummed with unbothered agreement. “And as I’m sure you are aware, when you miss one dose of the week, it rather fucks everything else up.”

“It has to be perfectly administered, yes. No wonder you went through hell,” Sirius rubbed his face with his hand. Remus would have been better off had he taken no dosage of Wolfsbane at all. “So why did you check yourself out so quickly? Or let me amend my question, because I’m not quite sure an official check out actually occurred. Why did you _ flee _ from the hospital, ignoring every healers’ recommendation?”

Remus smiled with satisfaction, like he always did when Sirius dropped his mask of propriety, when Sirius showed any sign of emotion, and Sirius laughed through his nose at how much younger it immediately made him look.

“I’m not too fond of hospitals,” he said before taking the first sip of his tea, eye contact still held strong. “I’m sure you can understand why.”

“But you knew I was there,” Sirius replied, not as a question.

“I didn’t like it,” Remus answered, but it wasn’t really an answer at all.

Sirius took a drink of his own tea, eyebrows raised, but felt that push and pull between them that always seemed to charge their interactions. He said nothing. And he enjoyed the silence as they held each others’ gazes. Waiting it out.

Remus raised his eyebrows back. 

Sirius blinked. 

Remus smiled again.

And Sirius broke.

He put his tea down on the counter, and in a couple of swift steps, he took Remus’ mug from his hands and set it down on the table. Sirius didn’t hesitate, but moved purposefully, placing his hands on either side of Remus’ face, thumb stroking once at the corner of his mouth — the corner that was always the first to turn up into a smile — before his fingers pushed themselves into his hair. 

And then Sirius saw it, the tiniest shred of uncertainty — or was it nervousness — in Remus’ eyes. He had never seen that before, and it nearly broke and warmed his heart all within the exact same moment. He took one more step towards Remus now, chests pressed against each other. Sirius enjoyed that he felt more comfortable in the moment than Remus — which he thought perhaps was a once in a lifetime opportunity — and leaned his head in to close the small gap between their lips.

Sirius felt a sigh push into his mouth as Remus reciprocated the kiss, and Sirius moved one of his hands down to his lower back, as if to hold him up. Remus was strong, Sirius knew that. Perhaps he was a little weaker now than the last time they had seen each other, but he was still bloody strong. Yet he leaned into Sirius, as if the support was essential, necessary. 

Sirius kissed him as gently as he could muster, given how much he wanted to push forward and beyond this. Remus was still healing, he knew that, but Sirius could sense with certainty that more so than that, he felt off-center. And that wasn’t something that he was used to. But Remus molded to him, letting Sirius lead, which was a miracle all in itself. 

Kissing Remus was an experience, one that Sirius felt throughout his entire body like an electric current. His lips were soft and eager, and as he pushed into Sirius’ mouth, a low hum was pushed into Remus’ in return. The word ‘alive’ sprung into Sirius’ mind as the current surged through him again.

“You don’t care?” Remus asked as he pulled away a minute later, his voice breathless and uncharacteristically smaller.

“Of course I don’t care,” Sirius ducked his head down into the crook of Remus’ neck as he answered, his hand pulling Remus’ sweater aside as he found the curve of his shoulder particularly interesting.

“I didn’t want you to find out like that,” Remus murmured, and Sirius wanted to shake him.

“It’s fine,” Sirius moved his mouth up to Remus’ ear to whisper instead. He felt Remus shiver and the hand on his back pulled him ever closer. They were both hard now and Sirius swallowed down a groan.

“I wanted to tell you myself,” Remus continued.

“Remus. I understand,” Sirius said with as much sincerity in his voice as he could muster. He pulled his head back to look at the other man straight on, gluing their gazes together pointedly. “It doesn’t matter to me. Plus, you practically told anyway.”

Remus closed the gap between them this time, and Sirius was caught a little by surprise by how quickly his demeanor changed. The uncharacteristic timidness had disappeared and Sirius gave himself silent accolades for apparently having said the right words to quell him, to bring him back to his normal self. Comfortable. Shameless. Aggressive. 

“Fuck me,” Remus said into Sirius’ mouth as his hands pushed roughly underneath his shirt. “I want you to fuck me,” he repeated, his tone laced with frustration and something like anger, but Sirius knew better. 

“I want to fuck you, so badly. I’m been thinking about it all fucking week,” Sirius answered, his voice gravelly. He shoved a hand forcefully down beneath the back of Remus’ trousers, beneath his pants as well. It was a tight fit, but he managed to push a couple of fingers into the cleft of his arse, and let them drag up and down along his entrance. 

“I’ve been thinking about it for a lot longer than that,” he managed to mumble before he bit down on Sirius’ lip, and Sirius cried out as he wondered if Remus had drawn blood. He moved his face to kiss a trail along Sirius’ neck as a thumb came up and stroked gently where his teeth had been a moment before. Sirius vaguely wondered for a moment who was in control here, but it really wasn’t that much of a mystery.

But Sirius kept his fingers moving, more sure now, to make it clear that Remus was still going to have to put up a fight. 

“So how do you want me?” Remus whispered into Sirius’ ear and Sirius groaned as visions from the forest came rushing back to him.

“Let’s go to the bedroom,” Sirius responded, surprising himself. But things were different now, there was more between them even though only a small amount of time had passed. Things had changed, and Sirius wanted something that fit that now.

“Alright,” Remus murmured, hands beginning to play with the jeans that Sirius was wearing. “I think you may need to take your fingers off my arse, but I promise it won’t be for long,” he nipped again at Sirius’ mouth, which had turned slack again. “Lead the way.”

Sirius coughed and realized that Remus was right, unglued himself from Remus’ jeans, and turned in the direction of his bedroom. He pulled his shirt off on the way there, letting in fall on the living room floor, and worked his jeans open next. He pulled them off completely when he got into the bedroom, leaving him in only his boxers, and turned around to see Remus follow him inside the room, in a similar state of dress. Or more accurately, a similar state of undress. 

Remus didn’t pause, or hesitate, and instead strode right over to Sirius, enveloping him into his arms immediately. Sirius pulled him closer in response, finding that the tight press of their bodies, and the friction that came along with it, was intoxicating. There was something about Remus’ skin, his scars, the lithe muscles that weren’t very visible except when he was naked, that made everything else in Sirius’ mind fall away completely. And it left only the deep need to feel the other man against him, in every capacity possible.

They resumed kissing, more frantic this time, as this was what they had wanted it to be all along, and Sirius wondered if he would ever get enough of Remus’ skin against his own. He didn’t think so. He was lost in it all, and he barely registered that Remus had pulled both of their pants down to the ground until he had grabbed Sirius’ cock in his hand and began that precise rhythm that jolted Sirius back to full consciousness.

“Get—” Sirius’ breath hitched when Remus’ fingers began to trace the head of his cock, and he took a moment to recollect his thoughts. “Get on the bed.” 

But Sirius didn’t let go of his hold on the other man, and maneuvered their bodies over to the foot of the bed together, with Remus’ back turned to the bed. Sirius pushed him back down onto it, and let Remus shimmy himself up it before Sirius crawled over and positioned himself on top of him. 

“Is this how you want me?” Remus smirked as he spread his legs further apart and bent them at the knee, allowing Sirius to situate himself between them. He moved his arms up above and his hands grasped at the headboard behind him, stretching his body out and overwhelming Sirius completely. Sirius took a moment to take him all in, laid out for him like that, the translucent scars covering his body, his cock hard and erect against his stomach. Just waiting until Sirius decided what he wanted to do with him. It was all so easy, so shameless, and Sirius was so fucking fucked.

“Is it?” Remus prodded him again as one of his legs curled around Sirius’ back and his heel tapped against Sirius’ arse. 

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed as he moved his hand swiftly to the swell of Remus’ arse, grasping at it firmly as he continued taking it all in. “This is good.” He shifted himself back to sit on his heels and slid his hand from Remus’ arse, up his thigh, and rested it under the bend in his knee.

He moved his other hand onto Remus’ cock and wrapped his fingers around it, loosely to start, and gave him one slow stroke as he lifted Remus’ leg with his other hand and rested it on his shoulder. He gave the bone on Remus’ ankle a quick kiss before focusing his gaze on what his other hand was doing.

Remus was watching him, Sirius felt it more than he saw it, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from where they were rested now. It was a lot, being in this position with Remus beneath him. The dynamics were overwhelming, Remus more submissive to him, but Sirius knew that it was only because it was what Remus wanted. He was still the one in control. And Sirius liked that, relished in this experience, because it had Remus in a position that he was sure he had only allowed few others, if any, to see before. And there was something about it all, as if an invisible veil had transcended upon them and they were the only two people in the world.

Sirius gave Remus’ cock a few more light strokes, only a primer for now, and let his hand drag downward, listening to the quickening of Remus’ breath as a direct result. Sirius was sure that Remus was enjoying watching his own reaction as he took this all in, but Sirius couldn’t imagine that any sight was better than where his gaze was landing now, as his dry fingers grazed back over Remus’ entrance. He looked up at Remus’ face finally, saw that his eyes had flickered shut, and bit down on his lip to suppress whatever sound wanted to escape from the depths of his throat.

“I know a spell,” Remus supplied hoarsely, and then he was muttering under his breath and the next moment, Sirius felt a lubrication under his fingertips.

Sirius spent an amount of time, how long he wasn’t sure as time had ceased to exist a while ago, enjoying the process of preparing Remus, watching it all unfold as he started with one finger — noting the arch of Remus’ back at the initial penetration, the push of his body down against him as Sirius moved it inside of him. And then a second finger — and he felt his own body shiver as a higher pitched yelp left Remus’ mouth, followed immediately with an unstifled moan — and those reactions from Remus triggered something inside of Sirius, and he pushed his fingers harder, with more force. Sirius watched him as he massaged at Remus’ prostate — watched Remus’ jaw go slack, his hands grasp tighter at the bed frame, and his teeth bite down on his lip as he groaned loudly.

Sirius watched as he used his fingers to stretch Remus open, feeling the shaking of Remus’ lower body from the calf still positioned over his shoulder, and suddenly everything became much more urgent. But now, instead of enjoying the slow build of it all, having Remus laid out like this beneath him, Sirius was hit with an immediate need to speed things up. 

He brought Remus’ leg down to lie above his hip bone and leaned his body closer, allowing his cock to slide against Remus’ entrance, the feel of the friction against him like another dam breaking, and only the thought of pushing inside of Remus was clear. 

And so he did. He used his hand to push himself inside — competing desires of being gentle enough that it didn’t hurt Remus and wanting to fuck Remus through the mattress fought against each other, and his entire body shook as he felt his cock enveloped by the other man. Remus’ back arched and Sirius pushed the rest of the way in with one swift thrust, ripping nearly identical cries from both of their throats, and Sirius reveled again in the knowledge that he could do this to Remus, that Remus was welcoming it, and that they were in this veiled world, riding out this ecstacy of fucking and knowing and seeing each other together completely.

Sirius didn’t wait a moment before pulling back out of Remus and then pushing right in again, and harder this time, needing to hear more out of Remus’ mouth, to make his entire body shake from the friction. They both needed this, Sirius felt that without a doubt — this connection between them surging stronger than it ever had before — Remus was air, and Sirius was certain that he would die without him. 

“Fuck, I’m glad you’re not so shy anymore,” Remus huffed after a particularly poignant thrust of Sirius’ hips and Sirius found himself, once again, propelled into another world. Remus wasn’t shy with his feedback — the arch of his body, the words from his mouth, the flush on his face a beautiful contrast to his scars — and when Sirius reached back and wrapped his hand around his cock, firmly this time, he knew that they were both teetering on the edge of something significant. 

Remus threw his head back against the mattress as he rocked his hips up to encourage Sirius into an even harder rhythm, and Sirius met him with an equal intensity. He had to work to get enough air now, with all of the different sensations that were attacking his body through every measure available.

They rocked against each other, fought against each other — or with each other, rather — for another minute before Sirius knew that he had reached his edge. He lowered his body to drape over Remus’, needing to be close to him, to feel him entirely. He rested his free hand next to one of Remus’ outstretched arms — keeping the stroke of his other hand steady, and quicker now — and brought his mouth down to rest on Remus’, not kissing, but breathing, panting into each others’ mouths. 

“You— _ah_— you feel so fucking _ right_,” Sirius mumbled, feeling the buildup starting to spread to even his fingertips. Remus keened, and Sirius’ head dropped into the crook of his neck, kissing every inch of skin that he could reach. His speech was staccatoed as he sped up the stroke of his hand, and it became just as erratic as Remus’ breathing had. “So— fucking— right— Remus.”

And it was calmer this time — despite the intensity of it all — everything between them, calmer than it had been in the forest when it was underlined by such a struggle for control. Sirius felt the pulse of Remus’ cock as he came in his hand, the convulsion of his muscles around Sirius shattering any control he had left and sending him over the edge in the very next moment. 

“Oh my god,” Sirius keened as he rolled onto his back next to Remus and worked to catch his breath a moment later. “Oh fuck.”

Sirius felt his chest rise and fall as Remus muttered another spell, this time to clean himself up, and Sirius gave a silent thanks to the gods for blessing them with magical powers because he did not think he was capable of standing after everything that had just transpired. Sirius shut his eyes and felt his muscles begin to melt into the bed, his breathing only just beginning to even out, and he swore that he was floating. But when Remus shifted his body to lie along his, he was pulled out of it, and he jumped at Remus’ hands against his chest.

“Don’t do what you did last time.” Sirius muttered without thought as a hand went for Remus’ shoulder. “I can’t handle it, Remus, I can’t keep up. I’m only human after all.”

Remus laughed softly and placed a kiss on Sirius’ sternum. “I won’t.” He rested his chin down on Sirius and looked up at him with appreciative eyes and when Sirius looked down to meet his gaze, he felt lost at sea again. Maybe that was a feeling he should be getting used to by now. 

Sirius laid his head back and closed his eyes, focusing only on enjoying the aftereffects of sex. Had is always been like this? That was a stupid fucking question, he knew that nothing had ever compared. He just hadn’t figured out how fucking incredible sex could be until he was 26-years-old. Fuck. He was floating again. 

“When do you need to go pick up Harry?” Remus brought him back again a minute later, but Sirius didn’t mind.

“Around dinner time, but there’s no set time. Molly is great like that,” he mumbled.

“That’s good,” Remus replied, and kissed his chest again as his thumbs drew circles on Sirius’ sides. “I want to do this more often.”

“I fucking want to do this every day,” Sirius spoke before he thought and then laughed at himself for the impulse that he hadn’t even thought to control.

“Will that be weird for Harry?” Remus asked and Sirius found that was fully pulled back to reality by the question.

“I have no idea,” Sirius answered bluntly. “It’s never been something I’ve had to address before. And then this just… _ happened_. I don’t fucking know."

Remus hummed, and Sirius turned his gaze down towards him and found his piercing gaze looking back. Calm now, more serious. A look that Sirius had never seen on him before. 

“We can do it slowly. I don’t know much about five-year-olds either.” One of his hands moved up to Sirius’ face and began to trace along his eyebrow. “But we can introduce me in slowly. As a friend—”

“Fuck am I glad that you’re not just my friend,” Sirius dropped in.

Remus laughed, it was so easy and in that moment, Sirius knew that this was Remus at his purest, his most relaxed. 

“No, my thoughts about you are far too filthy for a simple friendship,” Remus stuck his thumb into the corner of Sirius’ mouth and Sirius smiled around it.

“It’s good he has already met you though,” Sirius turned the conversation back to the more important topic. “And you gave him tickets to the best bloody day of his life. So I can’t say I’m too worried about it all.” 

“Hmm, that’s true,” Remus chimed easily. “Good thing I’m so charitable.”

Sirius laughed for a beat. “I’m sure it was completely altruistic. No ulterior motives at all.”

“Maybe just one,” Remus moved his body up and kissed Sirius slowly, with pressure, and Sirius felt his heart rate start to pick back up. But Remus pulled back a moment later, shifted to lie on his side, and looked back down at Sirius. “Speaking of Harry…”

Sirius sighed, and it sounded sad. “I’m fucking terrified. But I can’t show it. I can’t show it to anyone, especially not him.”

“I’m sure you are. It’s quite terrifying.”

“And I wonder,” Sirius looked back up to the ceiling and shook his head, “is it all just inevitable? No matter what we do, it’s not going to be enough? And of course I will fight, because it’s Harry so there is no other option, but will it be for nothing? Is it all just fucking doomed and Harry right along with it?” Sirius took a deep breath, needing the pause because this was the first time he had said any of this out loud to anybody who could respond to it. The first time he had come face to face with it. Sure, he had talked about facts and logistics and findings with Dumbledore. But that wasn’t personal. Sirius knew that his voice was going to break. But that didn’t stop him, not now that he had started. “How is it ever going to be enough? How am _ I _going to be enough?”

Sirius felt Remus’ eyes flicker over him, and then land back on his face. He shifted his body a little bit so that he was no longer propped up, and was now fully lying against Sirius instead. Sirius turned his neck to look back at him, and was met with another firm press of his lips, and an assuring hand tenderly moving up and down his torso. It should have felt provocative, but it didn’t.

“Because you will be, and you have some really powerful wizards behind you. Wizards who are already getting a head start on all of this and who know that Harry is going to play an important role in it all,” Remus said. “Nothing is going to happen to him.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Sirius got out.

“No,” Remus kissed him again, hard this time. “But we know so much more than we used to. Information won’t be withheld like last time because people saw it for themselves. And I can’t imagine that they are going to forget any time soon.”

Sirius went numb for a moment, thinking. “I just don’t know what to expect. How to properly prepare. What to tell Harry.”

“You’ll tell him when the time is right,” Remus replied. “And it will be your decision, nobody else’s. Not Dumbledore’s, but yours.”

“Yes,” Sirius breathed.

“He’s James’ son, and he’s also your son and that’s already putting him at an advantage. And James trusted you so much. Harry is very lucky.”

Sirius felt his face wrinkle. He was confused and he was quiet for a while. But Remus maintained the stroking on his torso, completely unphased, letting his words sink in. 

“You didn’t know James,” Sirius said.

“I did. A little bit at least,” Remus replied.

“When?”

Remus smiled against his mouth and Sirius thought how effective it was to have a conversation like this. Where he could literally feel the reaction of the other person against his own body. 

“He helped me. When I was doing something for Dumbledore. During the war.” 

Sirius pulled back a centimeter. “What?”

“Yes,” Remus said.

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“You know there was information that couldn’t be shared with everybody,” Remus explained.

“You were in the Order?” Sirius asked, pulling back another inch.

“Mhm,” Remus hummed, but saying nothing else as he let Sirius think through the news he was learning for the first time.

“You were working with the werewolves,” Sirius concluded a minute later. “You were the source working with the werewolf packs. Fuck, I had no idea.”

“No, not something I can share too openly, is it?”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Sirius supplied. “But no, I suppose it’s not.”

Sirius moved his closest arm under Remus, and then curled it around him. Fuck, they were touchy. Sirius had never been touchy before, not in the slightest. But when Remus was around, there were moments that he felt like he might disappear if they weren’t pressed up against each other. And clearly Remus felt that too. 

“You were out there for months at a time, weren’t you?” Sirius asked. 

“I was,” Remus said.

“I can’t believe I didn’t put it all together until now. Werewolf. Benjy. Your ties to Dumbledore,” Sirius observed.

“No, you’re a bit daft aren’t you?”

Sirius laughed. And Remus kissed his open mouth. It should have been awkward. But it was anything but. “Fuck that must have been rough,” he commented.

“It was rough,” Remus confirmed, but his voice didn’t reveal any pain behind the words, and Sirius was in awe of that. “But it was good, others had it much worse.”

“Doesn’t make what you went through any less difficult.” 

“No. But it shaped the rest of my life. Made me grateful for everything that I have. The support that I have, the magic and the life that I have access too.”

“That’s a good way to be,” Sirius said, “I hope I can get to that point someday too.”

“I don’t think that you’re that far off,” Remus offered, hand still stroking Sirius softly.

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, thinking that if he eliminated one of his senses then maybe he wouldn’t actually explode. “Tell me about James. When he worked with you.” 

Remus hummed, and it was comforting. “He would drop off supplies for me every two months, until he had to go into hiding. I’m surprised he never mentioned it.”

“He mentioned it vaguely. But it was just normal back then for us to not pry for details, it was easier that way, to keep our conversations normal. As if that would turn our lives back to normal,” Sirius replied.

Remus gave a soft noise in response, and Sirius knew that he understood. He kissed Sirius again and then elaborated, “We wouldn’t always have the opportunity to interact, most of the time he would just leave the supplies in our hiding place. But he would leave notes too, and they would give me hope, like a bright light to look forward to in a well of darkness. He’d update me on the Order and the war, but then he would write about more mundane things, like he somehow knew that something mundane was exactly what I was craving. Some semblance of normality as you just said.”

“He was always so good at that,” Sirius sighed sadly.

“And on the rare occasions that we did get to meet, it didn’t matter that we had barely known each other at Hogwarts, he acted like he had known me forever. Acted like he cared, and I knew it was genuine. He fully appreciated the shit I was enduring every day because he was going through his own personal hell as well. And fuck, I think it takes a very special person to be able to do that.”

“To try to lighten another person’s life even when their own is a nightmare?”

“Yes. I will always be grateful to him for that. Profoundly grateful,” Remus whispered, but his voice strengthened a second later. “He taught me that sometimes, when you’re going through absolute shit in your life, just having another person acknowledge it means the world.”

Sirius felt his eyes begin to burn because he knew that to be true. It was all too familiar. It was all so connected. James. Remus. Sirius. He didn’t know what to say. All he could do was keep breathing, against Remus’ lips, letting all of this information sink in completely. 

“I know,” Remus mumbled, and Sirius felt the vibration on his lips and then into his entire body. He pulled Remus fully on top of him, as if the weight would help keep him grounded. And it did.

“Where did you even come from?” Sirius whispered, for the second time that night, and Sirius wondered how he had even gotten by before. And how weird it was to be here now, closer to a human than he had ever been in his life. Even after all he had been through.

“The same place that you did.” Remus kissed one of his eyelids and it should have been ridiculous, but it wasn’t. “And this, this thing between us. The pull and the push and the sex and struggle. It means connection. It means freedom from having to hold it all in.”

And there it was, the truth of it all, stated simply by the naked werewolf lying on top of him. The one who had been so self-assured and forward from the moment they spoke, but who had his own story, and his own pain, behind it all. Pain that was connected to Sirius’ in more ways than one and he never realized how powerful it was to be understood until now. 

Sirius squeezed him, pulling as much feeling into it as he could muster, and Remus lowered his head back down to meet Sirius’, one hand pushing a strand of hair out of his face before falling back onto his shoulder. They kissed, somehow communicating to each other more than words ever could, and kissed, that electric connection surging between them. And Sirius couldn’t help but think that maybe it all would turn out right in the end.


End file.
